


Forget How to Feel

by OneWhoSitsWithTurtles



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (and the general societal pressures shaming emotions), (mainly from Brendol and Hux's memories of school), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dream Sex, Drug Dependency, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kissing, M/M, Shower Sex, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Telepathic Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2018-12-08 04:34:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11639007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneWhoSitsWithTurtles/pseuds/OneWhoSitsWithTurtles
Summary: Hux grew up being told that feeling emotions was weak and shameful. If he ever wanted to be successful he would need to dispel them or useSinaffec, a drug that mutes emotions. Now Hux has been appointed General of the First Order and relocated to Starkiller Base. It has been years since he neededSinaffecto control his emotions but that changes when Snoke's apprentice, Kylo Ren, arrives.Ren seems capable of invoking every emotion in Hux - first irritation but then other, deeper emotions Hux refuses to acknowledge. But when Ren starts talking about soul mates and force bonds, Hux can only deny his feelings for so long until his must make a choice: takeSinaffecindefinitely or surrender to his emotions and see where they lead him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Note #1:** In Latin, "Sine affectu" can translate to "without feeling". Therefore the drug used in this story that Hux uses to stop feeling emotions is named " _Sinaffec_ ".
> 
>  **Note #2:** Please note that this story is set before, during, and after the events of Episode VII.
> 
>  **Note #3:** Regarding the " _Emotional/Psychological Abuse_ " tag. This primarily is included because of Brendol, mentions of Hux's past at school, and the general societal pressures shaming emotions. Kylo IS an ass at first but I don't think it falls in the realm of "abuse". Regardless, I'd rather be safe and tag it than have someone get blindsided.

"How do you feel, General?"

 

A test, even now? Hux would've sneered if doing so didn't equal failure. Instead he kept his face blank, but clenched his teeth behind tight lips. "I anticipate numerous successes in my new role."

 

"Good." His father stood tall in front of Hux, hands clasped behind his back. Subtly Hux remembered to mimic his father's military stance, pulling his shoulders back slightly behind his new uniform and greatcoat. "You will do well to remember the legacy your name bears. I will not tolerate having it sullied."

 

"It won't be."

 

"I do not want a repeat of your fumbling at Arkanis Academy," Brendol told his son, eyes cold.

 

"I was twelve," Hux defended.

 

"Armitage."

 

Hux swallowed his huff – barely – at the use of his first name. "There will be no repeat."

 

"There better not be." Behind Brendol was a large metal door and beyond that, the hangar bay where Hux could hear what was undoubtedly his aircraft powering up in preparation to take him to Starkiller Base where he would take up command. Brendol heard it too, no doubt, but didn't move out of his son's path. "The First Order has already appointed you to this prestigious position in the designation ceremony. You will be answering only to Supreme Leader Snoke."

 

"I know all this," Hux pointed out, struggling to keep his voice even.

 

"I hope you understand the gravitas of this. I will be leaving on my own mission tomorrow to the Unknown Regions. Which means," Brendol unclasped his hands and crossed his arms over his chest instead, "that I won't be here to clean up any messes."

 

"I haven't had a slip since I was twelve," Hux pointed out again. "That will not change."

 

"See that it doesn’t." At last Brendol seemed satisfied that Hux had understood his warnings, and was ready to move on. "Now I must be going and your shuttle is scheduled to leave in seven minutes," Brendol said as he checked the time piece he pulled from his pocket. Hux began walking past his father towards the door but tensed when Brendol's hand gripped his shoulder – _tight_ – in passing. "And for your sake, Armitage, don't kriff this up."

 

With a dismissing nudge, Hux was propelled closer to the door while Brendol walked in the opposite direction down the hallway and out of sight. Briefly alone, Hux took the opportunity to smooth out the wrinkles worked into the fabric of his uniform and then gave an indignant sniff. "Prick," he muttered to no one but himself and then walked out into the hangar bay.

 

He saw the flight captain looking around frantically and then giving a squawk when he saw Hux approaching. "We've been looking everywhere for you!" he motioned Hux closer, and looked increasingly frazzled when Hux didn't speed up his pace. "The shuttle is scheduled to leave in five minutes!"

 

"Calm yourself," Hux ordered as he drew level with the man. "If you are considered adequate enough by the First Order to fly me to my new post then I can only assume you have already completed all of the pre-flight safety checks and procedures."

 

"I—well—yes, sir, but—"

 

"Then all that's left to be done is for us to get on board, the door to be closed and sealed, and for you to radio in for permission to take off, yes?" Hux spoke over the stuttering pilot.

 

"Y-yes, sir," the man bobbed his head.

 

"Very well then," Hux said and started walking up the loading ramp. "Let's be prompt."

 

The pilot rushed in behind Hux and closed the shuttle door securely. The pilot headed in the direction of the cockpit while the co-pilot greeted Hux at the door and directed him to the suite Hux would call his own during the two day journey. Hux dismissed the co-pilot to rejoin her counterpart in the cockpit and then looked around his temporary living quarters. There was a sitting room/office mix, a small bedroom and a smaller refresher for his personal use. There would be a small eatery located somewhere else on the ship but Hux's meals would be brought to him if he preferred some time to himself before their arrival – which he did.

 

There weren't many personal effects Hux felt he needed to bring along; it had all fit in one moving crate. A much larger suite would be awaiting him at his new base, which would already be stocked with standard issue uniforms, toiletries and furniture. All that was left to bring were a few holo-records from the Academy and other sources filled with tactical information and strategies, some spare clothes for the rare occasions of lounging, and an antique chessboard whittled from a long-extinct tree back on his home world of Arkanis.

 

All of that was packed away safely in the cargo hold. It would be delivered directly to his new rooms once they arrived at Starkiller Base. However, Hux did have one small travel bag which he found set on the desk in his room so that he could have easy access to its contents. As he felt the shuttle power up and lift off beneath his feet, Hux walked over to the desk and opened it with a password to ensure nothing was amiss.

 

He pulled out a set of sleeping clothes for the trip, having only been granted one set of his new General uniform until he arrived at the base. Next Hux pulled out one holo-record, for reading if he got bored, and a datapad loaded with briefings of information he would need to know about the base he was about to run. Then there were some toiletries in case he was unimpressed with what was provided on this shuttle, and the standard issue pistol he had been bestowed during his appointment as General. It was programmed to respond and fire only to his fingerprint. Lastly, half-forgotten at the bottom of the bag, a bottle of pills: _Sinaffec_.

 

Hux sighed through his nose and returned everything to the bag except for the datapad, burying the pill bottle once more. They weren't needed, nor had they been needed for a long time. Not since his mother's death seven years ago, to be precise, and even then Hux had only needed two pills to dampen the grief. Hux's father had always blamed Hux's emotions on the genes of his mother. True, she had been an emotional and affectionate woman. But Hux knew his father's warning this afternoon was born from fear, Brendol just as guilty of masking rather than banishing some of the stronger emotions in his psyche.

 

Ever since Hux was a child his father had been determined to have a successor of his military career. He had enrolled Hux in Arkanis Academy at the earliest acceptable age – ten – and Hux's lessons had begun. He was taught everything a young boy needed to know to someday grow up to be a high ranking official: tactics and strategy; design for buildings, machinery and weapons; the implementation of technologies; combat; navigation; and social etiquette.

 

Alongside the constant lessons in stuffy lecture halls and the combat training in the gym – both hand-to-hand and ranged combat – there was _conditioning_. While his father had been adamant about hammering this lesson into Hux since he was old enough to crawl and babble, the Academy took an even firmer approach. Hux was taught that emotions equalled weakness, and that allowing them to have any impact would damage his chances at a successful career and likely end up with himself and all of his men dead.

 

After all, if Hux let emotion get in the way, he would never be a competent leader that the First Order could rely on. Trusting emotion over logic would simply lead him astray. Fear would cloud Hux's judgement and ability to react in high-intensity situations. Jealousy challenged the chain of command which was put in place strategically and was not to be tampered with. Embarrassment would make Hux skittish and unwilling to take risks in future. Anger led to misdirected resources of time, energy and attention. Pride led to insubordination. Affection or fondness would cause Hux to hesitate and potentially not make a sacrifice that had to be made for the greater good. Happiness would make him lazy.

 

Showing any emotion – positive or negative – was a punishable offense at the Academy, not to mention in Hux's childhood home. Often it would result in a public reprimand; a test in itself to see if the student would give in to any signs of embarrassment or anger during the process. With larger outbursts of emotion would come stricter punishments: losing privileges for meals or attending social events, solitary confinement or, in the worst circumstances, a caning to the back or the shoulders. The cane never left long term marks but the sting and ache of each hit lingered.

 

For two years Hux had been a prodigy. However, when he was twelve, a new boy at the school who went by the name of James Bryson found himself unable to leave Hux alone. Like a fly constantly buzzing nearby, James would hover around Hux and throw as many taunts and insults as he could think of. It didn't take much research for Hux to learn he was the son of another high-ranked military official who had always vied for Brendol Hux's achievements.

 

Hux had scoffed at the boy's jealousy and ignored it, noting that doing so only riled his enemy up more. But then James had gotten some friends and Hux's combat skills weren't enough to save him from a fight that was five on one. He limped back to the dorms with a twisted ankle, broken wrist, bloody nose and two black eyes. Hux wouldn't name his attackers when medical asked, and though he masked any emotion the next day in class when everyone laughed at his bruised and swollen face, Hux seethed internally.

 

He dodged more attacks and kept to public groups while his body healed, and as soon as he was able Hux made his countermove. It was a misty morning on campus, he remembered, when the alarm sounded. All of the students and faculty rushed out to see what was wrong, which is where they found James in the Academy's fountain. Nearly every bone in his body was broken, hand-shaped bruises blooming on his swollen neck. The water was tinted red from the blood seeping out of James' skull where Hux had jammed a screwdriver he had stolen from tech class.

 

Hux couldn't help but think it was a beautiful sight.

 

Being the son of the Commandant of the Academy had its perks, but it couldn't save him from the punishment of a crime like this. Due to his age and family name, Hux was spared from juvenile detention. But he was still suspended for a month while locked in solitary with only his textbooks to keep him company. The beatings he received didn't faze him the way the administration hoped, and eventually they left him to call upon his father.

 

"You're a disgrace," Brendol informed him when he finally arrived at Hux's room which was more prison cell than anything else with its starkness. "To let emotion control you and then linger this long." Hux said nothing; merely watched his father with clear eyes. "You could have killed him quietly, strategically," his father went on.

 

"I could have," Hux agreed, his voice shaking. His father didn't understand that this _had_ been strategy. No one would ever pester or attack him again. Not now.

 

Brendol's eyes narrowed. "Get your emotions under control," he hissed.

 

"I can't," Hux said and then frowned, correcting himself. "I won't."

 

His father left then, and twenty minutes later he returned with a medic in tow. A Sinaffec pill was shoved down his throat and within two minutes Hux felt himself drain of every emotion – both conscious and unconscious in nature. Once the medication had fully taken effect Hux felt like an empty shell, and that didn't bother him because it couldn't. He couldn't feel anything.

 

Each pill lasted twenty four hours. For another three days Hux remained in his cell and took one pill a day. The next two didn't need to be forced down his throat the way the first had; his defiance was muted along with everything else. When he was confirmed to be fully neutral and apathetic Hux was released to return to his classes and training, and after he demonstrated his ability to maintain this mindset he was allowed to wean off the pills. He was still ordered to keep a supply handy though, and use them if he ever needed to.

 

It wasn't that Hux stopped feeling emotion; for whatever reason he found it impossible to fully shake them. He became a master at masking them though, to the point where he barely sensed them at all. The only time Hux indulged in Sinaffec after that time at the Academy was when his mother passed. It was almost comical that Brendol made such a show of warning Hux to act proper when these days Brendol was the only one who could – _almost_ – get a rise out of him. Everyone else was beneath Hux, unworthy of enough attention to even stir the concept of an emotion.

 

Hux shook these thoughts from his head and took his datapad to the couch to start reading. Two days from now Hux would be the General of Starkiller Base, second only to Supreme Leader Snoke. Hux would be ready to do his job to perfection and show everyone what he was capable of doing on his own, not as the son of his father.

 

#

 

"If it is to your liking, General, we will have your personal effects delivered to your room so you can meet your chief of staff directly," the co-pilot said after the shuttle had been landed with expert precision in the hangar bay of Starkiller Base. The pilot remained in the cockpit to check all systems and ensure everything powered down correctly, but the co-pilot seemed to realize Hux wouldn't appreciate sitting around being unproductive and waiting.

 

"Yes, that suits," Hux agreed as he stood by the co-pilot while the unloading ramp lowered. "Can this bag be delivered as well?" he held up the bag of personal effects he had kept with him in his rooms.

 

The co-pilot nodded and held out her hand to receive the bag. "Of course, sir. I will take it personally to your rooms after leading you to the primary meeting rooms. If you'll follow me."

 

Hux looked around as he followed behind the co-pilot but ensured his pace didn't falter or slow. What he saw of Starkiller Base on the walk was impressive; everything was new and high-end. Hux mentally noted down some efficiencies he could implement for a smooth and orderly running of the base, but for now he kept that to himself. It wasn't long before the co-pilot opened a door for him and ushered him inside before excusing herself to see to his belongings.

 

He was in a large meeting room with a wide table outlined by comfortable chairs. At the end of the room was a large window overlooking the snowy landscape, but what caught Hux's attention were the two other occupants of the room. They both stepped forward upon his entry, though one seemed slightly more skittish than the other.

 

"Captain Phasma," the first individual introduced herself and extended a hand. She was extremely tall and rather imposing with a severe haircut to match her jaw, and noticeably-broad shoulders that her armour had been moulded to fit. Hux took her hand and shook it strongly. "I oversee the Stormtroopers in every capacity: training, discipline and assignments."

 

"Good to meet you, Captain," Hux said politely. "I have read all the recent reports en route but I would prefer to get an updated briefing from you personally on the state of our troops."

 

"Certainly, sir," Phasma inclined her head and then lifted a hand to indicate the shorter man at her side. Well, he wasn't even that short – just a little shy of Hux's own height – but by comparison to Phasma he looked tiny. "Also, this is Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka. As I will be your right hand with the troops, Mitaka will be your left hand in the command centre."

 

Mitaka was a little wide-eyed but managed to keep himself under control and avoided stumbling during his half-step forward to shake Hux's hand. "A pleasure, sir."

 

"We will have an in depth briefing as well, Lieutenant," Hux stated after withdrawing his hand from the other man's.

 

"Of course, sir," Mitaka bobbed his head. "And I do not want to supersede your plans to do so but you should be aware that a message was received from the Supreme Leader earlier today indicating he wished to meet with you upon your arrival."

 

"Very well," Hux agreed. He wouldn't keep his superior waiting any longer than was necessary. "Where am I to meet him?"

 

"I can direct the signal to holodeck C, which is closest to your quarters," Mitaka offered.

 

"Good. I will meet with the Supreme Leader presently. Afterwards, you and I will debrief," Hux looked at Mitaka, and then shifted his gaze over and up to Phasma, "and then I will meet with you after dinner if that is agreeable. I would also like for you to begin preparations so that I can address all Troopers tomorrow morning. A ten minute assembly should suffice."

 

"Certainly, General," Phasma inclined her head again. Each of her movements were self-contained, no word or action needless. Hux could genuinely believe that she was one of those individuals who had surpassed him in the area of banishing emotion entirely. "I will have a report of each trooper, their testing scores, and their current assignments ready within the hour. I’ll also schedule in your public address for tomorrow."

 

If he had been in private, Hux might've let free a sigh of relief at discovering his two immediate subordinates were truly _capable_ individuals. He wasn't alone though, nor would he bother with such an insignificant emotion in the first place. "Thank you, dismissed. Mitaka?"

 

"This way, sir," he ushered Hux out into the hallway. They went one direction while Phasma disappeared in the opposite direction. It took a few more minutes of walking and Hux realized he would need to spend some time walking all of the hallways to familiarize himself with the entire base. Mitaka said nothing during the walk, perhaps too frazzled by Hux's presence or simply deciding it wasn't his place to start the conversation. Hux left them in silence, preparing himself to meet with his new superior momentarily and put on the best impression possible.

 

"This is it," Mitaka said as he slowed to a stop outside one of the many identical doors in this particular hallway. The only thing that distinguished it from any other was a small plaque: _Holodeck C_. "Since you are the highest ranking officer in command, all doors have been pre-programmed with your fingerprint, General," Mitaka explained. "Your room door will open automatically, as will any public spaces not currently locked within. You will also be able to open private or locked rooms with your fingerprint and an override code, which you will find in your rooms."

 

"Thank you," Hux said. "Where will I find you once my meeting is concluded?"

 

“The command centre,” Mitaka said. “I left a personalized datapad with a map of the base’s layout for you on the console table in the holodeck.”

 

Hux inclined his head to indicate his satisfaction and then opened the door, dismissing Mitaka back to his duties without words. The holodeck was large but modest compared to some of the ones Hux had seen in the past. Near the door against the wall he saw a small table with the console for sending and receiving messages, and establishing a connection for a conference. He also saw the datapad Mitaka had mentioned sitting on the table but he left it there for now. Instead he engaged the screen with a fingerprint, seeing that an incoming transmission was already pending.

 

As soon as Hux pressed the screen the room around him glimmered away into a new appearance. The smooth metal walls had morphed into walls of stone, made imperfect by hand tools which shaped it long ago. The lights also dimmed, and when Hux glanced up, it looked as though he was in a massive citadel with rafters so high he could barely see them.

 

Hux didn’t indulge himself with an in-depth study, instead spinning on his heel within a moment to approach and acknowledge his superior. The being – for there was something about him that wasn’t quite human – was massive, or at least the image of him was. Hux knew it was likely an intimidation tactic and didn’t allow himself to outwardly tense or hesitate as he stared up at Snoke sitting in his throne of stone.

 

“General Armitage Hux,” Snoke said his name with a voice that permeated the room and snuck beneath Hux’s skin. “Welcome.”

 

“Supreme Leader,” Hux bowed, stiff-backed but proper, remembering his father’s repeated reminders that Snoke warranted a bow rather than just a salute. “Thank you for the opportunity to command this base under your name.”

 

“No need for thanks, boy.” Hux hated that term being directed at him; it sounded juvenile and almost mocking. However, nothing of Hux’s expression would betray this distaste. “It is your abilities and reputation that got you this far. In fact, one of the main reasons you were appointed is because I was told of some weapons you were developing.”

 

“Sir?”Hux probed. None of his potential weapon plans were a secret; after all, he had graduated top of his class in Weapon Schematics and Development. Well, he had graduated top of his class in every subject, but weapon design had always interested him. Hux was curious which of his plans had caught enough interest to get him this job.

 

“Did you take time to consider the name of the base you were designated to command?” Snoke asked him, and it clicked in Hux’s mind. He had been working on the plans for a weapon that could drain the energy of a star, condense it, and redirect it as a powerful energy beam to destroy planets in a single hit. “Yes, that’s the one,” Snoke almost hummed.

 

Hux startled, though he had been warned numerous times of Snoke’s powerful affinity with the Force and his ability to read minds. Hux did his best to not let his unease at the idea float anywhere near the surface of his consciousness. “I look forward to bringing its development to fruition,” he stated calmly. Genuine excitement nipped at his heels but he wouldn’t acknowledge it.

 

“Excellent. There will also be multiple raids I would like to have completed against the Resistance to keep them weak and occupied until we can launch a full strike against the Republic.” Snoke pressed his fingertips together in a steeple shape and Hux remained quiet, able to tell that the Supreme Leader had more to say. “Also, this information will not leave this room but you should know there have been some stirrings in the Force.”

 

Hux frowned. He wasn’t ignorant about the Force but he had no affinity to it himself, and most of the information he had about it was spoken of in the tone of legends. “Jedi?” he guessed.

 

“Perhaps,” Snoke mused.

 

Though it was unlikely that a Stormtrooper could match the skill of a Jedi, Hux offered, “I can have a task force organized—”

 

“No, General,” Snoke cut him off with a raised hand. “You will focus on your weapon, and the raids. I am telling you this because I will be sending my apprentice to your base.”

 

“Your apprentice?” This was all new information, and Hux was trying to ignore the feeling like someone was pulling a carpet out from under him. He was smart and resourceful; he wouldn’t have made it this far otherwise, and this change would be managed like everything else.

 

“Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren. A powerful Force wielder of the dark side,” Snoke said. “He will be outside of your chain of command and will frequently be focused on his continued training. He will also be taking orders directly from me, and I will handle his assignments regarding the Force disturbances. Is that understood?”

 

“It is,” Hux agreed. “When is he due to arrive?”

 

“Tomorrow.”

 

“We will have a room set up for him,” Hux said, already making a mental plan to discuss it with Mitaka and find a room that would be available to prepare. “How long will he reside here?” Hux didn’t want an apprentice of the Force mucking about longer than was necessary, especially since he would be outside of Hux’s chain of command and therefore unleashed.

 

“Until I order otherwise,” the Supreme Leader said simply.

 

“Understood,” Hux answered. He needn’t have bothered; Snoke cut the transmission to signal the end of the discussion. Alone and with the holodeck looking familiar again, Hux allowed himself a moment to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh. Well, regardless of what this _Master of the Knights of Ren_ was like, Hux would deal with it. He could handle anything.

 

With this in mind Hux snatched up the datapad on the table and exited the room, intent on beginning his work.


	2. Chapter 2

Hux had just finished his morning address to the legion of Stormtroopers, giving a speech about their small part in a large machine and the great things they would accomplish for the First Order. Near the end of his speech, Hux’s attention had been drawn to the edge of the room where a black figure walked and eventually leaned against a wall near the podium. It was both easy and impossible to not notice the figure; the black attire was obvious compared to the sea of white Stormtrooper armour, yet the being moved smoothly like a shadow out of the corner of your eye.

 

Hux wouldn’t be distracted or interrupted and finished his speech before dismissing the troops. Phasma had scheduled in fifteen minutes before the morning shift began to allow for the speech and then for the Troopers on duty to get to their posts. They had been trained well, not even needing direction or reminders about what they were expected to do as they filed out of the room, though their Captain oversaw them from the edge of the stage all the same in case anyone stepped out of line.

 

Mitaka was back in the command centre, overseeing things until Hux relieved him shortly. Hux remained where he stood at the front of the stage, in no hurry to leave his position until all of the Troopers were gone. He had also noticed that the shadow was peeling itself from the wall and approaching him, slowly as though it too wanted all of the Troopers to vacate before drawing attention. Hux watched this approach out of the corner of his eye and only looked over when the figure stepped onto the stage and drew level with him.

 

The individual was slightly taller than Hux and certainly broader in the shoulders and chest. Despite, or perhaps _because_ of the armour, the figure was imposing and seemed to take up a lot of room. The intimidating aspect of the getup was furthered by a long black cloak with a hood, pulled over a black helmet that left the viewer unable to determine who – or _what_ – hid beneath. Hux also found it peculiar that as the figure came close to him, merely a few feet of space between them, he felt a prickling against his skin that raised the hair on his arms and the back of his neck. Disliking this instinctive reaction, Hux stood a little straighter. “Can I help you?”

 

“I was going to ask to be directed to General Hux but I suppose after that speech I should assume, despite all sense and reason, that that’s you.”

 

The words as much as the low, distorted voice that escaped the helmet had Hux bristling. Hux immediately chided himself mentally for allowing the reaction but still a hint of disdain slipped into his tone. “And you are?”

 

“Lord Ren.”

 

 _Lord_ Ren. Hux barely contained a scoff at the pretentiousness of it all, and then scolded himself again. He was better than this; wasn’t going to stoop down to this creature’s level. If Hux could refrain from reacting to or feeling emotion when his father tried his patience, Hux could certainly ignore this annoyance.

 

“The Supreme Leader told me you’d be arriving today, Ren,” Hux kept his voice even, intentionally ignoring the honorific Ren had prescribed only seconds before. He saw the way Ren squared his shoulders beneath the armour and cloak, and then Hux forced away his smirk as quickly as he had his scoff. “We have rooms prepared for your stay.”

 

“By all means,” Ren held out a hand in the direction of the now-empty room and the doors. Hux noticed that Ren’s hands were covered by black leather gloves but didn’t comment on it as he started walking them towards the doors to leave. There wasn’t a single inch of skin available to view on Snoke’s apprentice. Hux assumed he was human, especially considering his shape despite the armour, but Hux wouldn’t betray any curiosity by asking. It didn’t matter anyway. Hopefully Ren would stay out of his hair and Hux would be able to forget that he was even staying at the base.

 

Once on their walk through the base – Hux ahead and Ren a short pace behind him at all times – Hux had to check the datapad he kept in his pocket to confirm their direction before continuing to lead. “This way.”

 

“You have to check the map of your own base?” Ren drawled. “That doesn’t offer a lot of confidence.”

 

“I arrived less than twenty four hours ago,” Hux defended but his pace didn’t waver. “And frankly the faster I can get you to your room, the faster I can be rid of you and get back to work.”

 

“Because speeches are _vital_.” It didn’t matter that Ren’s voice was slightly distorted by the mask; Hux had no problem recognizing the sarcasm.

 

Thankfully he didn’t need to bite his own tongue and swallow an angry retort because they had arrived at the rooms newly designated for Ren to stay; they were in the same hallway as Hux’s quarters but Hux didn’t think Ren needed to know that information. “This is where you’ll be staying,” Hux said, gesturing to the nondescript door. “The scanner has already been encoded for your fingerprint, sent over by Snoke. You’ll find your own datapad with a map inside that will direct you to the cafeteria, the officer gym and so on. If, of course,” Hux kept his voice even, bland, “It’s not _beneath you_ to use.”

 

“If it’s not beneath the _General_ then I’m sure I’ll manage.”

 

Hux knew, then if not earlier, that Ren was going to be a perpetual thorn in his side. One Hux would need to learn how to tune out, like his father. Frankly, he found it exhausting even trying to maintain a conversation with this man – this _child_ – with how many negative emotions he evoked which Hux had to soothe or crush. “If that will be all,” Hux said and turned on his heel, beginning to walk down the hallway in the direction of the command centre.

 

“A pleasure, General,” Ren called after him, the sneer still audible.

 

“Can’t say the same,” Hux muttered under his breath and didn’t look back.

 

#

 

Though Hux still didn’t know why Ren had been able to rile him so effortlessly, he didn’t have to dwell on the topic for long. After showing Ren to his rooms and entering the command centre to relieve Mitaka, Hux’s shift was busy enough to shoo away any thoughts of Snoke’s apprentice from Hux’s mind. He knew he had to continue to work on the development of the weapon for Snoke, but Hux still took the time to get to know everyone else manning machines in the command hub as well as familiarize himself with the machines themselves.

 

It was a productive day and as his shift wound to a close, Hux was looking forward to some dinner before excusing himself to his rooms. There was still a lot of paperwork to sift through to make Hux’s promotion as smooth as possible. Many briefings about the base of which he had taken command, assignments for soldiers and officers to finalize, passcodes to confirm and memorize and so on. Hux estimated that if he ate quickly, he would be able to tackle half of the paperwork tonight and still get to the gym before completing the rest of the paperwork after his shift the next day to free up his future time to focus on the weapon’s development.

 

With this in mind, Hux left his post promptly after being relieved, and after insisting that he be contacted should any issues arise. Unfortunately, halfway to the base’s cafeteria Hux was intercepted by an imposing wall of black. Hux stopped quickly enough to avoid bumping into the man when he appeared quickly from around a corner. “Ren,” Hux acknowledged, though testily. “What do you want?”

 

“I found the datapad map insufficient,” Ren said simply. “And require a guided tour of the entire base to familiarize myself.”

 

“I’ll assign an ensign to—”

 

“Skirting work?” Ren spoke over him.

 

“It’s called delegation,” Hux said. “I have more important things to do than give you a tour.”

 

Ren crossed his arms and though Hux couldn’t see his eyes, he could feel Ren’s considering gaze. “I wonder what Snoke will think when he hears his new general is avoiding work.”

 

Hux narrowed his eyes. “Are you threatening me?”

 

A one-shouldered shrug was his response. “Merely pondering.”

 

Hux’s hunger made it more of a challenge for him to wrestle down the spike of anger that had flared at Ren’s flippant threats. As he ground his teeth, Hux did a mental calculation. It would take a solid two hours for a full tour, which Ren seemed to be insisting on. If they didn’t dally then Hux could eat a late dinner in his room while doing the necessary paperwork. The gym would have to wait until tomorrow.

 

Taking a deep breath to centre himself, ignoring both his hunger and annoyance, Hux consciously unclenched his jaw. “Well let’s get on with it then.”

 

Ren fell into step at Hux’s shoulder, following so closely that Hux almost worried about getting tripped up by the man’s boots. He felt foolish doing such a lowly task but told himself it was good practice for himself as well; Hux would never let the same embarrassment happen twice after what he felt when he had to check his own datapad to show Ren to his rooms.

 

For the most part their walk remained quiet. The only noises filling the hallways were the sounds of Hux’s and Ren’s boots, the slight hiss distorting Ren’s breathing, and the occasional Troopers marching by to their post, dinner, or the barracks. Hux organized the tour into sections, starting with the communal rooms they were already close to – rec room, med bay, gyms, the cafeteria and so on – and then moved to the officer quarters, the holodecks, and then the more utilitarian parts of the base such as the hangar bay, storage facilities, weapons and armour storage and maintenance rooms.

 

Though the scent of food had made Hux’s stomach clench near the start of the tour, he had not lingered nor commented on the possibility of grabbing food to go. And once the food was beyond his reach Hux was able to temporarily forget his hunger, focused more on ensuring he got every detail correct as he labelled each area or room to Ren. He doubted Ren knew well enough to correct Hux even if he made a mistake, but Hux wouldn’t give him the opportunity regardless.

 

Ren was silent for a while, merely giving a nod or hum of acknowledgement whenever they stopped in another doorframe and Hux identified where they were. Hux was just beginning to hope that he would be able to get through the whole tour without any more irritating comments from the knight, but realized soon enough that it was too good to last.

 

“Bored?” Ren asked when Hux checked the small timepiece in his pocket.

 

They were at the end of the hallway housing the majority of the senior officers’ quarters, and Ren’s rooms. Hux decided this was close enough to the end of the tour that he could drop the pleasant-if-strained attitude. “Exceedingly,” he said. The tour had taken slightly under two hours to complete since Ren had matched Hux’s quick walking pace, but it had still been a waste of Hux’s precious time. “I wonder if Snoke knows his precious apprentice struggles with things as simple as a datapad mapping system.”

 

There was no one else in the long hallway with them. This seemed to be all Ren needed to think it was appropriate when he took a menacing step into Hux’s personal space. “Reusing my threats isn’t very intimidating, General. In fact, it seems kind of pathetic for someone who is supposed to be a renowned strategist.”

 

Internally Hux’s interest was piqued and then brushed aside; Snoke must’ve told Ren some information about Hux before sending him to Starkiller Base. Hux turned to face Ren fully and gave a lazy shrug. “It’s not a threat,” he said honestly. “I’m not a tattle-tale to go running off to my superior.” He had hoped his statement would be taken as a backhanded insult towards Ren’s earlier tactics and Hux was right. Ren took another step forward and forcefully backed Hux against the wall.

 

“Doubtful,” Ren mused quietly.

 

Hux’s fight or flight instincts had sparked into high gear, his body rushing with adrenaline. It didn’t matter that Hux told himself Ren wasn’t a real threat; the man was physically imposing. And again Hux felt that distracting prickle like electricity against his skin. A part of Hux wanted to kick Ren hard enough in the gut to send him sprawling. Another part of him wanted to shoulder by him and flee to the safety of his room. Hux would do neither; he stood where he had been cornered against the wall and squared his shoulders. “Think what you will. I’ve learned everything I need to know.”

 

“Which is what?”

 

Hux muted the alarm bells in his head when Ren leaned in closer; another few inches and his nose would be against the metal of Ren’s helmet. “That you’re childish and not to be relied upon.” Hux couldn’t stop himself from wincing when Ren slammed a palm against the wall directly beside Hux’s ear, but he didn’t flinch away. “Snoke can send you on whatever Jedi-chasing missions he sees fit but you’ll never lead a mission of mine if I have anything to say about it.”

 

Ren’s hand remained by Hux’s head but Ren leaned his head back slightly. “He told you about the Jedi?”

 

Hux didn’t think it was necessary to clarify that he had only been given the briefest of updates on the topic. He sneered, smug that he now seemed to have the upper hand in their verbal sparring match. “You’re not as special as you think, Ren. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” He harnessed the adrenaline in his veins to lift his hand and knock Ren’s arm away. To his surprise, Ren let him, and remained in place when Hux brushed invisible wrinkles from his uniform jacket and walked down the hallway and into his personal quarters.

 

No one but Hux needed to know that Hux locked his door behind him when he was safely in his room. Nor did anyone need to know that Hux sat himself down at his desk immediately just to avoid feeling the tremble in his knees. No. All anyone would need to know was that a few minutes later when he had steadied his heart and shooed the flush of fear and anger from his system, Hux called to order some food to be delivered to his room as he powered on his console to begin his paperwork as planned.

 

#

 

The next day Hux braced himself for more of Ren’s moody antics but the man seemed to vanish. Hux remembered Snoke saying that Ren would be continuing his training while staying at the base, and would also be taking part in special missions to deal with the rebels who may be receiving potential assistance from a Jedi. While Hux would be informed if any of the ships or smaller fighter crafts were flown from the hangar, Hux figured it wasn’t impossible that Ren was actually doing what he was supposed to be doing and training.

 

Hux was relieved, even though that was as forbidden a feeling as his anger or fear had been the day before. Hux couldn’t understand why Ren was able to get under his skin so effortlessly and wreak havoc on the normally-rigid control Hux had over his emotions. It wasn’t like Hux didn’t need to deal with other assholes throughout his career, in the Academy and beyond. There were plenty of people who thought they were above it all, who thought they could push around their size and weight to get what they wanted.

 

Normally Hux batted them away like flies, bored and barely noticing the annoyance. It was different with Ren and Hux hated it. Not only was it draining to keep a tight rein on each and every emotion the cloaked man evoked, but the simple experience of _feeling_ those emotions until they were controlled and extinguished was exhausting. That and the fact that even though he wouldn’t admit it aloud, Hux was on edge for the duration of his next shift, anticipating another confrontation.

 

When the end of his shift came and went, and then the next one, and then the next one, Hux found himself settling back into himself again. The base floor plans were quickly memorized, as were the names of every high-ranked official, and all of the paperwork was completed, double-checked and submitted. By the end of Hux’s first week as general of the base, the memory of dealing with Ren was like a distant nightmare; fuzzy and easily brushed aside. Whether it had been a hazing of sorts from Ren himself or something Snoke had put him up to, Hux determined that he must’ve succeeded since he didn’t even see a glimpse of the knight – and glad for it – into the first weekend at the base.

 

That night after giving Ren a tour of the base Hux had been genuinely tempted to reach into his refresher cupboard and swallow down a Sinaffec pill to steal away the mess of emotions plaguing him. Hux hadn’t struggled with control to this extent for years. It felt like giving in though, admitting defeat to whatever game Ren was playing. Though he had slept restlessly, Hux had managed through the evening and by the next morning he was calmer. Now it was a non-issue with Ren’s presence blissfully missing, and Hux wasn’t going to let himself do something as foolish as be curious about Ren’s sudden disappearance after being such a consistent pain in the ass.

 

#

 

Hux had spent the weekend completing the planning of his weapon, and had the schematics sent to Snoke through an encrypted link by the start of the following week. The weapon had nearly been complete in its design already but the final calculations and double-checking of numbers had fallen by the wayside in favour of other work and eventually his designation ceremony. Less than a day after sending the schematics, Hux was given a request to contact Snoke after his shift.

 

On his way to the holodeck closest to his rooms, Hux felt a clench of anxiety in his stomach that had him mentally cursing. He knew this holodeck was the one Ren used when contacting the Supreme Leader since it was close to his rooms as well. If praying was something Hux indulged in, he would’ve prayed that he didn’t run into Ren en route or worse, in the holodeck itself.

 

Thankfully he was spared from running into Ren, and had a very satisfying conversation with Snoke who was impressed with Hux’s plans for the weapon and granted permission to begin building on-planet immediately. “I want this completed as soon as possible, General,” Snoke informed him. “Spare no expense. Whatever labour and materials you need will be delivered within days. I trust you to arrange and oversee the process.”

 

“Of course, Supreme Leader,” Hux bowed, face stoic but internally pleased. “Is there anything else?”

 

He expected a quick dismissal so when Snoke said “yes”, Hux had to catch himself from shifting positions to begin his exit. “Do you have anything to report about Kylo Ren?”

 

“Sir?” Hux kept his voice even, tone betraying nothing.

 

“When Ren was in here with me on the weekend meditating, his energies were fluctuating more violently than I’ve seen since I first brought him in as my apprentice,” Snoke revealed.

 

Hux was shocked at being given such information about Ren, and couldn’t quite stop his eyebrows from rising. However, he did have enough control to stop himself from saying anything stupid. Hux hadn’t been lying when he said he wasn’t a tattle-tale; that wasn’t the sort of strategy he enacted. “I showed him to his rooms and then later gave him a tour of the base, Supreme Leader.” Hux kept the details to a minimum. “I haven’t seen him since.”

 

“Hm.” Hux couldn’t tell if he had given an adequate answer, but Snoke asked nothing else of him. “Very well, General. Begin the building of your weapon and send me weekly updates.”

 

Hux didn’t bother with an acknowledgement or farewell this time; Snoke had already disconnected the call. He didn’t know if his omission of the full truth protected Ren as well, but Hux just wanted to avoid any form of meddling micromanagement, especially when it came to his interactions with Ren. Hux returned to his rooms and immediately started putting in the orders for materials and labour he would need at the base for the building of his weapon. It was a matter of balancing speed and costs, but Hux knew he would be able to calculate the ideal plan.

 

#

 

Hux should’ve known that everything was too good to last. He was nearly done his second week of commanding Starkiller Base and the first wave of labourers and materials had arrived the day before to begin work on the weapon. The end of his shift was nearing and Hux was considering what he would like to do with his evening since he had already finished the next week’s worth of paperwork. Perhaps another tour of the warehouse where building was beginning to ensure everything was set up precisely, and then a lengthy swim in the pool after a gym workout.

 

While Hux was pondering this, he heard the command hub door open and close behind him above the general din of noises that filled the room from quiet chatter to machine beeping. The prickling sensation against the skin at the back of Hux’s neck was the warning he needed to know who was approaching him from behind, and prepare himself for the confrontation to come.

 

“So that’s what you consider _not_ being a tattle-tale, General?” Ren began even before he had fully reached where Hux was standing. Hux was prepared and didn’t stumble when Ren grabbed his shoulder and wrenched his body around. Hux was quick to knock Ren’s hand away, aware that everyone had stopped their duties to watch this unfold. “Running off to the Supreme Leader and telling him to keep me away from you because I’m _unstable_?”

 

Hux’s eyebrows furrowed with genuine confusion. “I didn’t—”

 

“Of course you didn’t.” Though Ren’s helmet was on, his sneer was audible. “Everyone at this base should be more worried about _your_ instability, Hux. If I’m not mistaken, a boy ended up dead at the Academy because of you and your out-of-control emotions.” Hux felt his body flush as the memory filled his mind but tried to contain the echo of his emotions from that moment. He could never regret that day. “They needed to shove Sinaffec down your throat just to get your anger in check.”

 

Hux could feel the weight of every pair of eyes in the room on him. It infuriated him that Ren was not only intent on continuing this childish behaviour, but was actively trying to turn Hux’s men against him. Who was Ren to read Hux’s personal file – _how had he gotten a copy anyway?_ – and then chuck all of Hux’s dirty laundry on the floor for everyone to judge? He needed to remain calm though, at least outwardly. With the mention of Sinaffec, Hux knew every micro expression would be noticed now.

 

Hux promised himself, silently, that he would kill Ren one day for this. He didn’t know how, or when, but Ren would suffer at his hand.

 

With one breath, Hux cleared his throat to steady his voice and responded. “Congratulations on wasting your time hacking into personal files – which is treasonous, by the way – rather than doing your job,” Hux held his hands behind his back to avoid clenching his fingers into fists. He glanced quickly around the room and a few of his officers looked away, embarrassed to be involved in this scene.

 

Hux knew there was no sense denying Ren’s accusations; otherwise gossip would spread. “Yes, I was forcefully given those drugs when I was twelve after I dealt with a boy who thought he could get away with bullying and tormenting me. He was wrong and yes, that can be taken as a warning.” The room remained eerily silent. “Since then I have managed my emotions adequately without the aid of Sinaffec. However, based on your behaviour I shiver imagining the ongoing terror you were to your family until they were finally rid of you.”

 

It happened in the blink of an eye. Hux’s final insult had barely rolled off his tongue before a lightsaber was in Ren’s hand and activated. The blade of it was mere centimetres away from Hux’s neck just below his ear, the heat intense enough that he anticipated a lingering burn. Hux heard around him a flurry of commotion and Mitaka calling out for Ren to stop, and then everything was muffled. Though he wouldn’t turn his head and risk brushing against the saber's energy blade, out of the corner of his eye Hux could see a nearly-invisible shimmering wall that seemed to be holding everyone at a distance from the pair of them. Ren was more adept with the Force than Hux expected for an apprentice.

 

“Take that back or I’ll kill you,” Ren said, tone serious and deadly.

 

None of Hux’s officers could reach him through Ren’s Force wall, but they were still witnessing events as they unfolded. Hux realized that if he backed down now he’d lose respect from his officers forever. He could feel the pulse of Ren’s blade as he swallowed and spoke. “Do it,” he dared, “and see what punishment the Supreme Leader has for you after killing his specially-selected general.”

 

Ren wavered. Hux felt a searing sensation when the blade got closer to his ear. Then it was gone, saber deactivated and hilt hooked back at Ren’s hip. Hux ignored the urge to raise a hand and check for damaged skin as he watched Ren turn on his heel and begin to stalk towards the exit. So frustrated with this drama, Hux couldn’t stop himself from saying one last thing, “You’re a bully and a coward.”

 

Across the room Ren stopped in his tracks and whirled around with a hand raised. Hux had anticipated more barbed words but instead he felt the sensation of two hands closing around his throat and tightening. All of his officers were watching with horror, unable to do anything to break through Ren’s Force barrier. Hux reached up but there were no hands to grab away, and he could quickly feel his body panicking; heart racing and lungs screaming for air.

 

As his vision began to dim, the alarm bells in Hux’s head quietened, as did his thoughts. The only clear concept Hux was able to grasp was that he was going to die. Hux wouldn’t need to worry about acting proper or proving himself anymore; he could rest. The idea didn’t sound so bad; almost peaceful.

 

But _no_ , Hux had not endured years of bullying and abuse and fought so hard just to be strangled by some childish brat. Fury and determination swelled within Hux’s chest and consumed him like a flame and a moment later the invisible hands were gone from his throat and Hux could breathe. Hux caught himself from falling to his knees as he hurriedly gulped down air, wavering on his feet but remaining standing. In that moment Hux would give almost anything for Ren to not be wearing his helmet; he wanted to see the man’s expression and read it, understand.

 

Ren said nothing, no explanation offered before he started to leave the room again. Though his voice was embarrassingly raspy, Hux muttered, “Nothing but empty threats and magic tricks.”

 

He knew Ren had heard him but the man didn’t react, merely left. As soon as Ren was gone from the room and the door closed behind him, the Force barrier dissipated and Hux’s officers surrounded him in a worried throng. Mitaka managed to push his way to the front, eyes wide and worried. “Sir, should we subdue Lord Ren?”

 

Hux gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “Don’t bother,” he said and then paused to clear his throat, wincing at the rawness of it after Ren’s attack. “I don’t want my men subjected to that. And I suspect he’s left to sulk rather than do more damage.”

 

“You should be seen by medical,” Mitaka lingered after Hux sent everyone else back to their posts. Hux knew they were likely all gawking at him because of the attack, but he couldn’t help worrying that they were thinking over Ren’s comments about Hux’s emotions and the Sinaffec pills. “Your shift is practically over already,” he pressed when Hux didn’t respond.

 

Realizing that Mitaka wasn’t going to back off and knowing there was nothing else productive he could get done during this shift, Hux relented. “You don’t have to join me, Lieutenant,” Hux said when Mitaka trailed along down the hallway with him. “I’m perfectly capable of walking.”

 

“I know, sir,” Mitaka said. “But I’d feel better making sure you get to medbay alright.”

 

Hux could’ve pointed out that Mitaka hadn’t been very helpful during Ren’s attack, and wouldn’t be any more use if Ren changed his mind and showed up to finish what he started. He didn’t though; swallowing was a genuine pain, let alone talking needlessly. They walked in silence and Mitaka hovered while the doctor looked Hux over in medbay. Hux was diagnosed with a bruised trachea and told to avoid speaking as much as possible for a few days, but was assured that there would be no lasting damage.

 

When the doctor excused himself to get a liquid Hux could swallow to soothe his throat, Mitaka cleared his throat. Mitaka was staring at his feet when Hux looked up. “What is it?”

 

“I just wanted to say…” Mitaka bit his lip and then looked up. “What Lord Ren said—” Mitaka shook his head. “I’ve never known a general who didn’t need a daily dose, before you. We all know you’re a good general regardless. It doesn’t matter to any of us whether you take Sinaffec or not.”

 

“You’re right, it doesn’t matter. But… thanks,” Hux croaked awkwardly. The reassurance, though not something Hux should be seeking, was appreciated. The doctor returned then to hand Hux a bottle and give him a few final instructions before discharging him to bed rest. Once they were back in the hallway Hux looked at Mitaka. “I don’t need an escort to my room. I’ll be fine on my own until my shift tomorrow.”

 

“But the doctor said bed rest—” Hux sent Mitaka a look. “Right sir, of course. Then I’ll see you at tomorrow’s shift.”

 

Hux nodded and made sure the lieutenant was actually leaving before continuing to walk towards his rooms alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting; life has been crazy busy. I hope you enjoy this chapter though :) Thanks so much for all the amazing feedback! :D

It would’ve been considered a long day even before Ren’s outburst and attack in the command hub, and Hux was looking forward to falling into bed. With his throat as sore as it was simply with breathing and swallowing, the thought of trying to eat was off-putting enough that Hux didn’t bother ordering food to his room. Instead, he changed directly into his sleepwear and put the medication bottle in his refresher before lying down.

 

Hux was almost immediately asleep but his sleep was not restful. He dreamt of being locked back up in solitary confinement at the Academy. He dreamt that Ren – in his armour and with his helmet and black cloak – came to his door every day, sometimes to mock him and other times to silently judge. Hux was never given food, only Sinaffec pills strong enough to wipe away even his concern about starving to death. He dreamt of Ren one day coming into his room when Hux was too weakened to do anything but huddle in the corner.

 

Before Hux could find out what Ren would’ve done to him in that corner, the buzzing of someone at his door jolted Hux out of sleep. Hux was breathing hard, his shirt clinging to his chest with sweat. He rubbed at his face and dragged himself out of bed, groaning as he did so. It felt like he had been pummelled with fists, his whole body stiff and aching.

 

When he opened the door there was a delivery droid waiting for him. “Food order for delivery,” it announced, and a compartment in the centre of its chest opened to reveal a steaming food tray. Hux assumed it must’ve been Mitaka who ordered the meal for him, though it was odd that the lieutenant hadn’t sent a message to accompany it, as was his custom.

 

Regardless, Hux took the tray and the droid continued on its way to make other deliveries. As Hux closed the door and turned on a light in his front living room and study he saw that the tray had a large bowl of soup, a smaller bowl of oatmeal, and a mug of tea that smelled of lemon and honey. It felt like there was glass shards lodged in his throat but considering that everything was soft and warm, Hux was willing to attempt this meal.

 

He sat down at his desk and started to eat, spoon in one hand and chin propped up in the palm of his other hand. Hux couldn’t remember ever feeling so exhausted and worn down in his life. Each swallow of food made him wince, and built his irritation at Ren all over again. And now Hux was having _nightmares_ … He scoffed at his own foolishness and had a sip of tea. This needed to stop. Even if Ren kept up his antics, Hux couldn’t stoop to his level and continue provoking him in return.

 

After eating as much of the meal that he could manage, Hux returned to his small bedroom. For the first time since waking up from his nightmare Hux checked the clock. _0100_ hours. No wonder why he was exhausted, though he had managed a few hours of restless sleep after his shift and Ren's attack. What Hux needed now was more sleep, and to meditate. It was a tactic he had used often when he was younger when he was struggling with a particularly strong wave of emotions. He was rusty now, but he remembered the technique.

 

Hux changed into a new, dry shirt and lay back down in bed. He switched off the lights and closed his eyes, taking slow, measured breaths in and out as he tried to clear his mind of any thought or feeling. Hux might've been successful, except that even when his mind was blissfully silent, his next swallow would cause another flare up of pain and annoyance.

 

Remembering the medication the doctor had given him, Hux pulled himself back out of bed and trudged to the refresher to flick on the light. The sight that caught his eye in the mirror was not a pretty one. Hux's skin was sallow, with bruise-like marks under his eyes from tiredness. They were nothing compared to the ring of bruises around his throat though, which were the distinct shape of Ren's long fingers. Hux brushed a finger against the skin, feeling how tender it was simply to touch.

 

How dare Ren mark him...

 

 _Don't think about it_.

 

Attack him in front of his own men...

 

_It doesn't matter._

 

There would be no way to hide these bruises. Everyone would see them...

 

_They'll follow you anyway._

 

Hear the rasp of Hux's voice and know he had been powerless...

 

_Deep breaths._

 

Powerless to Kylo-kriffing-Ren...

 

Hux's fingers gripped the edge of the sink painfully tight. Hux wished it was Ren's neck.

 

" _Asshole_ ," Hux croaked, and frowned at his reflection and the wispy strain in his voice.

 

He wanted Ren to pay. Hux wanted to grab his standard-issue firearm and find Ren wherever in the base he was and shoot him.

 

_Not worth it. Not worth it._

 

With all of Ren's armour, it was unlikely that only one shot would kill him. If Hux attacked Ren and didn't kill him, Ren would certainly kill Hux. Even if he didn't, Hux would be tried and hanged for treason; Snoke would not take kindly to his special apprentice getting killed by his general. Everything Hux had worked for his entire life would be null and void, a waste.

 

Instead of the throat medication, Hux took out his Sinaffec pill bottle to study it. It was the last thing Hux wanted to do; the final resort. Besides the fact that it felt like failing, needing the Sinaffec, Hux simply despised the sensation of his emotions draining away in the moment of limbo when his emotions were leaving but not yet gone. And once they _were_ gone, it was like being a hollow shade, drifting through his daily routine.

 

Hux would do it, if it was what was best for his crew. But he told himself that he was stronger than this; stronger than whatever Ren could evoke in him. Hux wouldn't be able to meditate with his throat hurting the way it was, and Hux doubted sleep would come easily again. There was one last thing he could try though, before turning to medication. And so Hux left the refresher, changed into workout clothes, and headed down the hallway to the nearby officers' gym.

 

At such a late hour he wasn't surprised to find the gym empty, but he was glad for it. Hux spent some time stretching out his body, working out the tension and also trying to clear his thoughts again. Once that was done he lifted some weights but quickly realized his body was too tired to safely lift his normal weights. Hux also knew that running on a treadmill could be a mistake if the increased pace of his breathing would make his throat even more painful. Besides, Hux was still angry and he wanted to feel the result of his physical weight, some form of impact.

 

He found his answer in the corner of the gym where a punching bag was strung up. Hux found some materials in the small storage room attached to the gym and bound his hands, not willing to risk further injury. Almost immediately after beginning to hit the bag Hux knew he had made the right choice; each _thud_ of his fists hitting fabric was satisfying. Hand-to-hand combat had never been Hux's strongest skill, but he was certainly adequate enough to hold his own in a fight if it ever became necessary.

 

"Move your feet more."

 

"Kriff!" Hux startled and cursed under his breath at the deep voice behind him. He had been so focused on the punching bag – his mind finally clearing of everything except the plans for his next string of punches – that he hadn't heard someone else entering the gym.

 

The voice seemed familiar and yet not. Hux spun to face the other person in the gym and lowered his fists. The man in front of him was tall and broad-shouldered, with large hands and feet – which were bare. He was wearing a pair of plain black pants and a black tank top, the fabric loose for easy movement. Hux saw that the man's hair was similarly black, and long except that it was held out of his face by a tie. This man wasn't anyone Hux recognized, which was impossible if he was an officer since the man had a very distinct face: dark eyes, big nose and lips, bigger ears, and a few moles dotting his skin. It was impossible to miss the fact that the taller man looked... well, _good_. He was extremely well built with a muscular physique.

 

"Standing still..." the man waved a hand towards Hux's feet rooted in place, "It'll get you killed. The more you move the harder you are to hit."

 

"Who...?" Hux began to ask and then trailed off when he noticed a heap of black fabric against the wall near the door. If that wasn't enough, Ren's helmet on top of the mound made things clear. Hux's gaze flashed back to Ren. "You."

 

Ren shifted his weight from one foot to the other. It was the first time Hux had seen Ren look uncomfortable, though it was also the first time Hux had seen Ren's face or any expression at all. Maybe Ren needed to wear the helmet because his stupid, disproportioned face was too expressive. "Yeah," he responded lamely.

 

Hux shook his head in disbelief and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing the strands that had come loose from the gel he normally used back and out of his face. "Just my luck that you'd be here in the middle of the night."

 

"I'm here every night after everyone else goes to bed," Ren admitted, still not moving from where he stood about ten feet away from Hux.

 

"Then I'll know when to not come," Hux said in return. "And you can keep your fighting tips to yourself." Ren shrugged and said nothing. Not trusting himself to stay in the same room as Ren and not let his quickly-mounting frustration get the better of him, Hux started to unwrap his hands and walk towards the exit. He was confused when he found the door sealed shut when he tried to open it, even though this door didn't normally have a locking mechanism. "What did you do?" he demanded, looking at Ren over his shoulder.

 

"I always lock it so I can take my helmet off and no one will see me," Ren explained.

 

"I get it," Hux said. "I'd want to hide that mess of a face from the world too."

 

Ren glared at him from across the room. "Fuck you."

 

"How original," Hux scoffed. "Now open the door before I do something I regret."

 

"Like what?" Now Ren looked amused, chuckling under his breath. "Bore me to death with a lecture?"

 

Hux imagined how it would feel to shoot Ren between the eyes, but his pistol was locked away in the safe in his closet. His only option, if he wanted to follow through on a threat, would be physical combat. As a skilled strategist, Hux didn't make a habit of picking fights he couldn't win. It was better if he just walked away. "Forget it. Open the door."

 

"Well you're doing a marvellous job of being boring so far," Ren walked away to the storage room.

 

Hux tried the door again and found that it remained sealed closed. "Ren, I'm serious."

 

"As am I," Ren said solemnly. He re-emerged holding two bokken. "I want us to have a fair fight."

 

"Strangling me in front of my men wasn't satisfying enough for you?" Hux huffed. He considered the hilt of the bokken when Ren held one out to him in offering and then took it. There would be no way for Hux to win this fight, not if Ren's primary weapon was a lightsaber with similar distribution and weight to these wooden swords. Yet there was no way Hux could allow himself to back down from a challenge from this man, however stupid it might be.

 

"Not as satisfying as I anticipated." Ren clasped the hilt of the other bokken and walked to the centre of the room, leaving Hux to follow him away from the door, which he did.

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

 

"I was angry," Ren said, facing Hux but with his sword lowered. "Normally silencing what is annoying me solves the problem."

 

" _The problem_ ," Hux echoed, disbelieving. "You speak like you've been completely innocent rather than being a nuisance and investing what seems to be all of your time and energy into getting under my skin."

 

"I'd assume a First Order general should be a little better at ignoring _nuisances_ ," Ren shot back.

 

Hux's hand on the hilt of his sword tightened. "You're in a league of your own. No one has ever pissed me off as effectively as you have," Hux said before he thought that it might not be smart to reveal such a piece of information. He saw Ren frown. "Now, are we going to fight or will you open the damn door?"

 

Ren raised his bokken. "We fight."

 

Resigning himself, Hux lifted his sword up into a guard position. He wouldn't win this match but it would be nice if he could at least put up a reasonable fight. Brendol would never have let his son graduate without being somewhat skilled in every aspect of combat, and hopefully that would come in handy tonight. Neither of them moved, both Ren and Hux eyeing each other and sizing one another up. They had never seen one another fight so neither of them knew the other's style and strategies.

 

Ren moved first, though it was only to take two steps to the side. Hux matched him, and noticed Ren watching his feet before glancing back up to study his face. Hux kept even with each of Ren's moves as they circled each other, cautious and determined. Finally Ren lunged, though he was far enough away that Hux was able to raise his sword to block the hit and then take a swing of his own that Ren dodged before retreating. Ren lunged again after a beat which Hux blocked again, the strength of Ren's impact jolting Hux's shoulders.

 

Hux wanted to roll his eyes but wouldn't complain aloud. Ren said he wanted a fair fight but this was anything but fair. Hux was sleep deprived, and sore from his earlier work out. Not to mention the fact that as he breathed harder his throat felt increasingly raw, making each drawn breath a distracting pain of its own. Unwilling to give up, Hux took the offensive and made a few calculated swings at Ren's face or limbs; smacking Ren in the face would be pleasing but Hux would take whatever hit he could manage.

 

Unfortunately, he seemed unable to land a single hit to Ren's body. Each strike was blocked or parried and then countered with a few of Ren's own swings and jabs. For a few minutes Hux stood his ground, both of them evenly matched in the centre of the room. But as his throat got worse and Hux's limbs began to shake with exhaustion, he found himself slowly retreating until his back was against the cool gym wall.

 

Ren swung hard for a finishing blow and Hux raised his own sword for one last defence. Their swords locked at the narrow cross guards and Hux's arms screamed with the effort needed to hold Ren's weight at bay. The fact that Hux was shaking became obvious with the two bokken interlocked, and Hux knew Ren could tell. Hux didn't want to lose, but he felt his arms begin to buckle beneath Ren's strength. Both swords inched towards him as his strength waned, and Hux couldn't help but cry out with pain and anger when the wood of his own bokken was pushed against his already-injured throat.

 

At Hux's cry, Ren relented and eased off his attack, but only enough to stop the locked swords from hitting Hux's throat. Hux was fully pinned to the wall by the swords and Ren's own body, which loomed a few inches over him. "If you were anyone else you'd be dead," Ren muttered. His voice sounded deeper with physical exertion, and richer without the manipulation of the helmet.

 

Hux thought back to the day before in the command hub when Ren could've killed him but didn't after Hux pointed out that Snoke would have been displeased with Ren killing his general. "Scared of your master, if not me," he concluded.

 

"Think what you want."

 

With their faces so close together, it was impossible for Hux to miss Ren's eyes flickering down to Hux's neck, and then back up slightly to his lips. Suddenly Hux was thinking new and wholly inappropriate thoughts as his body flushed with heat, aware of every point of contact with Ren's own body. "Get off," he said, and then louder, "Get off!"

 

The desperation in his voice must've been obvious because Ren withdrew his sword and stepped back. "Hux—"

 

Hux threw his bokken from his trembling hands to the floor. "I surrender, okay? You win."

 

He dashed for the exit and burst through the door which was no longer sealed shut. When Ren didn't pursue him there was a small pang of something in Hux's chest which he ignored. It was just another reason to run faster. At this late hour there was no one else in the halls to see him and Hux locked the door as soon as he got back into his room. In the refresher Hux grabbed a glass of water and a Sinaffec pill. Both were downed in a rush. Then Hux stripped off his sweaty clothes and sat in his shower with his back against the cold tile. He waited and acknowledged each emotion as it winked out of existence.

 

There was relief, then there was regret, and then there was nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

Mitaka jumped to his feet when Hux entered the command centre the next day. "Morning, sir, how are you feeling?"

 

"Well, thank you," Hux nodded at him before walking towards his own work station. He saw others glancing over at him, no doubt curious to see how bad the bruising was on his neck, but then they went back to work and didn't cause a fuss.

 

"Is your throat sore?" Mitaka asked, having followed Hux to his station. "You could always take a day off—"

 

"The medication from the doctor is adequate," Hux cut him off. "And the concern is unnecessary. There is plenty of work to do and I am more than capable of doing it."

 

"Of course, sir," Mitaka bobbed his head in acknowledgement. "I didn't mean to imply..."

 

"I know," Hux assured the man. "And the food you had sent to my rooms last night was helpful, but now I need you to get back to work."

 

Mitaka frowned. "I didn't send food to your rooms last night."

 

Hux paused, thoughtful. "My mistake," he said. "Regardless..." he motioned a hand back towards Mitaka's own work station.

 

Mitaka saluted and left as ordered. Hux brushed the thought of the food showing up at his room the night before from his mind and powered on his work terminal, reading through the briefing reports that had been submitted by all of his primary officers. The day was quiet and productive. In the morning he finished reviewing all of the pending reports and then toured the building facility for Starkiller. After lunch Hux settled back at his work station and started preparing a detailed progress report for Snoke to provide an update on the weapon. Hux wouldn't partake in a conference through the holodeck while his neck was bruised, but he could still transmit a written report without problem.

 

"Sir?"

 

"What is it?" Hux looked up from his screen to regard a maintenance tech who had just approached him.

 

"I'm here to report damage to the officers' gym in C wing," the man informed him, looking nervous at being in a room with so many high-ranked officers.

 

Hux quirked an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be reporting that to your supervisor, rather than me?"

 

"O-of course," the tech stuttered, cheeks flushed. "I did, sir. But she told me you would want a direct report on the details of the damage..."

 

"Which are...?"

 

The man swallowed thickly. "It's damage from a high-intensity energy weapon, sir. A lightsaber, we suspect."

 

"I see," Hux said, knowing that there was only one person at the base who possessed and wielded a lightsaber. "You can return to your task now. Inform your supervisor that I want a copy of the repair report directed to me when it is filed."

 

"I'll tell her," the tech saluted and left, looking relieved at being dismissed.

 

When the tech left, Mitaka was hovering. "Do you think it was...?"

 

"Highly likely," Hux said, and turned back to his computer.

 

"Shouldn't we...?" Mitaka fidgeted with his hands and then shrugged, looking lost.

 

"Leave him to his tantrum," Hux told Mitaka, and looked away from his screen to regard the lieutenant. "Technically this base belongs to the Supreme Leader. When he gets a copy of the damage report he can decide if he wants any action taken."

 

Mitaka chuckled nervously, no doubt a little fearful of Ren after his attack on Hux the day before. "Understood," he said, and left Hux alone again.

 

Hux wondered briefly if the damage Ren had done to the gym was immediately after Hux had fled, or sometime later in the day. After a moment he realized it wasn't worth pondering, and turned back to finish typing his reports so that he could call an end to his shift and get some dinner.

 

#

 

The following morning Hux woke up feeling groggy and confused by the lingering remnants of a dream he must've had. All he remembered was being back in the gym and duelling Ren, though they had been much more evenly matched. When Hux strained to remember any other details they seemed to slip further from his grasp, until they were nothing but a haze. It wasn't until Hux was out of bed and in the shower that he woke up enough for the confusion to dissipate.

 

Of course he had dreamt in the night; one Sinaffec pill only lasted for twenty four hours, and Hux had taken his sometime in the middle of the night. There had still been a few hours for the drug to wear off and for his emotions to return and manipulate his subconscious while he slept. It hadn't been an upsetting dream, but now that he was awake he felt like he had a hangover. Every emotion was stronger as a direct consequence of being pushed aside and muted previously.

 

He was angry at himself for the weakness he had displayed in front of Ren, as well as the traitorous thoughts he had had about the knight. And Hux was also angry at Ren for... existing; making things difficult. No one ever said that being the general of a First Order base would be easy though. Hux sighed as he got out of the shower and considered the Sinaffec pill bottle on his vanity countertop. Taking the pills seemed to be for the best, at least while Hux had Ren to contend with. However, Hux didn't think it would be necessary for him to be emotionless at all times; just during the day when there was a chance of him running into Ren.

 

Decision made, Hux took the time to break each pill in half and then swallowed one of the halved pills. It would get him through the entirety of his shift, even if it ran long with extra tasks, and also give him time to eat dinner and hit the gym– long before Ren would apparently consider the gym –before returning to his room. The thought occurred to Hux as he shaved that despite Ren going to the gym late and locking the door so no one would see his face, Ren had willingly taken his helmet off and let Hux see him out of his cloak and armour.

 

_Why?_

 

The Sinaffec swept away his curiosity before Hux had an answer and he let his interest in the topic wane. Hux finished up in the refresher, got dressed in his uniform and then left his room for another productive day of work.

 

#

 

"You're taking them, aren't you?"

 

It had been over two weeks since Hux had seen Ren, or more accurately since Hux had _left_ Ren in the gym. Hux had fallen into an efficient routine with work, half of his day spent with reports and ensuring Starkiller was being built well, and the other half of his day preparing the Stormtrooper roster and attack plan for an upcoming raid on a Resistance fleet. Between his work and the Sinaffec, Hux's days passed quickly, and though he was visited by dreams, Hux slept reasonably well.

 

And yet here Ren was, showing up out of nowhere and yanking Hux forcefully into an unused storage room to crowd him against a wall. "Good morning to you, too."

 

" _Aren't you_?" Ren hadn't yet let go of Hux's forearm which he had grabbed to drag him in here in the first place, and his grip tightened painfully.

 

"Taking what?" Hux asked, knowing already but wanting to make things difficult for the knight. He knocked away Ren's hand and Ren let him.

 

"Sinaffec pills." Even through the modulator of the helmet, Ren's voice sounded accusatory as he spat the words.

 

With Sinaffec in his veins it was easier to not be rattled by an argument with Ren. There was no rush of adrenaline screaming at him that he had to fight or flee, no flare of anger or embarrassment at being questioned, and no desire to give Ren a taste of his own medicine. "Did you get bored of questioning my drug habits in public?" he asked.

 

One gloved hand slammed against the wall by Hux's ear, making it ring, though he didn't flinch away. It would be preferable to not incur more injuries now that the bruises around his neck had faded, but if something happened Hux would deal with the results. "You're acting differently."

 

"I'm acting the way a general should," Hux raised an eyebrow. "What business is it of yours?" Unexpectedly, Ren withdrew. Despite the fact that the storage room was tiny, Ren ended up pacing the three steps from one wall to the other and back. Hux checked the timepiece in his pocket; he was going to be late for his shift at this point. "Look, if you're just going to have a fit can I go and leave you to it?" It was impossible to tell what Ren was thinking as he paced when his helmet was on. The only clue that he was agitated, besides the pacing, was the fact that Ren's breathing sounded slightly laboured. "Ren!" he said forcefully to catch the man's attention.

 

Ren spun and slammed both hands against the wall, boxing Hux in. "Your constant struggle to contain your emotions was so loud, like a buzzing in my ear. It was exhausting. I couldn't concentrate," Ren snapped. "So I was trying to push you to take Sinaffec to get some peace. But now it's too quiet."

 

Hux blinked up at Ren, unmoved. “Did you ever think that maybe my emotions were so turbulent because of _you_ , and that I was doing a perfectly adequate job keeping calm until your games?” Ren said nothing. “Well, you got what you wanted. And the only person bothered by the result is you so I don’t exactly feel sorry for you.”

 

“Well you wouldn’t, would you?" Ren grumbled. "Not anymore.”

 

“And I have you to thank,” Hux pointed out. "Now since I can't think of anything else we'd need to possibly say to one another, you need to step aside so I can get to work."

 

Ren didn't just step aside. He stormed out of the storage room entirely and by the time Hux had smoothed out the wrinkles from his uniform and stepped into the hallway, Ren had vanished. The rest of the day passed normally but at the end of his shift, instead of going to the gym, Hux went straight to his room to swallow another Sinaffec half-pill and start in on some paperwork that had piled up.

 

Hux checked the time occasionally and once it had passed 0100 hours, he changed into his workout clothes and walked to the officers' gym. It was empty, as anticipated, and had been repaired to perfection. Hux jogged for thirty minutes to pass the time, though he didn't plan on doing a full exercise routine that night. When he was done jogging Hux wondered if Ren would even show up and if he was being foolish hanging around in the gym waiting. He decided to wait another thirty minutes before giving up and going back to his rooms, and sat against a wall to do just that.

 

Hux hadn't intended to fall asleep, but realized he must've when the sound of a door sliding closed jolted him to his senses. He looked up to watch Ren but didn't immediately stand, still groggy and a little out of sorts. Hux assumed Ren sealed shut the gym door again because Ren started to peel away each layer of his outfit on the opposite side of the room from where Hux stayed. The last to come off were the boots and then the helmet and Hux noticed offhandedly that Ren's ears didn't look as big when his hair wasn't tied back to fully reveal them.

 

When Ren was stripped to his gym clothes he stood a short distance in front of Hux and crossed his arms. "What do you want?"

 

"Answers," Hux said as he stood. "Earlier today you said my emotions were too loud, and now too quiet. What did you mean?"

 

"Why should I tell you anything?" Ren hedged.

 

While the tactic would've been effective at riling Hux up before, after taking the second half of a Sinaffec pill Hux wasn't fazed. "Because, like it or not, we're stuck with each other as long as Snoke has us both posted here. And for whatever reason my emotions seem to be causing you grief. I didn't tell Snoke you were unstable, despite what you thought when you strangled me," Hux sent Ren a pointed look. "But _he_ told _me_ that your energies were fluctuating violently since arriving at the base."

 

Ren scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Don't pretend that you care."

 

"I care about doing a good job; the best job I can do. And you are making it exceedingly difficult to do so." Hux took a deep, steadying breath. "If you help me understand the problem then perhaps we can find a mutually-beneficial solution."

 

"It's not that complex of a concept."

 

"You trying to irritate me right now is tedious and unproductive," Hux pointed out. "I will ask you _once_ to stop; otherwise I'm leaving and your problems are your own." Ren pursed his lips but didn't say anything else to prompt a fight. Taking this as a good sign, Hux asked, "When you feel emotions, is it like someone's thoughts?"

 

"It implies what the person is thinking," Ren said. "If you're speaking to someone and you get a wave of exasperation I could deduct that you're exasperated with them. But I would need to enter your mind to hear direct thoughts, and that cannot be done without detection."

 

Hux knew he would feel more at ease with that information when the drugs wore off. "And can you feel everyone's emotions?"

 

"If they're feeling an emotion strongly enough," Ren explained. "But it's rare. I've learned to block out the interference of others through my training."

 

"Then why can you feel all of mine?"

 

"You feel everything strongly," Ren said with exasperation. "The harder you try to suppress them the stronger your emotions become when they are eventually released."

 

Hux knew to an extent that had to be true, considering the emotional hangover he experienced whenever the Sinaffec wore off. But still, before colliding with Ren, Hux had considered himself to be a relatively even-tempered man. Hux said as much, and then added, "Plus, if the problem was that my emotions were loud and distracting, why are you upset now that they're muted? Whatever my subconscious comes up with when I sleep after the drugs wear off can't possibly be bothersome enough to warrant your tantrums."

 

Now Ren glanced away, looking uncomfortable. "No, what you feel when you dream isn't loud."

 

"Then what's your issue?" Hux pressed, not letting himself linger on the thought that Ren felt an echo of whatever Hux felt when he dreamed.

 

"When you're asleep your emotions aren't... loud enough," Ren released a heavy breath." And the rest of the day they're absent entirely."

 

"Yes..." Hux agreed, not grasping the problem. "That's the point of Sinaffec."

 

Ren ran a hand through his hair and then knotted his fingers in some of the strands. He pulled tightly enough that it looked painful. "I... _feel_ the absence. It's not pleasant."

 

"But you were the one who pushed—"

 

"I know!" Ren hissed, glaring at Hux darkly. "I'm saying I was wrong, okay?"

 

He hadn't known Ren was capable of admitting to mistakes; he seemed too proud and arrogant to do so. "I'm struggling to fathom why it wouldn't be pleasant though," Hux admitted. "Why it matters to you _at all_ what I am or am not feeling."

 

"Do you know any lore about Force wielders?" Ren asked him.

 

Hux shrugged. "No more than the basics. The names of some Force wielders in history, some rumoured skills such as the use of lightsabers and mind control... that sort of thing."

 

Ren swept his fingers through his hair one more time and then crossed his arms, looking defensive. "When I was young and it was discovered that I could wield the Force, I was sent for training. I learned how to hone my skills and was also taught lore about the Light and the Dark side, the Jedi and Sith Lords..." Ren waved his hand as if the details bored him. "I was told that the Force flowed through every living being, even though very few could sense or control it."

 

"Okay..." Hux acknowledged, waiting to see how this sudden monologue would answer his earlier question.

 

"Because of this," Ren continued with his explanation, "through all the variations of life in the infinity of the universe, there was a chance that you could meet someone whose energy melded with your own in a way like no other would." Hux blinked, unsure if he was hearing correctly. Ren took a step closer to him and Hux forgot to step backwards to keep the space between them. "And if you were lucky enough to find them, your energies would be forever intertwined. Being without them would be... unbearable."

 

"You're talking about soul mates," Hux clarified; half statement, half question.

 

"Yes," Ren said a bit breathlessly and took another step closer.

 

Hux took a step back this time and mentally cursed when his back found the gym wall. "Sounds like a load of rubbish to me."

 

Ren frowned. "It would explain why I'm so easily attuned to your emotions, and why I get under your skin seamlessly. It would also explain the way I feel when you take the Sinaffec."

 

"What does it feel like?" Ren sent him a questioning look. "When I take the Sinaffec?"

 

"Like a piece of me has been torn out of my chest," Ren muttered.

 

"That sounds uncomfortable." Hux didn’t know what else to say.

 

Ren sighed loudly, aggrieved. "I can't have this conversation with you when you're like this. There's no feedback. There's nothing but a hollow ache where your emotional energy should be."

 

"You could just be making this up to be more irritating than normal," Hux argued. "How could you call us soul mates? I don't even like you."

 

"You don't _know_ me," Ren countered.

 

"And I don't have any particular interest in changing that."

 

Ren's expression appeared stung, but he remained stubborn. "What did you feel when we met for the first time?"

 

 _Intimidation, curiosity_... Hux's mind supplied. "Annoyance," Hux said, which had also been true.

 

"I don't mean emotionally."

 

Hux's eyebrows furrowed as he thought, and then remembered. "A prickling sensation," he offered hesitantly. "Like electricity against my skin."

 

He saw Ren's eyes widen. "Your energy must've been sensing mine."

 

"Doubtful," Hux scoffed. "A tree has more affinity with the Force than I do, trust me." Hux knew that with certainty; his father had had him tested when he was young.

 

"It can be latent but still react on an instinctive level," Ren explained. "I had wondered why my energy reached out for you that morning. I chalked it up to curious attraction." Hux pointedly ignored that admission and said nothing. Ren took a half-step closer, frustrated now. "Why do you insist on denying it?"

 

"Because I'm not interested in having a childish asshole as a soul mate," Hux stated.

 

"Hux..." Ren's voice was a pleasant rumble in Hux's ear as the taller man stepped in close enough for their chests to be pressed together. Ren's forearms were against the wall on either side of Hux's head, and his face was tucked in close by Hux's jaw. "Give me a chance to prove that I have more to offer."

 

"What could you possibly offer me?" To Hux's dismay, the words didn't come out as sarcastic as he had intended.

 

Ren wasn't being very considerate of Hux's personal space but he also wasn't forcing himself upon Hux; except for the contact of their chests and the slight warmth of Ren's steady exhales against his neck, Ren wasn't touching him. Yet Ren seemed relaxed as he was, body curled in close to Hux's own. "The universe," Ren said quietly, barely more than a whisper. "I would give you the universe."

 

Before Hux could tell Ren how stupidly cheesy that was, he felt a little skip of his heart alongside a muted burst of emotion: attraction, affection and exasperation. It was gone as quickly as it had arrived, like a solitary lightning bolt streaking through a darkened sky, but Ren immediately lifted his head for their eyes to meet. His eyes were curious and imploring. "I felt that."

 

"There was nothing to feel," Hux insisted. "I'm on Sinaffec, remember?" Sinaffec was intentionally made strong enough to spare people from feeling even the strongest emotions. As a general, Hux would be unmoved by watching troops die in battle, and unshaken by threats or torture for information. Yet one ridiculous corny line from an idiot who liked to make lofty promises...

 

"But I felt a spike of something..." Ren looked puzzled as he considered Hux's face, and then hopeful. "Look, I know I started out as a jackass but whatever this is between us is clearly powerful. At least give it a chance. Give _me_ a chance."

 

Against all odds, Hux's heart was beginning to race, fighting the strength of the drugs in his system. It was an unpleasant experience, Hux feeling dizzy and then overwhelmingly nauseous. Ren reached out for him, expression worried, but Hux smacked his hand away. "Don't!" he demanded. Hux's knees buckled as he sank to the floor, taking deep breaths and willing away the urge to vomit. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Ren suddenly stiffen and freeze, staring at nothing. A moment later Ren was shaking his head and kneeling in front of Hux. "What was that?" Hux forced himself to ask.

 

"Snoke is summoning me," Ren said offhandedly. He hesitantly reached a hand out again but huffed when he was rebuffed a second time. "Let me get you to your rooms before I go to the holodeck."

 

"I am not your responsibility," Hux said through gritted teeth. "Nor are you allowed to coddle me after how you've behaved. So leave me alone and go do your kriffing job."

 

Spurned, Ren's expression hardened. "Fine, but if you think I'm giving up forever then you're sorely mistaken."

 

A part of Hux wanted to call out after Ren as he stood and stormed off to the other side of the room to begin yanking on his layers of clothes, though Hux had no idea what he would've said. Instead he focused on his breathing and ignored the distaste at the back of his tongue when he saw Ren's helmet slipped back into place. Hux watched Ren glance back at him, hesitate, and then walk out of the room, and then Hux was alone. He must've sat there on the cold ground for another ten minutes before the nausea and dizziness abated enough for Hux to drag himself to his feet and stumble back to his room and bed where he slept restlessly but without dreams.

 

#

 

The chime of someone trying to summon Hux on his datapad roused him from sleep. Hux rubbed sleep from his eyes and walked quickly to his desk to acknowledge the call. He grabbed the small earpiece attached to the datapad and hooked it onto his ear and then engaged the audio channel coming from the command centre. "Hux here."

 

"Sorry to wake you, sir," Bridget Lee, second lieutenant and just below Mitaka's rank who typically handled the overnight shift, apologized. "We've got a request from a command shuttle for takeoff that hasn't been preapproved."

 

"Who's the pilot?" Hux asked.

 

"Lord Ren, sir."

 

"Patch me through to his frequency directly."

 

"Very good, sir."

 

There was a moment of static as the communication was transferred to a new channel. Hux waited for the ping to confirm the connection had been completed, and was confused when another request came through his datapad. Ren had overrode Hux's audio request with a request for a visual connection. Hux hesitated, wondering if he should decline considering he had just rolled out of bed and hadn't taken his next half-pill of Sinaffec yet. However, the sooner he dealt with this, the sooner he could get back to bed and salvage the remaining few hours before his shift. Plus, he was certain that this communication was through his private command channel so no one else would have access to any of the audio or visual data.

 

Hux accepted the request on his screen and immediately heard a chime of the audio and visual connecting. He saw Ren's helmet filling most of the screen. "Are we on a private channel, General?"

 

"We are," Hux confirmed. After that Ren removed his helmet and set it aside. Hux didn't know what to think or feel when he saw Ren's face after their encounter the night before; he wished he had taken a pill before accepting the call. "What's with the glazed look?" he demanded when he noticed Ren staring.

 

"Your hair is sticking up at odd angles," Ren informed him, one corner of his lips curling up slightly with amusement. "Bed head?"

 

Hux glared. "Not all of us wake up with perfect hair after we sleep."

 

"I appreciate that you think I have perfect hair," Ren's smirk became a little more obvious. "But I didn't sleep last night."

 

"Don't you need sleep like the rest of us humans?" Hux wondered, ignoring Ren's teasing.

 

"Careful, General," Ren warned. "You almost sound concerned."

 

"What are you doing, Ren?" Hux demanded, irritated now though with whom he wasn't certain. "And why did I need to be woken up three hours before my alarm?"

 

Ren's expression turned serious. "The Supreme Leader informed me that Resistance fighters discovered the dockyard planet where your ship, _The Finalizer_ , is nearing its completion before being brought here. I'm being sent to deal with them and ensure the new Star Destroyer is completed and delivered safely."

 

Hux pinched the bridge of his nose. "It sounds like a squad of Stormtroopers should be sent to back you up."

 

"You insult me." Ren gave Hux a wry smile and then reached for his helmet to tug it on. "Send the approval codes and then go back to bed, Hux. I'll deal with this nuisance and bring you your ship. Kylo out," and then the feed went dead.

 

Ren using his first name was a little bizarre but otherwise, Hux had to admit that Ren had almost been tolerable, acting professional for once. He unclipped the earpiece to set aside and sent the approval codes to the command centre, confirming their receipt before heading back to bed. Hux lay down but kept the datapad with him, watching the screen for statistics as Ren was given permission for takeoff and his Upsilon-class shuttle lifted off and disappeared through the planet's atmosphere.

 

Having given the permission for takeoff, Hux had a copy of Ren's proposed flight path that could be accessed through his account. Despite feeling tired, Hux found himself on his back with his knees bent, datapad propped up against them as Ren's shuttle put more and more distance between them. Hux slipped into a dozed state, half-watching the star map displayed on his screen. A text message sent to his private channel caught his attention and Hux opened it curiously.

 

_KR: Sleep._

 

Unwilling to give Ren the satisfaction of responding, Hux rolled his eyes and powered off the datapad before setting it on his nightstand. In the total darkness of his bedroom Hux worried he would need to take another Sinaffec pill just to get back to sleep. It wasn't necessary though, Hux's exhaustion catching up with him and quickly dragging him back down into unconsciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

“Incoming report from Lord Ren, sir.”

 

Hux was already out of his chair, his shift having finished a few minutes ago. He sat down again and pulled out his personal datapad. “Send it through to my channel,” he ordered Mitaka, who did so with a brief flurry of typing on his keypad. There was a ping to notify Hux of the new message on his device and he opened it immediately.

 

_General Hux,_

_Primary Resistance force eliminated. Finishing work on Finalizer restarted. Am tracking a secondary Resistance unit. Unknown return time. Snoke notified._

_KR_

 

Well, Ren wasn’t exactly wordy but he got his message across. It had been just under a week since Ren had left… Since he had offered Hux the universe and smiled at his bed head. Hux had thought Ren’s absence could be the perfect opportunity to wean off the Sinaffec at least temporarily, but was struggling to make it through each day without the drug. Hux was managing, simply because he was stubborn and refused to be reliant on Sinaffec when there were no external stressors sending his emotions out of whack, but he was plagued by the usual emotional hangover as well as other new emotions he hadn’t been anticipating.

 

Despite himself, Hux was curious about everything Ren had told him in the gym the night before his departure. The thought of soul mates was an intriguing one, though it was hard to wrap his head around the concept that in the entirety of the universe, _Ren_ should be the one his energies had an affinity with. Of course, Hux also found himself wondering if he and the knight had just started off on the wrong foot, considering how reasonable their brief video communication had been before Ren took off.

 

Curiosity led to an infinite number of questions that were left unsatisfied with Ren’s absence, and that build up led to the unfortunate side effect of impatience for Ren’s return. Their last two conversations had been unsatisfactory in their lack of closure. Hux wanted to speak with Ren again, if only to clarify things and put the question of soul mates to rest. Then came the worry, which truly had Hux eyeing the Sinaffec pill bottle again. If Ren got killed and never returned, Hux would _never_ get closure and that was unacceptable.

 

And now Ren was telling him that his return time was unknown, not that it had been guaranteed before. Hux swallowed down his huff of impatience. He couldn’t even learn more about the knight until he returned, and who knew when that would be. Then Hux had a thought. “Mitaka.”

 

“Sir?”

 

“Is there any video footage of Ren’s battle with the Resistance force?” Hux wondered. “My understanding of the previous reports was that the Resistance were close to the dockyard; surely there would be surveillance drones on patrol.”

 

“There should be,” Mitaka turned back to his console, frowning with concentration. “Give me a minute to pull up the files and identify the correct ones. I don’t think Lord Ren indicated a time of battle in his report.”

 

Hux glanced back down to the exceptionally brief report from Ren. “That would make it too easy,” Hux muttered under his breath.

 

“Got the files,” Mitaka announced. “Scanning visual recognition for Lord Ren and… there he is!” The video feed was paused. “It looks like he landed right in front of them. Do you want these sent to your personal console?”

 

Hux shook his head and stood, walking forward slightly to the primary screen at the front of the room. “No, play it here.”

 

He heard the sound of more typing and then the screen flickered until a copy of the video feed was on display. Hux noticed most of the other personnel in the hub were pausing in their tasks to look at the screen as well and Hux didn’t bother telling them to get back to work. “Starting now,” Mitaka said and then pressed a key for the video to begin playback again.

 

From the aerial view of a surveillance drone, Hux saw Ren’s shuttle touch down on a patch of barren soil a short distance outside of the massive warehouse-like building that no doubt housed the nearly-completed _Finalizer_. Hux could see that there was a swarm of Resistance fighters between Ren and the walls of the dockyard building. They had been working on forcing entry but the majority of them turned to face the newcomer while a few continued to scrabble with the encrypted entry scanner.

 

Ren was in full battle attire from boots to helmet, and as he stalked from his ship towards the group of fighters, Ren pulled his lightsaber from his waist and activated it. The red pulsing light of it momentarily blurred the lens of the drone before it auto-corrected the focus. Already Ren was approaching the mob with broad, even paces, ignoring the way his enemy jeered at his advance.

 

 _Fools_ , Hux thought.

 

Hux watched as the fighters lined up in a double row, blasters aimed and ready. Ren didn't even slow down, let alone hesitate, and Hux unknowingly held his breath as a command he couldn't hear was shouted and each blaster lit up and shot. In the time it took Hux to blink, Ren had raised his hand and every bolt of energy froze in midair. As Ren strode towards the wall of light, some of the bolts veered off to kick up dirt from the ground while others shuddered and then turned, flying right back at the shooters.

 

In the disarray caused by the return fire, some Resistance fighters dropped dead to the ground while others scrambled. A few were stupid enough to shoot at Ren again, merely giving him more ammunition to redirect. Others pulled archaic-looking handheld weapons from their belts as Ren continued his advancement. As Ren reached the group of fighters he was accompanied by a volley of the final blaster shots his enemies had released in his direction.

 

After that Ren could only be described as a blur of shadow dancing with blood-red light and Hux couldn't remember if he had ever seen something so beautifully enthralling.

 

Each Resistance fighter was struck and fell in a heap, no one putting up enough of a fight to do more than momentarily slow Ren's energy blade as it sliced through flesh and bone. The time it took until every enemy of the First Order was a steaming pile at Ren's feet was only lengthy due to the number of soldiers Ren had to deal with. When they had all fallen, Ren took the time to walk among the corpses and ensure none of them would rise to cause further trouble. Hux expected Ren to board his shuttle again at that point and was confused when Ren stopped in the middle of a patch of dirt a short distance from his shuttle and looked skyward.

 

"What's he looking for?" Mitaka wondered.

 

Hux leaned closer to the screen. The drone was too high up for any discernable words spoken on the surface to be heard, but Hux's keen hearing picked up a building whine of wings cutting through upper atmosphere. "That," he said confidently as a T-70 X-wing starfighter dipped below cloud cover and released a spray of bullets in the direction of Ren and his shuttle. Ren had been prepared though, and with another raised hand the starfighter spun out of control and impacted with an explosion against the planet a few hundred meters away.

 

Two more X-wings showed up on the tail of the leader, zigzagging in an attempt to stay alive and take down their target. Ren dealt with them as efficiently as the first, shielding both himself and his shuttle from the next wave of bullets before sending the final two ships careening into the soil to burn. In the distance there was smoke billowing up from the three fighter crashes, though there was no flora to catch and spread the fire. The Resistance fighters were long dead, and nothing else stirred.

 

"He's a bit terrifying, isn't he?" Mitaka whispered, half scared, half in awe.

 

Hux gave a grunt as his response. Admittedly, when he had first met Ren, Hux had been a little intimidated by him. Now he was just aroused. "Have a copy of these sent to my channel for review," Hux requested, watching as Ren stood at the centre of a circle of carnage he had created and then stalked back to his shuttle.

 

"Can do, General," Mitaka acknowledged and started working on his console again to do just that. "Is there anything else you need?"

 

"Not at present," Hux said before calling out his farewells and heading to his room. At least, Hux didn't need anything that Mitaka could provide. In the privacy of his own rooms Hux put in an order for dinner to be delivered directly to his rooms, and then sat down at his desk. With only a twinge of guilt Hux powered on his datapad, opened the video files newly sent by Mitaka, and started to replay them.

 

#

 

Hux lay in bed, half-propped up against the headboard and pillows. He breathed in the warm breeze that smelled of wildflowers as it brushed against his skin, and stared out at the endless expanse of fields and blue sky in every direction from the hill on which Hux was perched. Hux had been here before; it was familiar to him. What wasn’t familiar was the sight of a black smudge on the horizon and steadily approaching through the tall grass and wildflowers. Hux watched as the smudge turned into the shape of a man, cloaked in shadow despite the sun overhead, but felt no concern and remained calm.

 

At the base of the grassy hill the man’s identity became obvious. Ren’s armour and cloak were still on but his gloves and helmet were missing, his dark hair tugged playfully by the wind. Hux remained where he was and only felt his heart skip with nerves when Ren hesitated at the edge of the bed, one knee denting the mattress. Ren’s dark eyes held Hux’s own. “How did you find this place?” Hux asked.

 

“You were calling out for me,” Ren stated confidently. “It feels like I walked an age, but I followed your call and arrived here.”

 

Ren kicked off his boots and then both knees were on the mattress. “I wasn’t calling out for you,” Hux assured Ren. “And I don’t know what you think you’re doing.”

 

Ren ignored him and lay down against the pillows on the opposite side of the bed. There were a few inches of space between their bodies but it felt electrified with a static charge. Ren held out his hand, bare palm up and welcoming. “Give me your hand.”

 

Hux yanked his hand further away even though Ren hadn’t specifically reached for it. “Why?”

 

“Are you capable of trusting me for ten seconds?” Ren rolled his eyes but kept his hand outstretched, patiently waiting. “I promise I’ll explain but you need to hold my hand before I do.”

 

“This seems like a trick,” Hux said. He considered Ren for a long moment, taking in the details of his face. Hux read sincerity in Ren’s eyes and so he hesitantly reached his hand out. Their palms pressed together and Ren laced his larger fingers between Hux’s own, holding his hand tightly but not painfully. It… wasn’t awful, Hux grudgingly admitted silently to himself. “You owe me an explanation.”

 

“I do,” Ren agreed. “We needed to hold hands so that you are tethered to me and don’t wake up when I tell you that you’re dreaming.”

 

Lucidity had Hux’s mind sharpening even as the world around him trembled and rippled. True to his words, Ren’s hand was a steadying anchor to keep Hux from drifting away until the dreamscape settled around him. Once more the breeze was back, caressing his face and hair while the grass sighed with it. “I knew I was dreaming,” Hux lied.

 

“Like stars you did,” Ren chuckled. Their clasped hands rested on the mattress between them. “It’s okay to not know everything.”

 

“So does that mean I’m dreaming you as well?” Hux wondered.

 

Ren shook his head. “No. This field and bed isn’t real but I’m really here; at least my consciousness is. Believe me if you want,” he shrugged when Hux studied his face for signs of a lie. “But I was telling the truth when I said I followed your call and found you here.”

 

“I really wasn’t calling out for you though,” Hux insisted.

 

“It must’ve been a subconscious call then.” At this, Ren peered at Hux curiously.

 

Hux didn’t know what to say to defend his traitorous subconscious so instead he asked, “Is this something you can do anytime?” They were a whole star system apart right now.

 

“Only when we’re both sleeping, or when you’re sleeping and I’m very deep in my meditative state,” Ren explained. “Plus I need you to want me to find you. Back at base I’d be able to track down your consciousness easily due to proximity but this far apart I need some sort of beacon to follow since you aren’t Force sensitive.”

 

“Can you…” Hux wet his lips. “Can you do this with anyone?”

 

Ren squeezed his hand and the gesture was surprisingly comforting. “No.”

 

Hux knew Ren wanted to say more and pick up the topic of soul mates again, but he didn’t. “Oh.”

 

They sat side by side on the bed for a few minutes in silence, fingers entwined and eyes on the grass and flowers swaying in the breeze. It was more comfortable than Hux had ever expected it could be between himself and Ren. “Where is this place?” Ren eventually broke the silence with his question.

 

Hux tensed slightly where he sat. “It’s nowhere. Just something my imagination came up with.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye Hux saw that Ren was watching him, even though Hux wouldn’t turn his face for their eyes to meet. “Then why do you feel so protective of it?”

 

“Stop prying,” Hux wanted to demand but it came out sounding more like a tired request.

 

“Will you tell me one day when you’re comfortable?” Ren asked. Hux honestly didn’t know the answer to that, if he would ever feel comfortable enough to share something this personal with Ren. Weeks ago when he had first met Ren and clashed with the knight, the mere idea of sharing pieces of his childhood with Ren would be out of the question. Now… Hux wasn’t sure. When Hux remained silent, Ren asked a different question. “Will you tell me something else about yourself?”

 

“Why?”

 

Ren’s thumb started a delicate and repetitive sweep across the back of Hux’s hand. Hux glanced over. Ren was still watching him, expression openly earnest. “Because I want to know you; whatever you’re comfortable with sharing.”

 

“I’m definitely dreaming,” Hux scoffed. “There’s no way you’re capable of being this polite and patient.”

 

Hux got a crooked smile in return. “True, I generally prefer assertive action. But I’m capable of other strategies when being aggressive would hinder my goals.”

 

“Which are what?”

 

“To show you there’s more to me than you think there is,” Ren said.

 

The sincerity in those eyes had Hux looking away again. “When I was young…” he began after a moment, deciding that if this was a dream version of Ren, telling him a small fact wouldn’t matter, and if it was the true Ren he had earned a small tidbit. “I took lessons and played the violin.”

 

“An antique instrument?” Ren sounded intrigued and a little surprised.

 

“My mother’s idea, not my father’s, I assure you.”

 

“Hm,” Ren made a thoughtful noise. “Would you play for me one day?”

 

“I haven’t had a violin to play in years,” Hux said. “And I’d be rusty even if I got hold of one.”

 

“I never had the patience to learn an instrument as a child,” Ren confessed, staring out at the fields now.

 

Hux considered their twined fingers. “It seems you’ve developed some patience as of late.”

 

Ren looked back at him and then down to their clasped hands as well, and then chuckled. “I suppose you’re right. Or at least I’ve learned how to be patient for what’s important.”

 

Hux’s heart skipped again and he really should’ve been getting annoyed with that sensation but he wasn’t. “Who knew you were so sappy.”

 

Clearly embarrassed now, Ren pulled his hand from Hux’s grasp. Then he stood from the bed entirely and Hux fought the urge to call him back. “I should go.”

 

As Hux watched Ren hurriedly pull his boots back on and strap them up, he felt a swell of guilt. There was no Sinaffec here to hide from these emotions but maybe they weren’t something Hux should be hiding from. Ren had been an asshole, yes. But did that mean he wasn’t allowed a chance to make amends? “Ren.”

 

Ren glanced at him, but warily. “Yeah?”

 

“I’m sorry I’m not what you want me to be.”

 

With a frown, Ren walked around the bed to the side Hux was sitting on, looking up at him. “Is that what you think?” Hux didn’t know what to say, especially when Ren leaned into his personal space and kissed him tentatively on the cheek before withdrawing. “You’re more than I ever dreamed of.” Hux’s face was promptly heating up with a blush from the brush of Ren’s lips against his skin. “Plus you’re cute when you blush.”

 

“Fuck off,” Hux grumbled, though there was no bite to the words.

 

Ren gave an exaggerated sigh. “If you insist,” he said, and did up the last few clasps of his boots.

 

When Ren was a few paces from the bed and on his way down the hill, Hux thought of something. “Hey wait, I thought you said you needed to hold my hand to keep me from waking up.”

 

Ren looked at Hux over his shoulder and smirked. “I lied.”

 

“You manipulative—!” Hux started to yell at him but it was too late. Ren was gone like a figure of black sand swept away by the breeze. Hux was left to sit on the bed alone and watch the passing clouds until the dream inevitably faded. Hux was still at war with himself when he woke up, confused by everything he was feeling and wanting. There was a small light flickering on his datapad to indicate a new message had been received, and in the darkness of his room Hux reached over to activate the screen. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and tried not to react when he saw the message was from Ren, even though there was no one in the room to see and judge him.

 

_KR: Thanks for indulging me._

 

So it hadn’t been a dream. Or at least _Ren_ hadn’t been a made up part of the dream.

 

_AH: You’re a manipulative bastard._

Immediately the symbol indicating the responding party was typing out a new message showed up on his screen. Hux allowed himself to imagine Ren then, curled up in some cramped bed aboard his shuttle, hunched over his datapad to message Hux. It was like they were connected, despite the vast physical distance between them.

 

_KR: I’m only so patient._

 

Those words felt to Hux like a warning, but not a threat; more of an admission of weakness than anything else. Right now, Hux tried to avoid imagining what it would be like when Ren returned if his patience had worn thin by then and Hux continued to rebuff him. Would Ren revert back to the constant headache he had been to Hux and try to be rid of him for good? Hux supposed he would have to wait and see. He certainly wasn’t going to make any decisions now while everything was still muddled in his head, and when Ren wasn’t even here.

 

_AH: Sounds like a personal problem._

 

Hux had to wait longer this time for a response.

 

_KR: I suppose it is._

 

As soon as that message was delivered successfully, Hux’s datapad screen updated to indicate Ren was no longer actively using his device. Hux felt a little sick, though it was hard to explain why. He wanted Ren to lay off with all of this soul mate nonsense and leave Hux alone to do his work and prove himself to be a capable general for the First Order and Snoke. Yet clearly some part of Hux didn’t want that at all. It wanted to explore the feel of electricity against his skin from Ren’s energy, and the fact that Ren could evoke strong enough emotions in him to bend the restraints of Sinaffec. It wanted Hux to give in, to _feel_ and _seek_ and _take_.

 

Hux set the datapad aside and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m losing it,” he admitted to the silence of his room.

 

#

 

Hux suspected Ren was angry with him, but Hux still expected to hear from him. After all, Ren had been the definition of relentless, whether he was trying to drive Hux insane or woo him over. So when a few days of silence turned into a week, Hux started to experience a gnawing concern. It started as a fleeting thought about what Ren was busy with and when he would return; easily brushed aside and ignored. Then it slowly but steadily built into a genuine worry that Ren had either gotten himself killed – which was likely considering how Ren threw himself into battle without any obvious strategy – or, more likely, had gotten fed up enough with Hux that he decided to never speak with Hux again.

 

How would Hux explain to the Supreme Leader if Ren refused to work with Hux, or the tension between them impacted their work? Hux couldn't stomach being demoted. His father would never let him forget it. With this thought in mind, after one week of silence from Ren since their shared dream, Hux sent Ren a message through his official channel as a general.

 

_AH: Status report overdue. Please provide presently._

 

He checked for any response or even an indication that Ren had checked his device periodically throughout the day and ended up disappointed. “Mitaka.”

 

“Sir?” the man glanced over at him from his console.

 

“Are we certain that there were no other surveillance drones that might’ve picked up a sight of Ren?” Hux asked.

 

Mitaka looked uncertain, like he was worried he didn’t have the right answer. “We already checked.”

 

“I know.” Hux himself had spent a few hours going through all of the footage available. After Ren’s attack on the Resistance fighters, he had boarded his shuttle and taken off to another part of the planet. Hux didn’t know where the man was going and assumed Ren must’ve divined information about the secondary Resistance force from one of his enemies before killing him. Hux had been able to track Ren’s movements to another section of the planet where his shuttle touched down again. Ren had walked out and paused at the base of the loading ramp as it receded back into the shuttle. The surveillance drone that had been hovering nearby glitched and then died entirely, and that was the last Hux had seen of Ren. “I’m just wondering if we might’ve missed something.”

 

“I can go through the footage again,” Mitaka offered. It was their only option; the signals from Ren’s shuttle had remained dormant since Ren deboarded.

 

“Once you’re done inputting the flight plans I gave you for the upcoming attack on that Resistance camp, Lieutenant,” Hux forced himself to say, knowing he couldn’t put everything else on hold because Ren went rogue and it was agitating him.

 

“Not a problem,” Mitaka said and then turned back to his work. Hux felt a brief wave of gratitude for having such a handy lieutenant.

 

Later that night Hux got a message from Mitaka that he had scoured all the remaining footage available from the other surveillance drones on the dockyard planet with no success. Hux couldn’t blame the man; it was clear Ren intended to remain hidden. He had thanked Mitaka and then switched his datapad from his General profile to his private channel for private, personal correspondence. Ren’s last message to him sat on the screen, with no indication that Ren had viewed the conversation window since then.

 

Hux took a deep breath in and out, deciding if he was willing to betray the fact that he was getting worried enough to consider sending Ren a private message. After a long moment he decided he was.

 

_AH: When you’re done sulking can you confirm you’re not dead?_

 

No response, no notice that Ren’s device was active and Hux’s message had been received. Hux set it aside with a huff and then grappled uselessly for sleep.

 

Another week passed without even a hint of Ren’s presence. Hux was in a conference with Snoke in the holodeck, finishing his description of the successes of the raid he had planned and initialized midweek. He then began to explain the next raid he had planned, as well as the planets he wished to attack once the _Finalizer_ arrived and allowed for the transportation of larger groups of Stormtroopers over greater distances.

 

Silence rang in the holodeck when Hux was finished as he awaited Snoke’s approval or suggestions regarding his proposal. Snoke considered him, and then said, “You seem troubled, General.”

 

“Supreme Leader?” Hux questioned hesitantly, trying to figure out where he had slipped up. He had kept his face expressionless and his voice professional and even.

 

Snoke made a steeple of his long thin fingers. “You are restless. Have you grown weary of your post?”

 

“No, Supreme Leader, of course not,” Hux rushed to insist. “I find my new position very stimulating and rewarding and strive to do the best job I can do daily.” Snoke said nothing, waiting for an explanation. Hux realized that lying would only hurt him and his career. “I have simply been attempting to contact Ren for a status update without success.” The fact that Hux hadn’t had a peaceful night of sleep since his shared dream with Ren was not spoken aloud.

 

“You are concerned about him?” Snoke wondered, prodded.

 

Hux swallowed. “He is a valuable asset to the First Order,” was all he was willing to admit, especially to Snoke.

 

There was another beat of silence and then Snoke straightened in his throne. “Rest easy, General. Kylo Ren is alive and occupied with a side mission I gave to him when the Resistance forces were dealt with on the planet.”

 

“Oh.” Relief swept through his body like a calming wave and Hux felt his shoulders relax. “Good then.” Of course Snoke would have known if Ren had been injured or killed; they were connected through the Force, weren’t they? Surely Snoke would inform Hux if Ren had died and would never be returning.

 

“If that is all…”

 

“Yes,” Hux bowed, and the transmission cut out.

 

After his shift that night Hux went to the gym, ate dinner, showered and then crawled into bed. He reached for his datapad on the nightstand, as had become habit, and felt a twist of nerves in his stomach when he saw that for the first time in weeks, Ren had recently activated his own datapad and checked his messages. He still hadn’t sent Hux a return message though.

 

_AH: I can see that you’re checking your messages and not responding._

 

Hux waited for a while but there was no indication that Ren had activated his datapad again. Eventually Hux gave up, turning off the lights and setting his datapad aside. He was half asleep, less restless now that he at least knew Ren wasn’t dead, when his datapad lit up to notify him of a new message. Squinting at the light in the darkness, Hux sat up in bed and powered the screen back on.

 

_KR: You asked Snoke about me._

_AH: In a way._

_KR: Were you worried about me?_

_AH: You’re a valuable asset to the First Order._

 

_KR: Were you worried about me as more than the killing machine everyone else sees me as?_

Hux hesitated, and debated internally. Was he willing to confess? What would change, and how, if he did? The screen confirmed that Ren’s datapad was still active, Ren waiting for him.

 

_AH: Yes._

 

He didn’t have to wait long for a response.

 

_KR: Sounds like a personal problem._

 

Ouch. So that’s what Hux’s words had felt like to Ren, two weeks ago. A slap in the face that left behind a lingering sting of rejection. Hux glanced at the darkened doorframe of his refresher, considering the Sinaffec pills. He had been off them for two weeks now though, and he didn’t want to be more dependent on them than he had to be. Hux had been too difficult, rejected Ren one too many times, and now Ren had changed his mind and Hux would need to deal with the consequences. Unless Hux wanted to be on Sinaffec for the rest of his life – which he _refused_ to let happen – one or two doses wouldn’t save Hux from having to deal with this result eventually.

 

So Hux looked away from where the Sinaffec was kept in his cupboard and back to his datapad. He considered saying sorry but knew it didn’t matter; it wouldn’t change anything. Hux logged out of his personal account entirely and set the datapad aside, enveloped again in the darkness of his room. Hux told himself it was better this way, that he had pushed Ren away and not let himself get any more invested than he had already become.

 

It stung, yes. It had been…nice, being wanted and pursued. And the rejection was compounded onto Hux’s near-certainty that he just wasn’t built for romantic relationships considering the fact that he had never managed to not screw one up the rare times someone showed an interest in him. _It’s better this way_ , he told himself again, assuring himself. _You’ll be a better general if you don’t have attachments. Your enemies will have nothing to hurt you with._ This time when Hux repeated the mantra in his head it wasn’t as comforting as it used to be, but it would have to be enough.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Let's just say... I think you're all going to be very happy XD

Hux was in a detailed conversation with Phasma when Hux got a ping on the handheld device in his pocket for messages. Hux apologized for pausing the conversation and checked the message from Mitaka. “Anything urgent?” Phasma asked when Hux read the message twice before putting the device away again.

 

“Apparently Ren is inbound and scheduled to land in a few minutes,” Hux informed her. “His shuttle is escorting the completed _Finalizer_ since it is only being flown by a skeleton crew for delivery.”

 

Phasma reached for her helmet where she had set it on the table when she and Hux had sat to go over some maps for the next planet they were targeting. “Shall we resume this conversation later then?”

 

“No,” Hux said, and saw the way Phasma hesitated before putting her helmet back down.

 

Hux had realized almost immediately that while Phasma didn’t say much, she noticed a lot. She was smart and intuitive and Hux knew her next question was pointed. “Would you not like to see Ren and the ship?”

 

“The builders already requested an hour for the small crew to do any final cleaning after the trip before I do a formal inspection and tour,” Hux explained, turning back to the maps set out in front of them. He ignored Phasma’s mention of Ren, and she didn’t press the issue.

 

Ren was the last person Hux wanted to see. It had been a month since Ren had crowded Hux against the gym wall and called them soul mates, and since Ren had evoked emotions in Hux strong enough to fight the Sinaffec. It had been three weeks since they had shared a dream and Ren had held Hux’s hand and kissed his cheek. And it had been one week since Ren rejected Hux’s confession of feeling… _something_ towards the knight. Hux hadn’t deserved anything else; he hadn’t exactly treated Ren well.

 

Hux wouldn’t let the issues with Ren negatively impact his concentration or dedication to producing good work. But that didn’t mean he was in any rush to see Ren again, especially when his helmet was off. It would be painful seeing Ren look at him with hate or at least disinterest in his eyes, when a month ago they had been filled with a passionate fire.

 

Phasma let Hux change the topic back to strategy and the planning of how they would position the squads of Stormtroopers that would be sent. They spoke privately in the meeting room until he got a ping with another message a little over an hour later, also from Mitaka. It mentioned that the temporary crew of the _Finalizer_ were finished their preparation and were awaiting dismissal, and that the ship was ready for Hux’s inspection. Mitaka said he was on his way to the meeting room nearest the hangar bay where Hux could meet him.

 

Hux wrapped up the conversation with Phasma and then they parted ways, Hux heading in the direction of the meeting room Mitaka had indicated in his message. Hux was confused when he didn't find his lieutenant waiting for him in the hallway considering the fact that there was no real need to linger before they continued on to inspect Hux's new ship. Regardless, Hux wasn't interested in standing idle in the hallway and risking Ren walking by so he pushed open the meeting room door and froze in his tracks when he entered and the door closed behind him.

 

The overhead lights were set to the dimmest level without being completely off, leaving the room shadowed except for the strip of light on the floor slipping through the window in the door. Mitaka was facing the door and Hux, held in place by Ren who stood behind the smaller man in his full battle attire except for his missing helmet. The first three buttons of Mitaka's uniform shirt had been undone and Ren had the fabric pulled aside with a gloved hand to allow easy access for his lips to explore bared skin. Mitaka was trembling, eyes wide with fright.

 

"What is the meaning of this?" Hux hissed, though he couldn't make himself approach. Hux couldn't help but take in every awful detail: Ren holding Mitaka close enough that they were chest to back; one of Ren's hands possessively on Mitaka's hip, the other still holding the shirt collar at bay; Ren's dark, predatory eyes which flashed when Ren lifted his face but remained close to Mitaka's skin.

 

"None of your concern, General." Ren's smile was taunting until he dipped his head back down to brush his teeth against Mitaka's skin.

 

"Back to your post, Mitaka," Hux ordered with a hard stare and stern tone. It seemed to be what Mitaka needed to pull away from the knight who terrified him so completely. "I'm sure the temporary crew will be glad to be dismissed once you clean yourself up," Hux added as Mitaka drew level with him.

 

"I'm sorry, sir," Mitaka whimpered, wide eyes trained on Hux for some hint of how he was feeling behind his blank mask. "I didn't—"

 

" _Go_ ," Hux demanded, and Mitaka went. Hux's gaze never left Ren's face.

 

Ren leaned back against the meeting room table, lazy and relaxed. "You spoil all the fun."

 

Hux's hands curled into fists at his sides. He was at the centre of an emotional cyclone, buffeted so strongly by each emotion that it felt like a challenge to stay on his feet. Anger, lust, _jealousy_... "I would thank you to _not_ terrorise my staff," he said with shaken restraint.

 

"I wiped his memory of what I did as soon as he was out of the room," Ren said nonchalantly. Then Ren looked Hux over from head to toe and smirked at him as he pushed away from the table to stand. He approached Hux at a saunter. "You seem flushed, General. Are you feeling alright?"

 

Ren's hand reached up towards Hux's face and Hux slapped it away. "Why are you doing this?" Hux remembered the promise he made to himself when Ren strangled him in the command hub – how long ago that felt now: someday he would kill this man and make Ren suffer for what he had done.

 

"To prove a point," Ren answered. He looked quite flushed himself in the dim lighting. "I'm trying to make you finally pick a side and stop sitting on the fence. So tell me," Ren considered him. "Do you want me or don't you?"

 

Hux did; _of course_ he did. Hux's heart and head wouldn't be in such turmoil at the sight of Ren embracing another – _pursuing_ someone other than Hux – if he didn't want Ren. The thing was that Hux couldn't exactly explain _why_ he wanted Ren and that scared him. Was this mere lust which would burn bright and then fizzle out? Or was it that Hux was caught up in the web of some whimsical fantasy that would lift him higher than he had ever felt only to drop him harshly when the dream inevitably faded? Considering Hux's bad track records with romantic relationships, it was hard to even hope that this could be a positive and sustainable change in his life – and how would he fare when it all crumbled at his feet?

 

"I don't know."

 

He winced when Ren lost control of his anger and a set of chairs flew away to slam against the meeting room walls. The chairs came nowhere near him. However, witnessing Ren's power firsthand, and feeling the discharge of Ren's energy like static against his skin, was startling. Before Ren had calmed himself, he rounded on Hux. "I could describe a war situation and you could rattle off the perfect strategy for a flawless, decisive victory. Yet you can't answer this question," Ren fumed. "You've forgotten how to feel, Hux, if you even knew how to in the first place."

 

They stared at each other for a long, heavy moment. Hux said nothing, because Ren was looking for an answer that he didn't have. Realizing this, Ren released an aggravated sigh and snatched his helmet from the table, shoving it on before sweeping out of the room. Hux remained rooted in place, staring at the darkened and empty room. Hux had a job to do; he knew that. He had to complete the formal inspection of the _Finalizer_ and complete a whole mountain of paperwork regarding the new ship.

 

Hux knew this, but that didn't mean he could make his feet move. He didn't trust his face to remain stoic, or his voice from cracking. Hux sat in one of the chairs lined up around the table that hadn’t been thrown by Ren and put his face in his hands, taking deep breaths and willing away the confusing jumble of thoughts and feelings welling up inside him. Damn Ren for having an effect on Hux and pushing that advantage, demanding something Hux wasn’t sure he could – or knew how to give. The worst part was that even though their confrontation was over, Hux couldn’t stop remembering Ren’s lips on Mitaka’s skin with bitter jealousy, nor stop himself from wondering what Ren was doing now. Had Ren finally given up? Did Hux _want_ Ren to give up on him?

 

“Kriff,” Hux cursed to himself in the quiet room and forced himself to stand. Sitting here ruminating in the dark wasn’t going to solve anything; it would only make things worse. The best thing for Hux to do now was to get back into the busy, distracting routine of work.

 

The tour of the _Finalizer_ took well over an hour, lengthened by Hux’s occasional questions or comments regarding certain details he felt should be re-evaluated or changed entirely. Mitaka had shown up to accompany him and take notes while Hux completed the tour but Hux had sent him away for some other task. Mitaka looked at Hux like it was a normal, ordinary day – his memory wiped of his brief encounter with Ren. Hux, however, was less fortunate and remembered it with enough detail that he couldn’t stomach any reminders while he was focusing on work.

 

Although Hux had been eagerly anticipating the delivery of his new flagship, it felt like a relief when his tour was finally done and he could return to his rooms. It had been exhausting pretending like nothing was wrong and that he was as unflappable as always. All of Hux’s energy had been spent on keeping his expression and behaviour neutral and unconcerned. When he was back in his rooms it wasn’t even that late, nor had he eaten dinner, but Hux walked straight to his bed and fell into it, uniform boots and all.

 

However, there was no escape from what Hux was feeling and struggling to contain, and the innocence of his normal dreams abandoned Hux that night. He dreamt that he was in that same darkened meeting room as earlier in the day, though without any recollection of how he had gotten there. Hux’s front was facing the door and Ren was holding him in place against his chest. One of Ren’s hands had a vice grip on Hux’s hip and his other hand was wrapped around Hux’s cock, which was hanging out of his pants, stroking it languidly.

 

Hux was panting with pleasure, arching so that his back was pressed against Ren’s strong body while his hips jutted forward to seek more friction from Ren’s hand. “Let me move away from the door,” Hux begged, not wanting this to stop but wanting to avoid anyone walking in on them and seeing this accidentally.

 

“No,” Ren refused, and swiped his thumb across Hux’s slit to collect precome.

 

“Someone could see,” Hux reasoned and then moaned when Ren twisted his grip. “ _Please_.”

 

Ren pressed his lips to the sensitive skin of Hux’s neck, just below his ear. “Why are you ashamed of this?”

 

“We shouldn’t—” it was hard to breathe. “ _I_ shouldn’t—”

 

“Shouldn’t what?” Ren cut him off. “Shouldn’t care? Shouldn’t feel?” Hux would’ve shaken his head but he didn’t want to accidentally knock Ren away from his skin. Despite Ren’s words, his hand ceaselessly worked and Hux was finding it difficult to focus on more than the building pressure of his oncoming climax.

 

“I need to be a good general,” Hux argued, but weakly. He cried out when Ren stroked him tightly enough that it almost hurt, Hux rising onto his toes with the pleasure that lingered after the pain.

 

“You’re already the best,” Ren stated matter-of-factly. His lips traveled upward to the edge of Hux’s jaw. “And embracing your emotions will make you infinitely stronger than apathy ever could.”

 

Hux was teetering on the brink of orgasm but he couldn’t finish even though Ren’s hand and lips and body were perfectly manipulating him. There was an ache for something – a _need_ that he couldn’t identify or put into words. He tilted his face to the side slightly, closer to Ren’s own uncovered face. And although Hux didn’t know what he needed, Ren did. He spun Hux around quick enough that Hux nearly lost his balance, but Ren caught him and held him even closer than before with an arm looped around Hux’s lower back. Ren’s other hand returned to Hux’s cock and stroked at the same time as Ren sealed his lips over Hux’s own and Hux found release with a broken cry into Ren’s mouth.

 

Ren kissed him through his orgasm, hand spreading Hux’s come across his twitching length. Hux’s hips rocked forward as he shuddered with pleasure, kissing Ren back like the world was going to end and nothing else mattered. Soon enough the friction of Ren’s hand was too much for Hux’s sensitized skin and he whimpered until Ren’s hand withdrew. He wouldn’t let Ren go though, and Hux wrapped his arms around Ren’s neck, took a desperate breath, and then kissed Ren deeper.

 

It felt so good to be kissing Ren, to give in to the desires Hux had been fighting. Not to mention the rush of contentment Hux felt with the way Ren was holding him so tightly. As the dream slipped and faded away, Hux woke with an undeniable sense of longing. He lay under his sheets for a few moments, remembering the details of the dream. Hux wasn’t as bothered as he usually would be by the sensation of his underwear clinging to him, wet and sticky with the proof of his enjoyment.

 

Then a thought struck him: _had that been real?_ And anger conflicted with hope. Had Ren snuck into his dreams to take what Hux would unwillingly give consciously? Did it matter that Hux was relieved Ren hadn’t moved on, when it meant getting invaded in such a way when his mind was vulnerable?

 

“Bastard,” Hux spat and got out of bed, changing into a clean uniform in record time and walking out into the hallway. He stormed down the halls until he reached Ren’s door and slammed his hand against it in an aggressive knock. There was no one else in the hallway to observe him but still Hux wouldn’t allow himself to call through the door when Ren didn’t answer. Hux knocked again, hard enough that his knuckles ached, and then he contacted the command hub.

 

“How can I help, General?” one of the techs responded to his call.

 

“I need you to locate Ren,” Hux said as calmly as he could manage.

 

“One moment.” Hux heard the tech keying something into their computer. “Lord Ren just finished a conference with the Supreme Leader in Holodeck C ten minutes ago.”

 

Hux wondered if ten minutes was enough time for Ren to get back to his room and get into the ‘meditative state’ he said was necessary to enter Hux’s dream. “He’s not answering his door.”

 

A few more keys were tapped. “His door scanner hasn’t shown activity for hours, General,” the tech informed him. “Though it looks like he accessed the control panel of his shuttle three minutes ago.”

 

 _Ren was leaving_.

 

The idea hit him like lightning and there was no doubt in Hux’s mind. “Tell him he’s not authorized to fly.”

 

“Sir?”

 

As if an order from a tech would stop someone like Ren. “Nevermind,” he said, and terminated the comm.

 

Hux was already walking as quickly as he’d allow himself, and then faster still when there was no one to observe or question him. He made it to the hangar bay in a rush and headed in the direction where Ren’s shuttle had its dedicated landing and storage area. It was still there, but Hux could hear the telltale whirring noise of it beginning to power on. Hux gave up on acting proper and ran, reaching the shuttle before the engines were powered up enough to cause harm. He pressed his thumb to the scanner, anticipating that as the base’s general he would be able to override any passcodes, but found out he was mistaken.

 

_Access denied._

 

Hux wanted to rip the access panel off the ship and crush it under the heel of his boot but knew that wouldn’t solve anything. Instead he jammed his thumb against the intercom button, not relenting until he heard a _click_ and the primary entrance ramp began lowering for him. Hux walked aboard and told himself to not feel anxious when the ramp rose and locked behind him. He had never been on Ren’s shuttle before and he found it both dark and utilitarian in design, so different from the typical First Order layouts that he wasn’t sure which direction to go.

 

After a minute of searching, Hux found the cockpit and Ren in the pilot seat. Ren was fully dressed in his cloak and armour, even wearing his gloves and helmet despite being the only one on the shuttle. Ren didn’t turn in his seat to look at Hux though it was obvious that he knew Hux was there. “What are you doing on my ship, General?” Ren questioned, voice hushed through the helmet.

 

“The better question is what were you doing in my dream?” Hux demanded, speaking before he lost his nerve or thought too deeply about why he was so determined to push this issue.

 

Ren’s chuckle sounded like static. “Dreaming of me?” Hux didn’t respond. At last Ren turned in his seat to regard him. “I wasn’t in your dream. I was in conference with the Supreme Leader.”

 

“After the conference,” Hux pressed.

 

“I came here,” Ren said. He lifted a hand to indicate the control panel.

 

At this point there was no reason to turn and run with his tail between his legs; Hux had already made a fool of himself and revealed more than he had intended. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to care. Hux may be stubborn but his dream had made him realize that fighting what it was he was feeling for Ren was impacting his energies and abilities to act professionally. He didn’t know if kissing Ren – the _real_ Ren – would feel like it did in the dream but he was determined to find out. And, if Ren hadn’t given up on him yet, Hux wanted to see where that kiss might lead them.

 

“You can’t leave,” Hux stated firmly, shoulders squared and expression serious.

 

Ren released a full laugh this time, and it was deep and warm. “Is that so? My order to leave comes from the Supreme Leader. Do you presume to override that order?”

 

Hux took a step closer. “Yes.”

 

Ren stood from his seat, facing him. “You have gall, for a coward.”

 

Hux bristled but didn’t rise to the taunt. “I know what I want now.”

 

After a frozen moment Ren reached up and removed his helmet, setting it on the pilot seat behind him. Hux almost wished Ren hadn’t taken the helmet off; his eyes were scornful. “Yes, I can feel lust lingering on your skin,” Ren observed. It wasn’t as unnerving as Hux had expected it to be when Ren read him so easily. Ren huffed, annoyed by whatever he was sensing. “Well it’s not that easy. If you want me to fuck you then I want you to say it. Let the mighty general stoop to his baser desires.”

 

Hux wet his lips. Ren’s eyes followed the movement. “I want you to kiss me.”

 

Ren blinked and then frowned, face clouded with confusion due to his miscalculation that Hux’s lust was only physical in nature. “You—?”

 

“Yes,” Hux confirmed. “Will you make me say it twice?”

 

Ren approached him. While before he had been angry and aggressive, now his movements were guarded and tentative. Hux leaned in when Ren’s hand reached up to cup his jaw and the curve of his face, Ren’s thumb a welcome weight against Hux’s cheek. Their bodies were close but not as close as Hux wanted. He wanted Ren’s arm looped around his waist like that was where it was meant to be. He wanted Ren’s full lips on his own narrower ones, tasting and taking. Perhaps his want was strong enough for Ren to pick up on it, because a moment later Ren was reeling him in closer still, arm holding the curve of Hux’s back.

 

“Say it again.”

 

Hux would’ve been annoyed except Ren’s request was shy and hopeful rather than mocking. “I want you to kiss m—”

 

And Ren kissed him, too eager even to let Hux finish the sentence. Hux had expected to maybe feel a spark of some kind when their lips touched, considering the way Ren’s energy felt like static against his skin and the whimsical romantic notions of holo-videos he heard the other officers discuss over dinner. Instead what Hux felt was a sense of calm satisfaction and completeness that could only be experienced when you found two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. And silently, as Ren’s lips pressed and then locked with Hux’s own, Hux decided that this was infinitely better than what he had anticipated.

 

As he had in his dream, Hux wrapped his arms around Ren’s shoulders and pulled him closer. Ren squeezed Hux’s waist in return, his other hand sliding from Hux’s jaw to holding the back of his neck. The kiss started off as tentative as Ren’s approach had been, both of them a little scared that this wasn’t real or would be taken from them now that they finally had it. But when Hux tilted his face slightly, Ren took the hint and kissed Hux deeper, both of them moaning into it.

 

They quickly found a rhythm to snatch stolen gasps of air between kisses and as their bodies and lips pressed more harshly together, the kiss picked up its pace. Soon enough Ren’s tongue was brushing Hux’s bottom lip, seeking entry which Hux gladly gave, and Ren was beginning to walk Hux backwards until his back found the wall of the cabin. Their hips aligned and Hux groaned as Ren thrust an obvious erection against him.

 

Ren’s lips broke away from Hux’s only to seal over the sensitive skin of Hux’s neck instead. Ren’s hips continued to rut against him, both hands now on Hux’s hips, and Hux arched into it. “Do you want this too?” Ren asked, needlessly in Hux’s opinion.

 

“Obviously,” Hux said, wishing Ren wasn’t wasting his lips on asking stupid questions.

 

Ren slid a hand from Hux’s hip to the front of his pants to palm him, and then frowned. “You aren’t hard.”

 

Hux blushed slightly. “I just came a few minutes ago from my dream; I need time.”

 

He watched Ren’s eyes darken with lust and knew it wouldn’t take him as long as normal to recover and get it up again, even if he couldn’t come again so soon. Ren pressed his forehead against Hux’s own and Hux felt another consciousness brush against his mind, one that he somehow recognized as distinctly Ren. “Show me.” Ren’s voice was rough. Though Hux didn’t really know what he was doing, he focused on that presence on the periphery of his awareness and then pulled up the memory of his dream. He tried to amplify each minute detail, especially the moment when Ren kissed him and Hux spilled in his hand. “Kriff that’s hot.”

 

“You could see that?” Hux asked to clarify.

 

Ren leaned back enough that their foreheads were no longer touching. The presence of Ren’s consciousness retreated and faded from Hux’s awareness and Hux wasn’t sure he liked the feeling of emptiness left in its wake. “I could feel it too; feel _you_.” Ren ground his erection against Hux again, breath uneven for a moment. “Please tell me that you want me to do more than just kiss you.”

 

“Definitely,” Hux agreed. “But not here. It would look odd that we spent so long on your shuttle together.” Ren was giving him a searching look. “I’m not ashamed of my choice,” Hux assured him. “But I’d still appreciate some discretion.”

 

“I don’t have a condom or lube here anyway,” Ren sighed. Ren stole a quick kiss, hard enough that Hux lost his breath, and then pulled away to grab and refasten his helmet. “My cloak should cover me while we walk. Your room, or mine?”

 

“Whichever’s closer,” Hux said, and they left the shuttle together.

 

It was hard to not feel like two giddy teenagers sneaking away to fool around for the first time. Admittedly it had been a while since Hux had had relations with another person, and he had the excited nerves to prove it. Ren seemed just as eager, judging by the way he ripped off his helmet and pinned Hux to the wall as soon as they were in Hux’s room, starting to grind against him like an animal in heat. “I’ve wanted you,” Ren confessed brokenly as his lips found Hux’s again, and Hux held him close and kissed him back.

 

A part of him felt guilty for fighting this for so long and making Ren suffer because of it, but there was no sense in regretting the past. Instead Hux wanted to focus on proving to Ren that he had made his decision and was going to stick with it, even though the concept of soul mates was still a little difficult to wrap his head around. “You have me,” he promised Ren when they broke apart to catch their breath.

 

Ren’s fingers started to pull and tug at the clasps and zippers of Hux’s uniform and Hux mimicked the actions as he began to peel away Ren’s layers as well. “I want to make you feel so good.”

 

“You will,” Hux said, and then amended himself. “You do.” They continued to claw away at one another’s clothing. By the time Ren had Hux out of his shirt and undershirt, and his pants unbuttoned, Ren still looked fully dressed. “Do you really need so many kriffing layers on?”

 

Ren laughed and before Hux could prepare himself, Ren grabbed his ass and lifted Hux from the floor. Hux had no choice but to clutch at Ren’s shoulders and wind his legs around Ren’s hips for stability, even though deep down he knew Ren would never drop him. If he was being honest, a part of Hux just wanted to hold himself closer against Ren, aroused by the strength the other man possessed. Hux certainly wasn’t as bulky as Ren but he wasn’t tiny either; yet Ren lifted him with ease and carried him over to the bed. He could imagine Ren using that strength to hold Hux down as he fucked him and Hux felt his cock begin to stir in his half-done up pants.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Ren smirked as he pulled back after dumping Hux on the bed.

 

Hux watched Ren pulling away the layers of his outfit with practiced fingers, leaving heaps of heavy black fabric strewn across Hux’s floor. “You can still hear my thoughts?”

 

Ren shook his head. “Only vague concepts when you’re projecting with enough focus; not full thoughts. Though, the fact that we can accomplish something like that is already impressive.” 

 

Hux was going to ask more but as Ren’s skin was being revealed Hux found his mouth going dry. The moles decorating Ren’s face was an ongoing theme across his arms and chest, reminding Hux of constellations scattered across the sky when you looked up from a planet’s surface. Hux had known ever since they were in the gym that Ren was built, but seeing the muscles flexing in his arms and torso was an entirely different experience. Ren’s legs were the same, and his swollen erection had Hux sitting up on the edge of the bed and reaching out.

 

“You don’t have to,” Ren mumbled when Hux’s hand closed around the base of him, but he didn’t pull away or otherwise protest.

 

Their eyes met and Hux felt a rush of something warm and powerful. “I want to,” he said and then ducked his head down to take Ren into his mouth.

 

If the throbbing erection wasn’t enough to confirm Ren’s interest, the fact that Hux could already taste salty precome at the slit of Ren’s cock assured him. Ren’s fingers slid into Hux’s short hair, which was already free of gel from when Hux had gone to bed earlier. Hux moaned and took more of Ren’s cock into his mouth, stretching his lips as the pulsing flesh rested on his tongue. He could feel the minute thrusts caused by the instinctive twitching of Ren’s hips at the pleasure, but Ren let Hux lead the pace except for occasionally tightening his grip on Hux’s hair.

 

Ren’s skin was smooth and warm when Hux rested his free hand on Ren’s hip. He really was a beautiful man; Hux couldn’t deny this. It was just that he sometimes drove Hux insane with his behaviour and attitudes. Feeling Ren’s cock in his mouth as his body trembled with pleasure beneath Hux’s mouth was satisfying and heady, and Hux groaned in complaint when Ren used the grip in his hair to pull Hux’s mouth away.

 

“I can’t last if you keep that up,” Ren admitted and then nudged Hux back into a horizontal position on the bed. “I need to be inside you.” Hux didn’t protest when Ren’s fingers found the waistband of his pants and slid them and his underwear down his legs and off. Ren’s gaze lingered long enough that Hux cleared his throat, snapping Ren out of whatever daze he was in. “Where’s your lube?”

 

“Bedside drawer,” Hux answered and then debated with himself for a second. “Don’t bother with the condom.”

 

Ren paused and glanced back at him. “Are you sure?”

 

Hux moved himself to the middle of the bed as he considered Ren critically. “Are you clean?”

 

There was no lie in Ren’s eyes. “Yes.”

 

“Then I’m sure.”

 

Ren left the condom packets but kept hold of the lube as he nudged the drawer closed and crawled onto the bed. The lube was set aside near Hux’s elbow and Ren leaned over Hux to catch his lips. Despite the heat and lust between them, the kiss was tender and unhurried. Hux melted into it, wondering idly why he had fought this for so long. Ren had been so certain, right from the start, but Hux had ignored everything drawing him to the knight.

 

The kiss broke and Hux opened his eyes to look up at Ren, who said, “You’re distracted.” He looked hurt.

 

Hux brushed his hand up the length of Ren’s arm from his wrist to his shoulder in what Hux hoped was a reassuring manner. “I was thinking…” Hux paused, trying to find the right wording. “Ren, how did you know? About this. How were you so certain?”

 

Understanding passed over Ren’s face. “It’s easier to be certain when you can feel the soul bond. You can’t, because you’re not Force sensitive. But as soon as I felt it I knew.”

 

“Our souls are bonded?” Hux wondered aloud.

 

“They’re primed to be,” Ren explained. “They recognize the other and the closer we become – physically and emotionally – the faster and stronger the souls will bond.” Hesitantly Ren leaned down and kissed the corner of Hux’s lips. “I can also tell that our bond will be exceptionally strong since, despite not being Force sensitive, you could project your dream to me easily. Speaking of which…”

 

Hux gave a little gasp when Ren reached a hand down to stroke him slowly from base to tip and back down. It had been long enough now since the dream that Hux’s body responded quickly to the heated friction of Ren’s hand, twitching and swelling at the attention. Hux lifted his hips to seek more and moaned when Ren’s thumb massaged the underside of his tip. “Ren…”

 

Ren kissed Hux lightly, chastely. “Will you call me Kylo, in private?” he requested. The thought of using Ren’s first name made the whole encounter feel more intimate, and Hux found himself not minding at all. He nodded, and moaned again when Ren stroked him tightly in appreciation before pulling away to grab the lube. “I can call you Armitage if you’d prefer,” he offered while pouring lube over his first two fingers.

 

“Don’t you kriffing dare,” Hux said. “I hate that name.”

 

“Hux it is, then,” Ren gave a lopsided smile and settled himself between Hux’s legs, brushing one finger against Hux’s hole before pushing in.

 

It had been a while but the first finger didn’t hurt, didn’t even sting. Ren’s fingers were long but not particularly thick, and his intrusion was eased with the lube turning the push into a glide. Realizing this, Ren almost immediately started working in a second finger, which required a little more patience until Hux’s body eased up and stretched open. It still felt a little bizarre to Hux, his knees bent and spread apart with Ren between them. With Ren it had always been a constant power struggle and now to willingly be so vulnerable was a big change, but with the way Ren was curling his fingers Hux couldn’t bring himself to complain. Besides, when Hux glanced down he saw that Ren’s cock was still hard and weeping, admitting his own wants and weaknesses.

 

The third finger hurt, causing Hux to hiss and tense up. Ren pressed his lips to Hux’s trembling knee to kiss it and wrapped his free hand around Hux’s cock, bringing it back to full hardness with a few skilled strokes. Hux had to bat Ren’s hand away from his erection by the time all three fingers were inside his hole, knowing he would finish too soon if he continued getting subjected to the double stimulation. Ren took another minute ensuring Hux was stretched open and slick, and then grabbed more lube to spread over his own cock.

 

Ren had his cock in hand and hovered by Hux’s ass, hesitating. “I don’t think I can survive you changing your mind again.”

 

“I won’t,” Hux promised, and spread his legs a little wider in invitation.

 

Ren growled and lined up the head of his cock against Hux’s hole, grinding there for a moment until just the head slipped inside. Hux whined at the sensation of being stretched and focused on not tensing up as he felt Ren slowly sink deeper into him until Ren’s hips were flush with Hux’s ass. It really was like they were two puzzle pieces designed to fit together, and Hux barely required any adjustment time before he was demanding that Ren start moving.

 

Ren only managed a few shaky thrusts before he withdrew fully from Hux’s body, running his fingers through his hair and cursing. “Don’t tell me _you_ changed your mind,” Hux tried to sound annoyed but knew he sounded a bit worried.

 

Ren shook his head and leaned forward over Hux, kissing him in a way that expelled any concerns from Hux’s mind. After the kiss Ren sat back on his heels, blushing noticeably. “I don’t want to finish too soon.”

 

The fact that Hux affected Ren so intensely was more of a turn on than Hux would’ve expected, but the admittance also had something warm swelling in his chest. “If you do, you do,” he said. True, he didn’t want this ending quickly, but there were other ways Hux could get off if need be, and Hux knew that a part of him would relish in seeing Ren overwhelmed with pleasure despite his best efforts. “Just fuck me already.”

 

Hux’s breath hitched on a moan when Ren slid back inside him immediately, Hux already stretched and accommodating for Ren’s girth. Ren took a few shuddering breaths when he was fully sheathed again, and then began a steady rhythm. Hux angled his hips, adjusting slightly until Ren’s next thrust brushed his prostate and Hux groaned at the sensation. Ren’s hands held Hux’s hips at the same angle as he started to rut against Hux more forcefully, seeking to hit that spot repeatedly. The way it built pleasure in Hux’s gut was consuming and he clenched his eyes closed, panting and trying to hang on to his own self-control.

 

The first touch of Ren’s hand moving from Hux’s hip to encircling his cock had Hux gasping, his eyes flashing open again. “ _Kylo_ ,” he mumbled the name, unfamiliar but feeling right in this intimate moment.

 

Ren seemed to like it too, judging by the way his hips stuttered forward and Hux’s name spilled from his lips like a reflex. Ren had to pause in his thrusting for another moment, no doubt to regain control of himself to avoid tipping over the edge into his orgasm, yet only accomplishing to tease Hux and unintentionally driving Hux to a neediness he didn’t know was in his genes. “Kriff, you can’t do that again,” Ren warned, eyes dark as he looked down at Hux’s face.

 

Hux arched his back slightly, knowing Ren was taking in every detail, and then moaned as breathy as he could manage, “ _Kylo_.”

 

Ren’s hips twitched forward again and he must’ve been close enough that he knew it couldn’t be salvaged because Ren gave in and fucked Hux hard and fast enough that Hux struggled to breathe. Distantly the thought came to Hux that he was going to be sore when he had to start his shift, but it was fleeting and quickly dismissed. After a few frenzied thrusts Ren cried out brokenly and Hux felt the spill of heat deep inside himself. The sensation was new but not unwelcome, and Hux brushed his fingers along Ren’s arms which were tense from holding up his weight while Ren worked through his orgasm.

 

As Ren crested his release, Hux heard thoughts not his own flitting through his mind: _good; hot; seed; claiming; mine; love this; love him; mate_.

 

It was a little overwhelming, not only hearing Ren’s frayed stream of consciousness but also realizing that Ren was thinking such heavy, powerful concepts about the two of them. He wondered if Ren knew Hux was getting these snippets but didn’t want to bring it up right then and potentially ruin the moment. Hux could feel the way Ren’s length twitched inside him even after he was spent, and he felt oddly bereft when Ren pulled out, especially when Ren’s thoughts faded away from his awareness.

 

“That wasn’t how I planned that,” Ren huffed, eyes jumping between Hux’s face and his still-swollen cock.

 

_Couldn’t last; didn’t try hard enough; should’ve done better._

 

“Hey,” Hux reached a hand up to cup Ren’s face, derailing Ren’s train of self-deprecating thoughts. Ren’s stream of consciousness halted and then faded again, Ren’s attention solely on Hux’s eyes and words. “It was good, and it’s not over.” As he said this he moved his hand to Ren’s own, and then led it to his erection. Taking the hint, Ren gripped Hux and started to stroke him tightly from base to tip and back down. Hux settled back against the pillows and lifted his hips into the friction, eyes half-lidded now as he watched Ren work.

 

After a minute Hux suspected Ren was reading his mind because every time Ren did something with his hand that felt particularly good, Ren seemed to catch on and repeat the movement over and over. “There’s no barrier between us right now,” Ren answered Hux’s silent suspicion. “Anything you feel strongly is being projected.”

 

“I guess it works to my benefit,” Hux tried to laugh, but it came out more as a few shaky breaths when Ren’s thumb teased his slit over and over. _Stop teasing!_ He thought silently, refusing to beg aloud.

 

Ren chuckled and the sound had Hux shivering even as his hips continued to buck up into whatever friction and pressure Ren would give him. “I haven’t forgotten the dream you showed me, Hux,” Ren said quietly. His hand never stopped working Hux’s cock but it wasn’t offering enough to do more than drive Hux crazy in a plateau of pleasure that swelled and calmed like waves on a shore. “And how much it turned you on to give up control to me.”

 

Ren’s thumb massaged the vein running the underside of Hux’s cock and then started to stroke him again. Ren was clearly regaining confidence after finishing sooner than he planned, and Hux was going to lose it if Ren teased him for much longer. “Not now, Kylo—” _please_. Hux bit his lip.

 

“I want to hear it.” Ren was smirking and his hand was moving but it wasn’t tight enough.

 

 _I need to come_ , Hux thought in his head.

 

“Out loud.” Ren tightened his grip temptingly and the muscles in Hux’s thighs flexed and twitched.

 

“Kylo, _please_ ,” Hux broke, and the words kept coming when Ren fisted Hux the way he needed. “That, _yes_ , kriff.”

 

Hux’s back bowed with his climax, pushing his cock up into Ren’s fist to be milked until Hux’s seed was splattered across his own stomach and Ren’s fingers. He sighed as his body came down from its high, still needing time to recover. Ren left the bed to wash his hands in Hux’s refresher and returned with a cloth wetted with warm water. Hux took it when offered and cleaned up his stomach and between his legs despite his lethargy. It was as he was handing the cloth back to Ren to dispose of that Hux’s stomach rumbled, reminding Hux that he had gone to sleep without dinner.

 

Whether the rumble was audible or the pang of hunger was accidentally projected to Ren, Hux didn’t know. But then Ren was insisting on leaving to get Hux food and Hux couldn’t be bothered to get dressed again so he gave a grunt of agreement and curled up in bed. He dozed until Ren returned with a tray filled with bread and a steaming bowl of stew, which he set on the bedside table closest to Hux.

 

“I should’ve sent a droid,” Hux said, wondering what people would think if they had caught sight of Ren carrying a tray of food to his rooms.

 

More thoughts came from Ren, though they were muted and harder to make out now. _Worry; defiance; mate_.

 

“If you’re still worried that I’m unsure or ashamed, stop,” Hux stated, trying to interpret the muffled jumble of feelings not his own. “I just don’t like being the topic of gossip or people prying. I had enough of that at the Academy.”

 

He sat on the side of the bed, blanket pulled over his lap for some form of modesty, and then grabbed the tray to start eating. Ren sat beside him after removing his many layers of clothing again, and traced circles across the skin of Hux’s thigh and knee. “When you killed that boy?”

 

“And other times, being my father’s son with people trying to find an in,” Hux shrugged. The food tasted amazing even though Hux knew it was just from the kitchens. Though he didn’t say anything aloud, Hux could tell Ren picked up on his appreciation when Ren’s lips curled upward at the corners. Talking about the Academy reminded Hux of when Ren had confronted him in the command hub. “You were wrong by the way.”

 

“About what?” Ren asked. His finger had paused its tracing but started up again when Hux didn’t push him away.

 

“When you challenged me in the command centre you said they shoved Sinaffec down my throat to stop my anger,” Hux remembered. He paused to take another gulp of soup and could tell Ren was hanging on his words. “It wasn’t anger, or even regret,” Hux said, glancing over at Ren. “It was because I was proud of what I had done and it scared the shit out of them.”

 

Ren considered this and Hux was surprised at the emotion he felt echoing back, still increasingly muted as time passed after they both recovered from their orgasms but enough for Hux to identify: _lust_.

 

“I remember feeling you give up for just a moment when I was attacking you,” Ren spoke slowly, voice haunted. “And then you changing your mind and fighting back. I realized then that I wanted you alive and well, even if your emotions were muddling my own.”

 

Their eyes met. Ren kissed him, soft and warm, and Hux kissed him back. “Will you stay tonight?” Hux asked when their lips parted. He thought about the fact that Ren had been about to leave on orders from the Supreme Leader when Hux had found him.

 

“If you’ll have me,” Ren answered.

 

“But you’ll leave in the morning,” Hux knew. Orders were orders.

 

“Not without saying goodbye,” Ren promised and kissed him again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: An hour ago I got a rejection letter from a publisher and I'm feeling pretty blue, so if anyone is willing to take an extra minute to leave a comment after reading this chapter, it would mean a ton to me <3 No pressure of course. I just know I need a reminder that even if the publisher didn't like my work there are still readers out there who do.

True to his word, Ren gently shook Hux awake early in the morning. When Hux glanced at the clock he realized he had a little over one hour before his alarm went off to prepare for his shift. They had fallen asleep curled up together in bed after Hux had eaten, but already Ren was out of bed and fully dressed except for his helmet and gloves. Hux was unaccustomed to sharing a bed and these other intimate gestures, yet the thought of Ren leaving on a mission for an unknown length of time was extremely displeasing.

 

“What were Snoke’s orders?” Hux asked as he sat up in bed with the blankets pooling around his waist. _Why do you have to leave?_ Was the other question he wouldn’t voice.

 

Hux noticed that he was no longer receiving any feedback from Ren regarding his thoughts or feelings; likely the barrier that had momentarily disappeared when they were so intimately connected had returned overnight. Though Hux also remembered Ren explaining that it was likely they would be able to communicate mentally to some extent as their bond grew, so Hux supposed it was just a matter of time and… fostering.

 

“There has been word of a map that leads to the whereabouts of Luke Skywalker,” Ren told him. He sat on the edge of the bed with a bit of space between himself and Hux. “The Supreme Leader told me to investigate.”

 

“The old Jedi?” Hux clarified. “I thought he was a legend, or dead.”

 

“He is neither.” Ren rested a hand on the mattress between them. When Hux got tired of Ren not closing the space between them, he reached over and rested his own hand on top of Ren’s. Ren sighed. “I need to find him and kill him before he raises a new Jedi Order and hinders your ambitions.”

 

“Snoke’s ambitions,” Hux corrected carefully. Ren was speaking dangerously. Of course Hux strived for more, always aiming higher. He was a leader, not a follower, and settling in as Snoke’s puppet for the rest of his days wasn’t in the plan. But while Hux eventually wanted to end up as leader of the First Order, that was a long way off and it would take many years of patience and planning to execute each move without getting executed himself.

 

Ren leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Emperor Hux.”

 

Hux pushed Ren away with both hands, fuming. “You’ll get us both killed,” he hissed. “Besides, I thought your allegiance was to Snoke.”

 

“It is,” Ren agreed. “As long as his aims align with yours and you are safe.”

 

“You’d cast aside everything you worked for? You’ve spent years in training under Snoke,” Hux reasoned. He didn’t even want to have this conversation, to entertain this lofty notion that he knew was currently out of his grasp.

 

“To learn and to grow stronger,” Ren pointed out. “There is still more he can teach me but I have become stronger than he realizes.” Hux gave him an intrigued look and Ren elaborated. “Meeting you has changed a lot. The fluctuation of your emotions was distracting but finding the other half of my soul bond has given me strength. I was temporarily weakened when you blocked out your emotions with Sinaffec because I couldn’t sense you, whereas now after last night I feel our bond solidifying and grounding me.”

 

“And you think this will continue?” Hux was curious, and also pleased to know that his… mate, who was already so strong to begin with, was still gaining strength.

 

“I anticipate it as our bond grows,” Ren said. “I am hiding it from Snoke – which is also something I wouldn’t have been capable of before – because I don’t want him to know that I have been able to sneak into his mind and see his thoughts laid bare.”

 

Hux didn’t know how much information Ren would give him but he figured it was worth the question. “What did you find out?”

 

Ren caught Hux’s hand and laced their fingers together on the mattress. “I will not tell you everything now. The less you know the easier it will be for you to hide your thoughts if Snoke ever seeks to enter your mind. I will be able to shield your mind as the bond strengthens but that will take time to learn.” Ren squeezed his hand. “What I will say is that I discovered Snoke sees me as a mere pawn on his chessboard, a weapon to be disposed of when no longer useful. I am not blind or stupid. I will continue to serve while it benefits us but when it doesn’t…”

 

Hux licked his lips. He was still wary about all of this, but after he felt their souls beginning to bond when they were entwined last night, and felt the feedback from Ren, it was impossible for Hux to deny his certainty in their bond and Ren’s commitment. It was bizarre in how right it all felt. “We forge our own path,” Hux finished Ren’s sentiment.

 

Ren kissed him in agreement and then stood from the bed fully, tugging on his gloves. “Get more sleep. I’ll return when I can.”

 

When Ren’s helmet was in place he left the room and Hux lay back in bed. Hux knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep before he had to get up for his shift, but the sheets still smelled faintly of Ren and closing his eyes felt good. Hux found that his body was lethargic and sore from his first coupling with Ren, as he had suspected, but he couldn’t bring himself to mind. Not when the release had felt like that, and it had finally opened his eyes to the full extent of what their bond could someday become.

 

Hux had learned to be alone, especially after his mother had passed away. His father wouldn’t tolerate any hint of attachments that could cause dependency or weakness. Hux had learned to handle everything on his own, pushing his way through the bad times and motivating himself towards achieving his goals. Hux would never be able to shuck his independence; it was buried too deep in his genes and upbringing. However, he wasn’t opposed to the idea of having someone who would always be in his corner fighting alongside him.

 

 _Be careful_ , Hux thought when he felt a sudden rush of anxiety grip him at the thought of Ren getting himself killed and never coming back for them to even explore this fully.

 

A presence he now recognized as undeniably _Ren_ brushed against Hux’s mind like a caress. _Rest._

 

And maybe there was some influence behind that suggestion because an hour later Hux was waking up to his alarm, disoriented but rested, and when he checked the ship logs Ren was already gone.

 

#

 

After that everything started to speed up. Hux’s weapon was nearing completion in being built and then rigorous testing would begin to ensure that nothing was amiss and that everything was functioning at full capacity. The majority of Hux’s waking hours were taken up by this: overseeing, re-checking, preparing. He barely slept and when he did, he was too restless to dream. There was too much to do and Hux was determined to avoid anything going awry. Luckily now that he and Ren had resolved the tension and strife between them, Hux’s emotions were settling back into their calm normalcy and becoming manageable again, allowing Hux to do his job without distraction.

 

Ren was gone for nearly a week and when he returned, he brought news that the map to Skywalker was on Jakku. Immediately upon his return Ren went into lengthy conference with Snoke and Hux sat down with Phasma to begin preparing a Stormtrooper force. When Hux was called into the holodeck alongside Ren and told he would accompany Ren in the _Finalizer_ to Jakku, Hux wasn’t surprised and confirmed a squadron was already set and ready to deploy. He recognized the importance of Ren tracking down Skywalker, and also the chance of there being resistance on Jakku.

 

Hux was dismissed first while Ren remained in the holodeck to continue whatever conversations he was having with Snoke. Hux went over the final details with Phasma over dinner in the officers' mess hall, one of the rare times he saw the captain without her helmet. Hux was just beginning to suggest that she stay behind at Starkiller to oversee but she quickly argued that she wanted to oversee the deployment of some of her newest troops who hadn’t seen action before. Knowing Phasma was also bored and interested in some action herself, and that Mitaka would be fine overseeing things during the short time they were away, Hux relented and authorized approval for her to join them on board the _Finalizer_.

 

Eventually it was late in the evening and Hux retired to his rooms to rest. They needed to take off as soon as possible but Ren was still with Snoke; had been in the holodeck for so long Hux began to wonder about when Ren last ate. Everything was prepared for departure so there was nothing to be done except wait until Ren and Snoke were finished, and Hux decided even if he couldn’t sleep he might as well rest his eyes.

 

Hux was in a muddled half-dozed state when he felt Ren’s presence brushing his mind again. _Hux_. The thought wasn’t a panicked or urgent one. Instead it was like a wistful sigh, filled with longing and warmth.

 

Hux tried to focus on Ren’s presence and where it was originating from, still horribly amateurish about how this all worked. _Come_ , he thought, offering up his sense of wanting.

 

Though he could sense when Ren’s presence withdrew from his mind, Hux was distinctly aware of the fact that as Ren approached, Hux could _feel_ him getting closer. There were no direct thoughts being transmitted to him but Hux could pick up on inclinations that did not originate from his own psyche and he was acutely in tune to the fact that Ren was pining for him. The concept seemed absurd and yet there was no reason to dispute it. And when Hux knew that Ren had been missing him while they were apart, Hux was willing to loosen the control he kept over his own emotions and admit that maybe he had missed Ren too.

 

The ability to sense Ren and what he was feeling became so clear to Hux that he walked to the door of his room and opened it seconds before Ren had reached it to knock. Ren lowered his hand slowly, his face hidden by the helmet but his surprise still evident in his posture. Hux waved Ren in and closed the door behind them, watching when Ren quickly removed his helmet and set it aside.

 

“You sensed me,” Ren surmised.

 

Hux nodded. “I did. But only for the last few minutes.”

 

“It’s understandable,” Ren said. “There was significant physical distance between us the last week, and while I was in conference with Snoke I was masking our bond. Regardless, you were able to hear me call out for you and you projected a response,” Ren was smiling now, and that smile was getting wider as he continued to speak. “That’s impressive for a new bond, especially when you’re not Force sensitive.”

 

“Why do you think that is?” Hux wondered. When he was younger he had always brushed the Force aside as something from legend and not worth significant thought. Now that it seemed to impact him and… his mate so completely, he wanted to understand it all.

 

“Partially it’s because we’re both powerful beings in our own right,” Ren’s smile was now a smirk. He stepped closer and Hux felt himself relax when Ren’s hands circled his waist. “Mostly though, it means that you’ve accepted the bond and are allowing it to grow.”

 

To Hux’s horror he felt himself blushing slightly. It wasn’t that Ren was wrong, but confirming that it was true felt like confessing something extremely personal. Then Hux remembered the things Ren had thought about him during his climax a week earlier and realized that this was a mutual relationship. “I suppose so,” Hux said at last, not denying it but still finding it difficult to voice those big words: bond, love, mate.

 

To his relief, Ren seemed more amused by this than put out. Hux accepted the kiss when Ren leaned in and caught his lips, holding him closer against Ren’s front. But when Ren lined their hips up at the same time as he deepened the kiss, Hux broke away and put some space between them. “We don’t have time,” he reasoned. It was only a matter of time until people realized holodeck C was no longer in use and wondered where Ren had disappeared to.

 

A growl resounded deep in Ren’s throat, but he conceded. “When we return.”

 

“Yes,” Hux agreed. He wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t want a repeat performance of their coupling. “But right now we need to go.”

 

Ren replaced his helmet on his head and left the room first, heading for the hangar bay where the _Finalizer_ was docked with supplies being stocked on board. Hux waited a few minutes and then exited his rooms as well, contacting Phasma with his comm and confirming she should begin boarding all of her chosen Troopers. The base was a flurry of action as everything was prepared for when the _Finalizer_ at last took off into space on a direct course for Jakku.

 

When they arrived a few hours later it was confirmed that Hux would remain on board on the bridge while Ren travelled to the planet’s surface in his shuttle, flanked by Phasma and her forces for backup. In the few minutes of privacy they had before Ren and the others departed for the surface, Hux explained to Ren that whether or not he needed backup wasn’t the issue; the First Order wanted to make a show of force and resources. Ren had relented then, and gave Hux a caress against his mind that Hux was beginning to associate with an affectionate ‘ _farewell_ ’.

 

On the bridge Hux received updates about what was happening on the surface almost instantaneously. He wasn’t surprised when the village where Ren was going ended up in flames, the villagers’ blood soaking the sand; it was part of the plan to put on a show of what even a small group of their forces could achieve. Yet Hux was confused when, despite everything on screen and Hux’s datapad indicating an obvious success, Hux felt a consuming wave of fury not his own crash over his head.

 

Long since familiar with compartmentalizing and controlling sudden or strong emotions, Hux set Ren’s anger aside as much as he was able before he accidentally took it out on one of his men. He continued to read over the updates as they came in and mentally tried to analyze what Ren was projecting. There was no pain, which was relieving for Hux, but he didn’t know what had Ren so frustrated that he was projecting all the way beyond the atmosphere.

 

The fury reduced to an angry smoulder, blending in with a building determination as Hux got notice that Ren had reboarded his shuttle and was returning to the _Finalizer_ with Phasma and her Troopers wiping away the last of the village before returning themselves. By the time Hux reached the main hangar bay he found that Ren’s shuttle was already landed and vacant. Ren must’ve picked up on Hux’s search for him because Hux received a sudden thought in his head: _interrogation room 8._

 

Before Hux even reached the interrogation room door, he heard a scream of agony echoing down the hallway. There was still no distress emanating from Ren though, so Hux leaned against the wall beside the door and waited. Listening to the result of Ren interrogating another person was exhilarating rather than terrifying since Hux knew that Ren was on his side, and that he wouldn’t be subjected to that sort of experience. Ren’s power was attractive; always had been, but now Hux was allowing himself to acknowledge the way it made him feel a bit hot under the collar.

 

After a while the screams died off and then Ren exited the room. Before the doors slid closed again Hux got a brief glance at the man strapped to the interrogation chair, slumped and unconscious. “It’s in the droid; a BB unit.”

 

Hux didn’t need to ask what “it” was; he had guessed that the map was gone when he felt Ren’s anger. However, he _did_ need to remind Ren to be a little more forthcoming about other details. “Any description beyond that? And who’s the guy in the chair?”

 

It was impossible to read Ren’s face with his helmet on, but Hux picked up on the agitation in the tenseness of Ren’s shoulders. “Orange and white,” Ren answered. “And Poe Dameron, one of the Resistance’s most skilled pilots. I will try to obtain more information about the Resistance from him when he wakes but for now I must meet with the Supreme Leader.”

 

“Well if the BB unit and the map are on Jakku then we’ll soon have it,” Hux stated, already making mental plans to contact Phasma and get as many Stormtroopers as possible into TIE fighters to search the planet’s surface in its entirety.

 

He had hoped his assurance would soothe Ren but the knight was still plagued with frustration and a building anxiety, likely at the thought of reporting failure to Snoke. “I leave that to you,” Ren responded brusquely.

 

Ren turned to leave and Hux caught his forearm, stilling him. “Ren,” he started to speak and then faltered. He wasn’t good at this sort of thing at the best of times, and he didn’t want to say something out of place and have someone overhear them. Instead Hux focused on their bond, which he realized had become a constant presence in the back of his mind when his proximity was close enough to Ren, and tried to project what he was feeling: _concern, determination, want._

 

Hux physically saw Ren take a deep breath in and heard the rushed exhale of air through the helmet. _I will come to you_ , Ren sent to Hux, much more skilled than Hux was at sending words rather than just ideas. Then Ren was pulling away from Hux’s grasp and Hux let him, knowing they both had a job to do.

 

#

 

Once Phasma and her troops returned, she and Hux went over the details of the Jakku attack and then Hux spoke to her about starting a planet-wide search for the orange and white BB unit droid. Phasma, still in her battle armour, immediately took the datapad Hux offered her with the Stormtrooper registry and created multiple search teams with assignments to different TIE fighters. Between Hux and Phasma they had a planned search path and rotation for each team and within twenty minutes Phasma was excusing herself to pass along the assignments.

 

With nothing else to do for the moment, Hux grabbed a quick meal and then returned to his rooms. He stripped down and stepped into the shower, indulging in a longer one than necessary to feel the hot water loosen his tense muscles. Hux knew he couldn’t feel Ren because he was masking the bond again while speaking to Snoke, but he was really starting to dislike the sensation of an empty void at the back of his mind where the bond was. Strategically it was helpful to be able to sense Ren’s location, mood and condition, and personally being able to feel Ren was like always having a companion nearby to call upon.

 

It was as Hux lingered on this thought that he heard the refresher’s door open. He turned around quickly and was only mildly surprised when Ren was standing there. Ren was already out of his helmet, gloves and boots, but the rest of his cloak and armour remained in place. “Staring is rude, you know. As is breaking and entering.”

 

Ren’s lips quirked upward. “Hard to refrain. And I doubt you mind.”

 

“I’d rather you hurry up and get in here,” Hux tried to sound impatient but wasn’t sure how successful he was. He noticed that he still wasn’t getting any feedback from Ren. Hux frowned. “I can’t feel you.”

 

“I was curious to see if you’d notice the absence and comment on it,” Ren admitted.

 

Before Hux could say anything else, Ren dropped whatever barrier he had erected around the bond and it was as if floodgates had been opened. Hux had anticipated Ren’s ongoing anger and anxiety but all he felt from Ren was _lust, mate, claiming, desire._ Hux didn’t even need to touch himself for his cock to begin to swell, Ren’s lust fuelling his own. Ren noticed Hux’s erection which sparked another flame of arousal and they ended up in a feedback loop of lust so intense that Hux had to reach down and stroke himself just to take the edge off.

 

“Just get in here already,” Hux snapped, voice thick and rough.

 

Ren disrobed faster than Hux thought possible and then he was crowding into the shower beside Hux. Ren reached down to knock Hux’s hand away and stroke him, and when Hux cried out at the sensation Ren’s lips were there to swallow the noise down greedily. Hux took hold of Ren’s cock in his own hand and stroked in return, taking pleasure in the way Ren’s hips bucked forward as the knight shuddered.

 

Hux had been hoping to feel Ren inside him again but knew neither of them would last that long. They both lacked the staying power, especially when they were still caught up in this overwhelming feedback loop of arousal. Hux didn’t complain when his front was pressed against the wet shower tiles and Ren slotted his body in behind him. Ren fisted Hux with one hand and rutted his own cock between Hux’s ass cheeks for friction; all Hux needed to do was brace them both against the wall and try to stop his knees from giving out.

 

This time Hux finished first, his broken moan echoing in the shower as he painted Ren’s palm white. Hux suspected his orgasm rushed through the bond and into Ren because Hux had barely crested when he felt Ren’s hips stutter before a hot sticky substance was spilling over his skin. They both shook through the aftermath of their orgasms, Ren with both arms around Hux’s middle to hold them tightly together. Hux rested his forehead against the tile and hummed when Ren teased the skin of his neck and shoulders with open-mouthed kisses.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Ren whispered, barely audible above the shower’s spray.

 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Hux chuckled tiredly. He knew the genuine affection that had started to bloom in his chest for Ren would reverberate through the bond but he didn’t try to hold it back.

 

He received another kiss to the back of his neck in response. “You need sleep.”

 

“We both do,” Hux pointed out. They lingered under the hot spray for another few minutes, partially so they could wash off but mostly just for the enjoyment, and then they separated to get out of the shower and into bed. Hux set his comm piece and datapad on the bedside table in case any alerts came through about the search on Jakku for the droid and then dimmed the lighting to full darkness.

 

He hadn’t even realized he was on the verge of sleep until he had already submerged and resurfaced in the familiar meadow he knew so well. It was like the other time Ren had entered his dream, though this time Ren was already seated in bed beside Hux and overlooking the fields rather than walking towards him. “I remember this place,” Ren spoke in a hushed tone as though he didn’t want to disturb anything.

 

“My mother brought me here for picnics when I was young,” Hux offered without prompting. “She would tell me stories and jokes and let me play. She never cared about grass or dirt stains. It was a respite from my father’s rules.” Hux glanced over and saw that Ren was watching him intently. “When she died my father said spreading ashes was too sentimental so I brought her out here alone and released her ashes into the breeze.”

 

Ren rested a hand on Hux’s leg. “I’m sorry.”

 

Hux shrugged but didn’t push Ren’s touch away. “People die, Kylo. It wasn’t your fault.”

 

When Ren reached for Hux’s hand to lace their fingers together, Hux let him. “I’m sorry for your pain, and that you had to deal with it alone.”

 

“I never really dealt with it at all…” Hux confessed, remembering the tears he had struggled to hold back and his father shoving a bottle of Sinaffec into his hands. To Hux’s horror he felt the burn of tears at the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried, even in anger. But with Ren’s fingers twined with his own, surrounded by a warm breeze and sighing meadows, it felt safe enough to let himself cry the tears for his mother that were long overdue. They were quiet tears and slowed within minutes, but it felt good to release a weight Hux felt like he had been carrying with him since the day he got news about his mother’s passing.

 

As he brushed the tears away on his sleeve, Ren touched Hux’s jaw and turned his face into a chaste kiss. “Thank you for trusting me with this,” Ren whispered when their lips separated.

 

“You’re welcome,” Hux said, and the dream faded.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've done my best to thank you all individually for your wonderfully kind and supportive messages, but I wanted to take a minute to say another big THANK YOU! To those who took the time to comment on my last chapter and encourage me after the publisher rejection. To those who review other chapters, or every chapter, or other stories of mine I have posted. Truly it is your love and interest that keeps me motivated. 
> 
> For those interested in my original work, know that I will hopefully be making some available soon. I self-published a collection of short stories a few years ago which I took down, but I plan to self-publish it again under my pen name either late 2017 or early 2018. Also, I will research and submit my new stories to other publishers and if I keep getting rejections I'll just self-publish another collection haha. Either way, I'm ready to get my original work out there and I hope you'll enjoy it when it arrives!
> 
> If you're looking for information and updates about all of my writing (original and fanfiction) the best place to go is my Tumblr which is linked at the end of the story. 
> 
> Thanks again, I love you all <3

Hux was on the bridge checking over Phasma’s reports from the attack on Jakku the night before when he got a ping on his comm, indicating an incoming message from Ren. “What is it?” Hux asked curtly. Regardless of whatever he and Ren did in their spare time, Hux was still the general of the First Order and he was going to behave accordingly.

 

“The pilot is missing from the interrogation room,” Ren seethed into the earpiece.

 

Hux frowned. “How?”

 

“I don’t know but he must’ve had help to get out of those restraints,” Ren said. “He is not Force sensitive to do it on his own.”

 

“We’ll begin a search,” Hux confirmed and ended the transmission. He turned to Mitaka and one of the officers that reported to him. “The Resistance prisoner is missing. I want an immediate search started in every quadrant of this ship and for Phasma to be contacted to account for every Trooper and find out who’s missing.” To the younger officer he added, “Pull up the log for every TIE fighter and ship on board and ensure they’re all accounted for.”

 

Before either of them could even verbally acknowledge his orders, the entire bridge fell silent as a vibration shuddered through the floors. An instant later there were alarm signals coming through on the screens from the primary hangar bay warning of an unauthorized TIE fighter in flight and fire, confirming that the vibrations had likely been from some form of explosion. “Seal the hangar doors and get whoever’s on shift at the observation deck on the comms,” Hux demanded.

 

“No one is responding from the observation deck,” one of the officers informed him.

 

“Sensors show the fighter has just passed through the hangar doors, sir,” another added.

 

“I want as many fighters in flight and pursuit as possible within the next thirty seconds,” Hux ordered as he walked over to the bank of computers dedicated to weapons’ control. “Lock on to that ship and bring it down. Start powering up the cannons.”

 

Officers at various stations kept calling out information – location of the unauthorized TIE fighter, status of various weapons including the ones damaged, power percentage of the cannons – but Hux’s attention was diverted when Ren entered the bridge. “General Hux, is it the resistance pilot?” he asked.

 

“Yes, but he had help from one of our own,” Hux confirmed what Ren had told him a few minutes earlier. “We’re checking the registers now to identify which Stormtrooper it was.”

 

“The one from the village,” Ren said quietly. “FN-2187.”

 

Hux sent Ren a puzzled look, wondering how Ren knew the Trooper responsible, but turned away again when he got word that the cannons were at full power. “Fire!”

 

When Hux turned back he saw that Ren was gone, but Hux didn’t have time to question it in the moment. “Confirmed hit,” someone said.

 

“Was the ship destroyed?” Hux asked quickly.

 

“Disabled,” he was told. “On a collision course with Jakku.”

 

Whether or not the occupants inside the ship survived the trip through Jakku’s atmosphere and impact with the planet’s surface was a gamble, but Hux wouldn’t take any more risks. “Keep track of the trajectory to confirm location of impact and send ships down to search the remains.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

Hux gazed out the observation windows set into the front of the bridge. All he could see with the angle of the _Finalizer_ was space and one small section of the planet below, though the atmosphere and distance obscured any details. For a brief moment Hux wondered where Ren had gone and then focused fully on everything he would need to do within the next few hours: meet with Phasma to determine the traitor, confirm if anyone survived the crash on the planet, begin assessing damage to the ship for repairs, continue the search for the droid and the map to Skywalker…

 

Hux pinched the bridge of his nose. It was going to be a long day.

 

#

 

The situation aboard the _Finalizer_ was tense, to say the least. Hux had gotten news from First Order sympathizers on Jakku that the BB unit droid had escaped the planet’s surface in a freighter accompanied with an unknown man and woman. While Snoke had ordered that their primary goal was to stop the droid and the map from reaching the Resistance even if it meant destroying both, Ren had later expressed his insistence that they capture the droid unharmed.

 

It had led to a strained conversation between himself and Ren on the bridge about the situation, made worse by the fact that Hux felt like there was something he didn’t know about Ren’s motivations but couldn’t ask in public. Only after his shift ended when they were together in Hux’s room did Hux get a chance to demand answers. “Why does it matter so damn much that the droid and the map be unharmed?”

 

“I need to find Skywalker and kill him,” Ren insisted, stripped down to a pair of loose-fitting black pants and a shirt but still pacing and not even attempting to relax.

 

“You know it’s better that we avoid the Resistance finding him,” Hux pointed out. The whole reason they were after Skywalker in the first place was to avoid him getting in contact with the Resistance and starting a new order of Jedi. “I’m sure there will be other ways for you to track him down with time.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Ren snapped.

 

“ _Enough_ ,” Hux shot back, patience wearing thin. “It’s bad enough feeling you hide things from me through the bond. I’m not going to let you snarl at me because something isn’t going your way.”

 

Ren rounded on Hux with a glare. “You think that’s what I’m doing, having a tantrum?”

 

“You won’t tell me anything else,” Hux said. “What do you expect me to think?”

 

He saw Ren’s ungloved hands balling into fists at his sides, clenching and unclenching for a few seconds before Ren released a heavy breath and turned away. One of his hands skimmed through his hair, pushing it away from his face. “You can feel that through the bond?”

 

“Is _that_ what you heard from everything I’ve been telling you the last few minutes?” Hux said with an exasperated sigh. “Yes, Kylo, I can feel when you’re intentionally withholding something from me and to make it entirely clear: I don’t like it.”

 

Ren seemed lost in his own thoughts, eyes on the floor. “I never expected… You shouldn’t be able to sense that when you’re not Force sensitive…”

 

“You’re the one who said you wanted this bond fostered and all that bullshit.” Hux crossed his arms in front of his chest, his words sharpened by a feeling of being unwanted after hearing Ren’s musings.

 

That sour feeling of being rejected must’ve passed through the bond because in an instant Ren snapped out of whatever mood he was in and stepped into Hux’s personal space. One of Ren’s hands rested on Hux’s hip and his other hand rose to Hux’s cheek, though Hux turned away from it. Undeterred, Ren stated firmly, “You, and this bond, are the opposite of unwanted. I’m just shocked that it’s strengthening as much as it is and how quickly.” When Hux felt Ren’s adoration enveloping him like a hug, he turned his cheek back into Ren’s palm. “I’m not good at any of this, Hux,” Ren whispered sadly. “I’ve learned to isolate myself since I was young… From my family so they didn’t see the Dark in me, and now from Snoke after learning his intentions for me. It’s hard to trust.”

 

“Well try harder,” Hux murmured, not angrily but almost pleading. He had been alone his whole life as well, and it hurt to accept the openness that this bond provided only to feel Ren pulling away. Hux tried to send this thought to Ren and knew he had succeeded when Ren pressed their foreheads together.

 

“I will,” Ren promised and in the beat of silence between them, Hux felt as swell of courage not his own. “Hux, the reason I’m so determined to kill Skywalker is because he is a draw to the Light for me.”

 

Hux leaned back just enough for their eyes to meet. “Skywalker? Why?”

 

Ren licked his lips in trepidation. “He was my original Master… and my uncle.”

 

It only took a few seconds for everything to click into place, connections threading like a spider web across Hux’s brain. He placed both hands on Ren’s shoulders and pushed him back just enough to look him over fully. Ren was the same man, but the number of people he linked together was astounding for Hux to realize. The only son of Leia Organa and Han Solo, nephew to Luke Skywalker. “Well that… complicates things,” he said eventually.

 

“No, Hux, it doesn’t,” Ren insisted as he pushed back into Hux’s personal space. “I’ve already chosen the Dark side – and you. I left the life they tried to force upon me years ago.”

 

“But you feel a draw back to them,” Hux pointed out. Ren hesitated. “You said so yourself.”

 

“Which is why I have to kill them,” Ren said.

 

“All of them?” Hux asked. “Even your mother?”

 

“I will see her defeated,” Ren stated, frowning.

 

“She’s tenacious. What if defeating her means you have to kill her?” Hux questioned, and then pressed on when Ren didn’t respond. “What if _I_ kill her?” She was his greatest enemy as she led the Resistance with a firm and strategic hand. Would Hux need to make the choice between killing his opponent only to lose his… his _mate_?

 

“I am on your side,” Ren said.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes!”

 

Ren _was_ sure; Hux could feel the echo of it through the bond. Despite the draws to the Light his familial ties caused, Ren had chosen Hux and wouldn’t fail. Hux may need to be the one to kill Leia in the end, but Ren wouldn’t turn away from him even then. Hux didn’t dwell on how he would feel if he had to make that same choice if his mother was still alive.

 

They were both breathing hard, riled up from the argument. Hux took a breath and then slid his hands from Ren’s shoulders to loop around his neck and pull him close again. “We’ll see this all through to the end, Kylo. You and me.”

 

“You and me,” Ren agreed, and kissed Hux deeply.

 

#

 

Days passed. They waited for news about the BB unit and the map while they worked on repairs of damage to the _Finalizer_ and pushed forward on completing the final testing phase of Starkiller. The First Order had informants and sympathizers spread across the galaxies so it was only a matter of time and being patient until their prey was spotted. Ren’s patience always ran in short supply so he spent most of his time training, and the rest of his time meditating. Ren had explained to Hux that by meditating, he could tap into the Force and try to send his consciousness across far distances to track down specific life signatures. He was certain that the man accompanying the woman and the BB unit was the traitorous FN-2187 and was focusing on his signature.

 

While Hux couldn’t exactly call himself a skeptic about the Force anymore when he witnessed Ren’s abilities firsthand, he was still determined to continue his own search efforts until something turned up. Hux received a garbled message from one of the smuggler units under First Order control informing him that the droid they were searching for was with Han Solo on the Millennium Falcon. Unfortunately the transmission ended with gunfire and screams and by the time Hux got hold of the audio file, it was too late to track the Millennium Falcon’s flight course.

 

Telling Ren that his father was in possession of the droid was bad enough, and Hux was certain that his presence was the only thing that saved his room’s wall from being cut up by Ren’s saber. Telling Snoke the update was significantly worse. Hux had anticipated Snoke being upset and was prepared for that. What was so horrible about the conference was the fact that Ren had to cloak their bond from Snoke, and it felt to Hux like there was an empty void left in his chest during the entire experience.

 

The only good thing about the meeting with Snoke was that Hux was able to confirm the completion of the Starkiller weapon, and suggest they use it to attack the Republic and make the Resistance vulnerable. This clearly pleased Snoke and calmed him enough to sit back on his throne and end the thunderous roar of his yelling. But then Snoke was sending Hux away to oversee preparations and there was no excuse Hux could think of immediately for why he should stay standing by Ren’s side.

 

Hux felt a twinge of concern he wasn’t even sure Ren could feel with their bond muted. They turned slightly towards one another, Ren with his helmet on but their eyes seeking one another all the same. Then Hux forced himself to turn and walk out of the holodeck, leaving Ren alone to speak further with Snoke. There was nothing Hux could do to help – refusing to leave would only raise Snoke’s suspicions. Hux reminded himself that despite his faults, Ren was a capable Force wielder and warrior, and he had to trust Ren to do what he must to protect them both.

 

#

 

Hux stood on a dais in front of Stormtrooper legions, giving them his rallying speech about ending the Republic, and everything they would accomplish for the First Order and the future. The speech had been written and memorized but the sentiment came from deep within Hux’s chest. This was what he truly believed, and he was glad to see everything he had worked for finally coming to fruition. Starkiller was complete and charged with a star they had destroyed in passing before moving into a strategic alignment to target the planets Hux wanted to hit first. As soon as Hux finished speaking, he would give the order for the first shot.

 

Ren was stationed on the bridge of the _Finalizer_ with his own unobstructed view of space above the atmosphere of the planet-turned-weapon. Despite the distance between them, Hux felt his continued presence at the back of his mind, offering feelings of anticipation, approval and pride. Hux kept his face clear of any emotion while giving his speech, but internally there was his own glowing sun of excitement and pride at the centre of his chest.

 

His father and everyone at the Academy had told Hux that he was a failure and would never amount to anything if he didn’t wipe out his emotions. However, Ren had been the one that was correct when they spoke about it. While there was something to be said for having the skill to keep his emotions in check, embracing his emotions instead of spending all his energy fighting them had made Hux far stronger than apathy ever could. Without ambition and perseverance and a budding love for the man who was on his side undeniably, Hux wouldn’t have accomplished all that he had.

 

Feeling the energy emanating from the weapon when it was fired would’ve sent Hux rocking on his heels if he hadn’t been prepared and braced for it. Hux could feel his hair stand on end as he shivered, overwhelmed by the physical power of his weapon. He watched the red beam streak into the atmosphere and beyond, and though he would need to return to his computers for detailed readouts, Hux knew his weapon would bring the results he desired.

 

#

 

Hux knew his high from the firing of Starkiller couldn’t last forever, but he also hadn’t anticipated it lasting for such a short period of time. However, things seemed to be going from bad to worse when it came to the Resistance and Ren’s quest for the map to Skywalker.

 

Ren, with a legion of Stormtroopers behind him, flew to Takodana when another informant told the First Order about the sighting of their prey. Ren had returned, not with the BB unit but with a girl who quickly proved herself to be underestimated. While Ren scoured Starkiller Base for the scavenger girl, Hux was in the command centre giving orders to charge and aim Starkiller in the direction of the Elinium system where they had tracked the location of the Resistance.

 

On a private comm channel set up between Hux, Phasma and Ren, Phasma contacted them to offer more bad news. At gunpoint she had been forced to drop the shields around Starkiller Base by the former FN-2187 and Han Solo. The waves of anger Hux had been feeling rolling off Ren as he searched the base became laced with deep-rooted anxiety, and Hux did his best to send out a wave of reassurance. Hux trusted Ren to determine what needed to be done, and carry it out efficiently.

 

As Hux sent an order for squads of Stormtroopers to go to Phasma’s location and the reported location of Han Solo and the traitor, he got a ping on his private comm. He accepted it and heard Ren’s voice in his ear, breathing harsh and indicating that Ren was moving quickly. “I’m going to confront him.”

 

“I’ll go with you,” Hux stated firmly. He wasn’t sure where the sentiment had come from, but it felt like the right thing to offer. Hux could tell by Ren’s mounting dread which could be felt through the bond that this would not be an easy encounter; he didn’t want Ren to be alone when facing it.

 

“I need to do this myself,” Ren said. “And your men need you.”

 

“Ren—” Hux began to protest, certain he could rationalize Ren out of this decision, but then he felt Ren blocking off their bond from his side. It felt bizarre to not feel Ren’s presence in the back of his mind now that he had gotten so accustomed to it. Hux almost felt off balance, like a vital piece of himself was missing. He found he could reach out along the bond and confirm it was still there, but hit a barrier Ren had erected to avoid the transference of emotion.

 

Before Hux could press against the bond and determine if he could send his support through Ren’s barrier, he was distracted by one of his officers calling out, “Resistance fighters approaching!”

 

“Dispatch all squadrons!” Hux ordered, forcing himself to focus on the present situation. Ren was right; Hux had a job to do. And he had to trust Ren to do what was necessary.

 

Hux remained at his post in the command hub, alternating his gaze between the windows looking out on the snowy expanse of the planet and the various screens set up in the room to provide readouts of different information. He got a ping to notify him when Phasma had been recovered, but Hux’s focus was on assessing and providing new orders as the Resistance pilots targeted the vulnerable weapon. Hux had made sure that the outer shell of Starkiller was formidable, but the shields around the planet had been there for a reason and unless the First Order could shoot every Resistance pilot out of the sky, Hux knew the weapon and the planet itself would be lost. He could only hope that they got the weapon charged to fire one last shot before the Resistance took it down.

 

 _87% charged_ …

 

All at once Hux was overwhelmed with such a rush of emotional agony that his knees buckled. Hux gripped the side of one of the computer consoles to keep himself standing, but just barely. His mind and body was reeling, unable to comprehend the raw pain emitting from Ren through the bond which was now open fully. It was anger and disappointment, satisfaction and loss and uncertainty all tangled together. Then there was a sharp physical pain added to the mix and Hux’s next inhale hissed through his clenched teeth.

 

“Sir, are you alright?” Mitaka asked him but Hux waved him off, sending him back to his station.

 

At the forefront of his vision Hux could only see what Ren saw – kept seeing as he replayed the image over and over in his mind – Han Solo with Ren’s lightsaber through his chest, the look in his eyes, and then his body falling away into the core of the planet. Ren had killed his father and while Hux hoped in the long run that’s what Ren needed, Hux wasn’t so foolish to think the after-effects would be minor or short-lived.

 

 _Ren_ , Hux reached out to him through the bond.

 

Hux felt the flicker of acknowledgement in Ren’s mind but received no response in return. Ren had narrowed himself to single-minded focus, trying to block out the anguish and frustration he was experiencing. And his current target, which Hux could see through Ren’s eyes, was the scavenger girl and traitorous Stormtrooper as they ran out into the snow. Hux blinked and returned to his own vision just in time to see the Resistance fighters fly in for another assault and a cloud of fire and smoke billow up from Starkiller’s primary core.

 

Alarms started sounding and the planet trembled. Hux glanced over at the nearest screen.

 

_93% charged…_

_Weapon charge interrupted…_

_System critical error…_

 

He had been so close to destroying the Resistance, and yet it was slipping through his fingers like the smoke rising from the planet’s surface. But right now Hux knew he needed to accept this loss and concentrate on salvaging what he could so the First Order could regroup and come back to strike harder than ever before. Hux turned to Mitaka and gave the order, “Everyone is to evacuate to the _Finalizer_ immediately. The planet is lost.”

 

Mitaka frowned. “What about you?”

 

“I will speak with Snoke,” Hux said, “and then I’m going to get Ren. Now _go_!”

 

He trusted Mitaka to follow orders so Hux didn’t look back when he exited the command centre and made his way towards the holodeck nearest the hangar bay. Mitaka had sent out a hail to Snoke’s frequency for Hux so the Supreme Leader was already there when Hux rushed into the room to provide the update. “The fuel cells have ruptured,” Hux said, steadying himself when the planet shuddered again and more violently. Unnecessarily he added, “The collapse of the planet has begun.”

 

“Leave the base at once and come to me with Kylo Ren,” Snoke ordered. “It’s time to complete his training.”

 

Even though Hux knew the whole point of Ren being Snoke’s apprentice was to learn more and complete his training to become stronger, there was something about Snoke’s words that left Hux uneasy. Regardless, he wasn’t going to voice those concerns to Snoke directly, especially not with the planet literally crumbling beneath his feet, so he kept his mind as blank as possible, nodded his agreement, and exited the room for his own personal shuttle.

 

One small team of Stormtroopers was there waiting for his arrival. The rest of the base personnel appeared to be evacuated or in the process, the last few shuttles powering up and streaking out to the safety of the planet’s outer orbit where the _Finalizer_ awaited. Hux would normally pilot his own ship but with increasing frequency Hux found his vision kept blurring with what Ren was seeing, and he wouldn’t risk crashing and leaving both himself and Ren stranded to die on the planet.

 

Instead he let one of the Stormtroopers pilot and gave directions for where he should fly. Hux was finding it difficult pinpointing Ren’s location on the planet’s surface. The energy Starkiller had sucked in from the nearby star before getting damaged was leaking free, causing interference with the Force in ways that were beyond Hux’s understanding. Beyond that, Ren himself was a ball of angry and pained energy, unstable and disorienting.

 

Luckily as they got closer Hux found it was easier to lock in on Ren’s physical presence and he directed the piloting Stormtrooper with more confidence. Just as the shuttle touched down on the snowy ground, Hux felt another streak of blinding pain and then Ren’s presence through the bond turned weak and muted. Truly fearful now, Hux yanked his greatcoat tighter around his body and dashed out into the snow, following whatever trace of Ren he could pick up on through the bond. He didn’t wait for the two Troopers trying to keep up with him.

 

What he found had Hux stumbling and nearly falling to his knees in the snow but Hux forced himself to continue forward, knowing they had very little time. Ren was collapsed on the ground, his blood staining the snow around him. It was only the faint flicker of their bond that assured Hux that Ren wasn’t dead as he rushed forward because Ren wasn't moving; barely seemed to be breathing. Ren looked like a man truly defeated; not just physically but mentally as well.

 

“Ren!” Hux shouted above the noise of the billowing wind as he drew close and knelt at Ren’s side. Ren didn’t respond and Hux shook his shoulder as demandingly as he dared, noticing a deep groove cut into Ren’s other shoulder. “Ren, wake up! You’re not allowed to die here like this,” Hux ordered, feeling a lump forming in his throat that made it hard to swallow when Ren remained unresponsive. It didn’t matter that the two Troopers had caught up and were now standing a few steps away, or that Hux heard the distant sound of another ship engine powering up. Hux bowed his head and whispered a choked plea into Ren’s ear, “Please don’t leave me.”

 

At the same time as Hux spoke these words he also reached out through their bond, grasping for some semblance of awareness and trying to draw Ren’s presence back into his mind. Hux felt a spark run through their bond and Ren groaned, his eyes finally sliding open. “Hux…”

 

“Thank the stars,” Hux said, brushing his fingers through Ren’s matted hair. He didn’t bother asking where Ren’s helmet was. “I thought I had lost you,” he admitted, though he knew now wasn’t the time for soft spoken words or declarations. “We have to go. Can you stand?”

 

Ren’s hand grasped Hux’s forearm and squeezed so tightly that Hux winced. “If I don’t make it—in my closet—for you...” Ren coughed up blood that spilled from the corner of his mouth and then he groaned, his eyes sliding closed again.

 

“You’re a fool if you think you can talk me into letting in my emotions again and _caring_ about you, and then die on me, Ren,” Hux snapped, though the sharpness of his voice was more fear than anger. Ren wasn’t responding again and Hux could feel their bond fraying at the seams. They were out of time so Hux looked over his shoulder to the two Troopers standing awkwardly near them. “Help me get him to the shuttle!”

 

Hux wanted to turn his emotions off, block them out as best he could so that he could focus, but Hux feared that doing so would also sever the last weak threads of their bond. Instead Hux clenched his hands into fists as he watched the two Stormtroopers lift Ren’s body between them as carefully as possible and begin moving him back to the ship. Hux tried to ignore the trail of Ren’s blood that he walked along as he followed behind them, overseeing things and making sure no one got left behind as the planet’s structure shuddered beneath them.

 

As soon as they made it back on board Hux made a call to the pilot to evacuate while gesturing with a hand to get the two Troopers to deposit Ren on one of the temporary medbay beds built into each shuttle for the transport of injured personnel. Ren’s blood smeared across the white armour of the two Troopers was as stark as it was in the snow and Hux quickly dismissed them. Hux buckled in beside Ren to avoid falling as the shuttle jolted in the air, fighting the gravitational pull of the planet which had begun to collapse in on itself.

 

Ren didn’t even react to the jostling, which was even more worrying. Hux placed a hand on Ren’s uninjured shoulder and closed his eyes, focusing as best he could on what he could feel of their bond. He wasn’t as good at this as Ren was but he was desperate and determined; Hux wasn’t going to lose Ren now, after everything. Hux mentally clasped at every strand of their bond that he could sense, tugging Ren’s presence closer and not allowing him to drift away into oblivion. Each thread was reverberating with pain and anguish but Hux wouldn’t fail.

 

Though it was a rough ride, it took less than five minutes to reach the _Finalizer_ and get docked. Hux got a confirmation that they were the last on board and he gave the order to jump to light speed and escape the inevitable ripples of Starkiller as it imploded. Mitaka was at the helm and confirmed the order, and Hux was grateful that he was in the shuttle rather than at the view screens in command watching all of his work and aspirations explode into nothingness. Instead Hux brushed the idea aside for later and concentrated on making sure Ren was put onto a stretcher and moved to medbay immediately.

 

There were other wounded already on board being tended to but when the doctors saw Ren – unconscious, bleeding, and flanked by the General – they jumped into action. They did an initial scan of his body to compile a growing list of issues that needed to be addressed and the med-droids were brought in to begin stitching together the gaping wounds across Ren’s skin. Hux hovered as close as he dared without risking getting in the way, his heart racing faster for each noticeable slowing of Ren’s own heartbeat.

 

“We’re losing him,” Hux heard one of the doctors mutter with frustration and fear.

 

Hux didn’t need the verbal confirmation. He could feel it; the way Ren’s presence had faded to near nonexistence in the back of his mind. The threads of their bond were so damaged that Hux struggled to mentally grasp them. It was like trying to close his fist around the fickle morning fog back on his home planet. Hux pushed his way to the bedside and cupped Ren’s jaw, turning his face slightly towards him.

 

“Are you really going to make me do this, Ren? Here in front of everyone?” Hux whispered in Ren’s ear, aware of the fact that the doctors were close enough to hear him anyway. “Are you so childish that even now you require proof of how badly I need you to pull through this?” There was no response and Hux sighed before descending to press their lips together. He ignored the quiet gasps of surprise around him and the taste of copper in Ren’s mouth. Instead he focused himself inward and reached out to the last glimmer of Ren he could feel. _I need you. I love you. Come back._

 

Hux felt any remaining energy in his body draining into the bond, which let off a little starburst of acknowledgement. A moment later Hux heard the sound of Ren’s heart rate returning to a safe pace and Hux pulled back, taking in the relieved expressions of the doctors around him. Ren still wasn’t opening his eyes but the doctors seemed encouraged as they continued their work. One of them dashed away to get a chair for Hux, noticing how unsteady he was on his feet, but otherwise they left Hux where he was. Hux wiped blood and saliva from his lips and kept his fingers laced with one of Ren’s hands, hoping that physical proximity would help alongside the mental reassurances he was giving their rebuilding bond.

 

At last the doctors were finished what they and the med-droids could accomplish with Ren’s physical body. Ren’s vital signs remained strong, and each passing minute helped their bond knit back together. “General,” one of the doctors spoke quietly and Hux opened his eyes tiredly. “At this point we will need to submerge Lord Ren into a bacta tank to continue his healing. You would benefit from some rest in your rooms.”

 

Hux scowled. “I’m not leaving his side.”

 

The doctor’s gaze showed that she understood, regardless of how much she might have suspected about a bond between Hux and Ren. “Consider that gaining more energy yourself will aid Lord Ren’s recovery,” she said, knowing she had won the argument but not about to gloat. “I assure you that we’ll send updates to your personal datapad. And you can return once you have eaten and slept.”

 

Hux pursed his lips but didn’t have an argument to stay. Between how exhausted he was – both physically and mentally – and knowing that sleeping would give him more energy to pour into the bond, Hux knew the right thing to do was to return to his rooms. Temporarily. “I want those updates hourly,” he ordered as he stood from the chair, feeling stiff.

 

The doctor nodded her head to acknowledge the order and then returned to helping the rest of the medical team as they moved Ren onto a stretcher to be placed in the bacta tank in the next room. Hux stood a few paces away and watched as Ren was lowered into the tank and remained suspended, his hair wild and his skin mottled with bruises. It filled Hux’s chest with physical pain to turn and walk out of the room after being so close to losing Ren entirely, but the logical side of his brain reminded Hux that the sooner he slept, the sooner he could return.

 

On his way back to his rooms Hux hesitated in front of Ren’s door and then used his override code. The last words Ren had spoken to him before Ren passed out haunted Hux. He was curious to know what in Ren’s closet was important enough to potentially be the last words spoken to his mate, and knew that sleep had to wait until Hux had an answer. Ren’s rooms were dark and cold. Hux turned on the lights and set his tray of food down before making his way to the closet in the bedroom quickly, opening the closet door. Inside on the floor he found a large box made of some type of strong black metal.

 

Wondering how he was supposed to open the secure box, Hux began brushing his fingers along the surface in search of a latch or keyhole. The metal itself seemed to recognize his fingerprints upon touch and the lid of the box opened with a quiet hiss. Hux knew what was inside as soon as he saw the case, but he still forced himself to open the clasps of the case and brush his shaking fingers over the polished wood of a violin.

 

The tears came quickly and spilled down Hux’s cheeks as he lifted the violin to cradle it in his lap. It was so long ago since Hux told Ren about this aspect of his childhood. Things had still been so uncertain back then, so tentative and new. And yet Ren had remembered and on some mission or another he had gone out of his way to find this rare antique instrument for Hux. The thoughtfulness of the gesture had Hux genuinely touched, and all the more desperate for Ren to wake up safe and healthy so Hux could play for him. For now that was all Hux could think about. Not what would happen when they arrived at Snoke’s planet, nor what he and Ren would do about Snoke’s view of them as disposable pawns.

 

No. Hux just wanted to play this violin and watch Ren’s smile when he heard it.

 

Hux cleared his throat and brushed away his tears with the back of one hand, taking care when replacing the violin back in its case. He was tempted to stay and sleep in Ren’s rooms but Hux wanted to get his datapad in his own rooms for any updates. So Hux lifted the violin case in one hand, grabbed his food tray in his other hand, and walked the short distance to his own room where he ate and promptly fell into bed.


	9. Chapter 9

When Hux woke up and saw that he had been asleep for over ten hours, he was gripped with a moment of panic. Although Ren’s condition had stabilized when he was placed in the bacta tank, anything could have happened in a ten hour period of time. Despite the disorientation he felt due to his grogginess, Hux rubbed at his eyes and scrambled for his datapad to check for any news from the doctors. He saw quickly that the doctor had dutifully sent an update hourly as requested. Each one read the same:

 

_Lord Ren’s vitals remain stable. Healing continues while submerged._

 

Hux released a deep sigh of relief at being told those details ten times in a row. Then he forced himself out of bed and into the refresher to shower, shave and change into a fresh uniform. Thankfully his rooms on the _Finalizer_ were as adequately stocked with clothes and supplies as his room on Starkiller had been. In the explosion of the planet he had lost the chess set he had brought, a cherished birthday present from his mother years before. While that loss stung, Hux knew he could’ve lost something infinitely more precious. Besides, Hux reminded himself that picking up the violin again would bring back the spirit of his mother just as effectively as the chess set had.

 

Hux checked his datapad and confirmed the most recent update from the doctor had been a mere twelve minutes prior. Knowing that he wouldn’t want to leave again once he made it back to the medbay, Hux made himself eat a small breakfast and visit the command hub first. There he found Mitaka, whose head was bent in close to Second Lieutenant Lee as they discussed something quietly in the room. They both looked concerned, frowning with concentration. When Mitaka looked up and spotted Hux he looked both relieved and more anxious.

 

“Ah, sir! How are you?”

 

“Well enough, considering,” Hux said, drawing level with his second and third in command. Bridget saluted him and looked even more nervous than Mitaka, which was a feat of its own. “What don’t I know?”

 

Mitaka wrung his hands together. “Our escape from the imploding planet overheated the engines, General,” Hux was informed. “I’ve already sent repair crews down and been told there is no irreversible damage but it’s going to take time to get them fully restored. We’re unable to sustain light speed travel at this time.”

 

“Has Snoke been informed?” Hux asked. Truthfully he was relieved to know they would have more time for Ren to recover and for them to plan before they were back within Snoke’s grasp, but he didn’t know how Snoke would react to this news.

 

“He has,” Bridget confirmed. “But he demanded to speak with you for an update regardless.”

 

“Understood.” All Hux wanted to do was return to the medbay and Ren’s side, but that would have to wait a few minutes longer. “Hail him and redirect the call to holodeck C. And take all the time that’s needed to fix the engines properly. I won’t risk losing anything else under my command.” Both Mitaka and Bridget nodded their understanding and acknowledgement. “Once I’ve spoken with the Supreme Leader I will have my personal datapad and can be found in the medbay. Is there anything else I need to know?”

 

“Not at this time,” Mitaka confirmed. “We’ve already got a roster set up for shift coverage. I’ll hail Snoke now.”

 

“Thank you,” Hux gave a nod to both of them and left the room quickly. He appreciated how helpful his command team was, and also that neither of them pried into his personal matters although Hux was certain gossip would’ve spread about him and Ren by this point. News like that spread like wildfire. Hux set this thought aside and walked quickly towards holodeck C, methodically clearing his mind of any thoughts he didn’t want Snoke picking up on while he walked. It wouldn’t be good to go this long with Ren masking their bond only for Hux to give up the secret now.

 

Thankfully Snoke wasn’t in a prying mood, seemingly more preoccupied with getting Ren back onto his planet for ‘further training’ than anything else. Hux was a little surprised that Snoke wasn’t more upset than he was about the loss of Starkiller considering how much time and resources were put into its planning and development. Hux reminded himself not to relax just yet, but he wouldn’t provoke Snoke for an answer when the Supreme Leader was focused on other issues at hand. After Hux provided another update about the status of the engines, himself and Ren, Snoke dismissed him with the order to get things ‘back in order’ as promptly as possible before the Resistance gained further strength and confidence from their victory.

 

At last after Snoke ended the transmission Hux was free to walk in the direction of the medbay. The nurses and doctors looked over at him when he arrived but said nothing when Hux walked directly into the private room where Ren remained submerged. Ren was exactly where Hux had left him, floating in the bacta gel and unconscious. Hux thought that some of the lighter bruises he had seen the night before had faded, though there were still many serious injuries that would take longer to fully recover.

 

Hux pulled up a chair to sit beside the tank and then carefully extracted his new violin from its case. He spent a few minutes testing the strings and cleaning the bow. If Ren had been awake he would’ve no doubt picked up on the nervousness stalling Hux from starting to play, but with Ren unconscious there was no one to call Hux out. Eventually Hux got frustrated with himself for hesitating and pulled his violin into place, already knowing what song he wanted to play for his mate.

 

It was a melody from an old legend back on Arkanis, taught to Hux by his mother when his father was off-planet for work. The story went that centuries earlier, before space travel technology was more than a lofty notion, there was a woman and man who married and built a house together next to a worn-down lighthouse which they also repaired. The man was a fishing boat captain and the woman proclaimed that he was her other half and that she could not live without him. Therefore, she would manage the lighthouse whenever her husband was out at sea, holding him to the promise to always return.

 

Arkanis had always been a wet planet where, if it wasn’t pouring, it was at least drizzling most days. Yet one year the storms were torrential and relentless, far worse than any inhabitants remembered experiencing in the past. The husband insisted on going out for one last expedition before the next and largest storm was to hit, determined to ensure his wife had food and money to live in comfort, if not riches. Unfortunately a few hours after the husband left the shores in his boat which bobbed in the waves, the next storm swooped in faster than expected and quickly blanketed the sea and coast in an impenetrable fog.

 

The wife feared that even if her husband was able to keep the ship from capsizing in the buffeting waves, he would never be able to find shore and make ground safely. She kept the lighthouse lit at all times but saw that the light beam got swallowed by the fog. And so she took the violin he had carved for her as a wedding present and stood along the shore, playing the song they had shared their first dance to on their wedding day in the hope that he would somehow hear it and find his way home.

 

She played for nearly three days as the wind and the rain bombarded her and soaked her to the bone. She stopped only to refuel the lighthouse beacon before returning back to her place, playing the melody over and over while silently calling out for her love to return. The townspeople came and tried to coerce her away into shelter and warmth, fearful for her own health, but she refused and politely asked them to leave. Eventually they all gave up and returned to their own homes, though their ears were tuned apprehensively to the sound of a violin on the wind.

 

The wife’s body trembled and grew weary, her bow stuttering across the strings, but just when she worried she would have to give up hope, she saw a light breaking through the fog. As she continued to play she saw her husband’s fishing boat approach and finally make ground in front of her, the husband stumbling off his boat – cold and hungry but safe. He swept the wife up into his arms and took them both inside to warm up and eat, both of them crying their exhaustion and relief. The husband told her, with no uncertainty in his voice, that he had somehow heard her playing and followed it home to her.

 

This was the melody Hux played for Ren, seated in the uncomfortable medbay chair but far away from his own physical tiredness and discomfort. His fingers moved expertly, not nearly as rusty as Hux had expected. At the same time Hux cast his mind towards Ren, holding fast to the weak but intact bond he could feel tying them together. He sent his fear and desperation, his hope and his affection towards Ren, silently begging him to come back and to not leave Hux in the world alone.

 

He lost track of the time, ignoring the doctors and nurses who initially suggested he take a break and then inevitably gave up and left him alone. Hux was so wrapped up in the mental bond that he didn’t feel tired or even hungry. He could only focus on the undeniable _presence_ in the back of his mind that was Ren, and hold onto it as tightly as he could. At last, sometime later, that presence flickered and swelled to an aware consciousness. Hux paused and looked over, seeing that Ren’s body was still submerged and unresponsive, but he didn’t question the understanding that Ren’s awareness had awoken.

 

 _Hux…_ He heard it like Ren had sighed in his ear. Then Hux felt a warm hand cup his cheek and lips brush his own even though there was no one standing near him. _Sleep, you wonderful, foolish man._

 

Hux closed his eyes and focused on their bond. He still wasn’t as skilled at sending full conversations through the bond so instead he sent what he was feeling: defiance, and a mental image of Ren slipping away if Hux left.

 

 _I am with you_ , Ren assured him, sending another warm caress. _My body cannot yet wake but I will be with you always_.

 

Hux still lingered, but eventually he cleaned and packed up his violin. Only when he stood from the chair did Hux realize how hungry and tired he was, and notice the blisters on his fingers which were unaccustomed to playing. Hux continued to feel Ren’s presence as promised, like Ren was watching Hux over his shoulder. Hux used his datapad to order more food to be delivered to his room so that it arrived at the same time as him. As Hux walked the halls he still felt like Ren was walking beside him. It was comforting, but it also filled Hux with an aching longing for Ren to fully return to him.

 

In his room Hux ate as quickly as possible and then forced himself into the shower to freshen up. Hux felt Ren’s arousal reverberating through their bond and palmed himself a few times, but Hux was too tired to finish what he started and he didn’t want to without Ren touching him anyway. So he towelled off and fell into bed, comforted by Ren’s presence which almost felt like a physical weight lying on the mattress beside him under the blankets. _Sleep_ , Ren told him again. _I will see you in your dreams._

 

Ren hadn’t lied. It only took a few minutes for Hux’s sleep-deprived mind to shut down and when he blinked his eyes open in a dream, Ren was there. Ren was dressed the same as he was in the bacta tank – meaning he was wearing very little. The view was as enjoyable as always but Hux was most pleased when he looked over Ren’s skin and saw no bruises, cuts or stitching. Hux brushed his fingers over Ren’s firm torso curiously and Ren answered his silently posed question. “My consciousness doesn’t have the same injuries as my physical form does, so they don’t show.”

 

Hux brushed his hand up from Ren’s chest to his neck and then to his face, cupping a cheek and drawing Ren’s gaze. “Not the same injuries, but injuries nonetheless. You killed your father, Kylo. That can’t be easy.”

 

Ren turned his face into Hux’s hand, eyes slipping closed. “It isn’t. But it helps knowing that dismantling the Resistance makes you safer.”

 

Hux could feel everything Ren was feeling, barriers no longer between them. He experienced Ren’s disbelief that he killed his own father, Ren’s guilt at what it would do to his mother, and Ren’s grief for the relationship he had wanted to share with his father but never did. But there was also a grim feeling of accomplishment and certainty; Ren wasn’t wavering or suppressing how he felt about his actions. Hux sent back his own feelings of concern, gratitude and affection, and gladly allowed it when Ren swept him up into a tight hug and kiss.

 

After a long minute Hux broke the contact of their lips. He leaned back in Ren’s embrace, just enough for their eyes to meet. “There are more dangers we need to deal with. Snoke has demanded that I return you to him to complete your training. The only reason we aren’t at his planet already is because the _Finalizer’s_ engines need repair after escaping Starkiller. He wasn’t as angry about the loss of the planet as I anticipated but I…” Hux sighed, hoping Ren would understand and believe him, “I don’t trust it.”

 

Ren shook his head. “Neither do I and I’m working on a plan. How much longer do you think we’ll have with the engines out?”

 

“A week at most,” Hux calculated. “More likely, four to five days.”

 

Ren hummed, deep in thought. Hux could feel flickering at the back of his mind like Ren’s ideas were insects flitting in and out of his vision, too fast and erratic to catch and pin down. “I think I will wake up in three days, but I will plan even while my body is unconscious and recovering. I already have an idea but I need to run through all the possibilities to figure out if the risks are worth it.”

 

“Care to share?” Hux prompted, not bothering to mask the impatience from his voice since he knew Ren would feel it regardless in this dream state. Hux was a strategist by nature but he was limited in his ability to plan how to deal with Snoke. The Force was mostly beyond his understanding and certainly beyond his capability to harness, meaning that he had no way of determining exactly what Ren or Snoke could or couldn’t do, or how Ren could take on Snoke.

 

Hux received a kiss to his forehead and he refrained from pushing Ren away. “The less you know the easier it will be for me to block or extract the information when we approach Snoke. No plan will be successful if he sees us coming. I’m sorry.”

 

Hux didn’t like it, but he understood. He sighed. “Alright, well think fast because I’m not handing you over to him.”

 

Ren smirked with amusement at Hux’s protective and possessive streak, but he simply held Hux closer and sent out a wave of comforting reassurance. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“Good,” Hux said and rested his head against Ren’s shoulder, allowing himself only here in the safety of his dreams to relax.

 

#

 

True to his estimation, Ren’s physical body woke up a little under three days later. Hux had spent a few hours every day back at Ren’s bacta tank with his violin. Whether the music helped or not with Ren’s recovery didn’t truly matter because it made Hux feel better, like he was actually doing _something_. The _Finalizer’s_ engines were still stalled, though repairs were nearly complete. The rest of the crew had little to do except wait and recover from the losses on Starkiller. Hux had a new mountain of paperwork to complete with reports from each officer about any losses or damages from the planet explosion, updates on supplies in storage, and so on.

 

Completing all of these tasks had kept Hux busy and distracted from his urge to plot how they could possibly deal with Snoke. It was in his nature to try and solve the complicated puzzle in front of him, even though Ren kept insisting that Hux let it go since brainstorming plots against the Supreme Leader just caused more ideas and memories Ren would need to hide from Snoke later on. Ren only managed to truly derail Hux’s thinking when the phantom weight of his consciousness brushed kisses along Hux’s neck and pressed him into the mattress.

 

Hux learned that dream sex was an adequate temporary substitute until Ren had physically recovered. It also provided an opportunity to explore some new positions and fantasies Hux would never agree to in reality. In the three days Ren was physically unconscious but his presence stuck close, Hux and Ren worked through their relief at being alive and together multiple times in Hux's dreams. Once Hux was pinned to his bed by an invisible force and stretched open by Ren’s greedy trusts. Another time Ren fucked Hux over his work console in the command hub. And in a third dream they shared a lazy fuck in a grassy field, a light breeze caressing their sweaty skin.

 

It left Hux a little bereft for Ren’s physical touch on his body but Hux still woke from each dream with his underwear soiled and his skin flushed. It was for the best considering the circumstances, especially since they both knew that once Ren woke up, there would be no time for a physical reunion before they had to deal with Snoke. And sure enough, mere hours after Ren had woken up and was removed from the bacta tank for the doctors to look over with Hux standing nearby, Hux got a notification from his chief engineer that the engines were in full working order and ready for use upon his command.

 

Hux didn’t respond immediately, instead tucking his datapad away while he watched Ren’s ongoing examination from the doctors. Only when Ren was confirmed to be fully healed – minus a few lingering scars – and Hux got them to the privacy of his rooms, did he take the datapad out again. “Snoke will get a copy of all these reports and he’ll know if we delayed in returning you,” Hux pointed out, feeling anxiety claw at his insides. “Do you have a plan?”

 

“I do,” Ren confirmed. “And I’m ready. Any last minute things I need to do before we arrive can be completed in the half day it will take for us to reach his planet even at light speed warp.”

 

“Kylo…” Hux hesitated, knowing he shouldn’t ask and that Ren wouldn’t tell him the plan anyway.

 

Ren stepped into his personal space, took the datapad from Hux’s hands to place on his desk, and then wrapped both arms around Hux’s waist to keep him close. Their eyes locked and so much passed between them without words. “Do you trust me?”

 

Hux frowned. “Of course—”

 

“I mean, do you really truly trust me?” Ren’s eyes were dark and filled with turmoil. “From this moment until everything is done I’m going to need to fully shut down the bond. I don’t know how far Snoke’s awareness can reach. You won’t have any feedback from me when we walk into this.”

 

Hux swallowed thickly. His anxiety was mounting but he had no excuses, just the truth. “I trust you.”

 

Ren nodded and kissed him softly. “Put in the order for the engines. I have some things I need to do but I’ll meet you in the hangar bay when we arrive at Snoke’s planet. He’ll want to see us both.”

 

Before Hux could utter another word Ren was out the door, leaving Hux alone. Hux cast his awareness out but reached nothing but the walls of his own mind. When he was younger and initially struggling with control over his emotions and thoughts, Hux had felt like his brain was too full to contain. Now he felt empty, like Ren’s absence was a physical void in the back of his mind. Hux did his best to brush this thought and the unease it caused from his mind and reached for the datapad, putting in the order to begin light speed warp to Snoke’s planet.

 

#

 

When they were in orbit above Snoke’s planet, Hux headed for the hangar bay. He found Ren’s ship already powering up and Hux was granted access to board as soon as he approached. However, when he reached the cockpit where Ren was sitting in full armour, Ren didn’t even bother looking over at him or saying anything. The lack of acknowledgement prodded the ache Hux already felt while the bond was shut down, leaving him feeling alone and nervous. Hux told himself that he still needed to do his part though. He was still a First Order General and he had to act the part. Emotions were fine when he was alone with Ren but Hux still needed to act professional. And the less he thought about their bond, the less Ren would need to spend energy masking his thoughts and feelings.

 

Hux buckled himself into the co-pilot seat and said nothing to break the silence. He watched as Ren checked monitors and adjusted some controls and a few minutes later Hux heard the sound of the ship’s loading ramp closing and locking. Ren turned to him although his helmet hid his face and any expression he might have. “Are you ready?”

 

“Yes,” Hux said, and they were off.

 

It took approximately ten minutes to break through the planet’s atmosphere and land in a field in front of a massive citadel that seemed to be carved from the mountain it nestled against. The stone looked weather-worn but strong, and the spires were tall and imposing. Hux knew Ren had been to this planet before for previous training so Hux followed Ren’s lead once the ship powered down and the ramp lowered for them. The field they walked out into was desolate, more dust than vegetation. The sky was a constant cloud of gray and the wind hit Hux hard enough to almost send him stumbling. It was frigid cold and seeped right into Hux’s bones; he couldn’t suppress a shiver.

 

Ren didn’t seem to notice or care, instead walking directly towards the large stone doors at the front of the citadel. Hux had to quicken his pace to catch up to Ren’s long strides, feeling more uneasy the closer they came to the building. Hux realized that he never would have been able to enter the citadel on his own. The doors were at least ten times his height and moved only with Ren’s manipulation of the Force. The inside wasn’t any more inviting than the outside had been. It was protected from the wind but the halls were unlit and damp, perpetuating the chill across Hux’s skin.

 

Hux tried to keep his mind blank as they walked down the halls together, silent except for the echoes of their footsteps against the unpolished stone floors. He brushed aside each worry and doubt, and every thought about bonds, mates and affection. Hux wished he had thought to take a Sinaffec pill for this encounter but now it was far too late. They had reached another set of large stone doors just as imposing as the first and somehow Hux instinctively knew that Snoke waited on the other side. Ren opened these doors the same way he had the others, and together they walked into the cavernous main hall.

 

Snoke sat waiting in a throne of stone. He wasn’t nearly as massive as he projected himself in the holodecks, though Hux would estimate that Snoke was still about two feet taller than Ren. The holodeck hadn’t skewed the perception of Snoke’s form though; he looked just as skeletal and haunting as he did during every conference. When Ren stopped his approach near the middle of the room, Hux drew level with him, their shoulders squared together.

 

“I have delivered him as you requested, Master.”

 

Hux glanced quickly over to Ren, his heart suddenly jumping in his throat. What was Ren talking about? Snoke had asked _Hux_ to deliver _Ren_.

 

“You have done well, my apprentice.” Hux’s head snapped forward again to Snoke, suddenly feeling very much in danger. “General Hux, what do you have to say for yourself?”

 

“I regret the loss of Starkiller: the potential it provided and the shame its failing caused to you.” Hux would bow his head to show respect and remorse but he felt too threatened to drop his gaze. He had to stay alert to assess the situation, determine what exactly was going on, and how to get out of this alive. “While the circumstances leading up to its destruction were extraordinary, I know it is no excuse and that I must do better in future.”

 

Snoke sneered and Hux got a sense that he had given the wrong answer. “Not about Starkiller. What do you have to say about your… grander aspirations?”

 

There was nothing Hux could do to stop his heart from beginning to race. “Supreme Leader?”

 

“Lord Ren has informed me that once he gained your trust you divulged to him your true intentions,” Snoke informed him, tapping his fingers impatiently against one armrest of his throne. “Emperor Hux,” he spat the words like they were poison corroding his tongue.

 

Hux’s brain was spinning. “I had hoped if you ever sought a successor—”

 

“Do not lie!” Snoke half-stood, his nails cutting grooves into the stonework of his throne. “Do not think yourself so clever when you are surrounded by Force wielders.” Snoke’s breathing was harsh and raspy, truly enraged though he slowly sat down again instead of approaching. “I am ashamed of myself for choosing such a pathetic, foolish man to be my General. You fell for Lord Ren’s illusions of affection so easily it was disgusting,” Snoke accused.

 

“I…” Hux found it hard to swallow. He wanted to look over at Ren but with the helmet on there was nothing to see. Instead he reached out mentally for their bond and was met only with empty silence. Had it really all been tricks and illusions? Perhaps a bond wouldn’t be needed for them to communicate mentally. After all, Ren was a powerful Force wielder. And if Ren could read Hux’s mind and transfer fake thoughts and emotions to him in return, then it seemed like a simple task for Ren to plant a false sensation of what Hux assumed a bond might feel like. Whether the sex had been to solidify the lie or merely for Ren’s pleasure didn’t matter; it hurt either way. It felt like his heart was made of glass and it had shattered, shards cutting up his insides.

 

“You fell in love with him,” Snoke stated without question. At last Hux’s head bowed, his spirit truly breaking along with his heart. “How sad. You should’ve listened to the lessons your father told you, warning you about emotion. Perhaps it could’ve saved you from this embarrassment and pain.”

 

As if that was a cue – and maybe it was because clearly this had all been planned in advance – Ren began to walk away from Hux and towards Snoke. “Kylo…” Hux’s voice cracked though he didn’t have the heart to reach out for Ren’s arm when he knew he would be rebuffed. Even when Ren’s footfalls stopped Hux didn’t look up, unwilling to see the sight of Ren by Snoke’s side. He was plagued by the expressions he could imagine on Ren’s face beneath his helmet: contempt, disgust, pity, amusement?

 

“ _You will look_ ,” Snoke ordered and Hux’s face was yanked up so viciously by the Force that Hux felt the muscles in his neck strain. Then his knees were forced to buckle, causing his legs to fold until Hux was kneeling. There was Snoke, furious and vengeful, with Ren in his full armour standing just behind his right shoulder – a puppet eager to serve. “You tried to coerce Lord Ren away from me and now you will pay the penalty. I can’t think of a more fitting punishment than death from your supposed lover.” Snoke taunted, narrowed eyes locked with Hux’s own. “Any final words, General?”

 

Hux couldn’t move his body, still held in place by Snoke with the Force. He couldn’t look away even though he desperately wanted to. Hux wouldn’t hide from this though, wouldn’t cower or beg. Quickly Hux did his best to lock away everything he was feeling, clearing his mind of everything but the present. In the end it didn’t matter. Hux could try to fight when Ren approached but Hux knew he wouldn’t be the victor. Even if he somehow managed to overpower Ren, which was unlikely, Hux questioned his own resolve to kill Ren even to protect himself. Truly Hux had become weak and deserved this for being such a fool.

 

It would all be over soon, one way or another. “None.”

 

Snoke leaned forward, smirking. “No final pleas for mercy?”

 

Hux wouldn’t give either of them the pleasure. He couldn’t shake his head so he merely kept his lips sealed closed, which was answer enough.

 

“Very well,” Snoke said. “Lord Ren, you know what to do.”

 

Across the room Hux heard and saw Ren’s lightsaber power on, its energy thrumming in the damp air. And before Hux could do anything other than acknowledge the spike of adrenaline coursing through his veins for the inevitable life or death fight, Hux watched Ren arc his energy blade up and back down – straight through Snoke’s neck. It was over in a second. If Hux had blinked he would’ve missed it. Instead he watched Snoke’s decapitated head fall to the ground with a dull thud and roll to a stop a few feet away from the throne where his lifeless body was now slumped.

 

Hux had been conditioned to the images of death and war so the sight didn’t turn his stomach, though he did feel dizzy with both relief and confusion. As soon as Snoke was dead Ren put away his lightsaber and whatever barrier Ren had erected around their bond fell. Hux leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the floor, seeking the chill from the stone to centre himself as he tried to catch his breath and wrap his head around what had just happened.

 

“Oh stars, Hux,” Ren rushed to him and knelt by Hux. When Ren touched a hand to his bowed back Hux flinched. “Hux… The bond was never an illusion. You must know that.”

 

“How? _How_ do I know that?” Hux spat, eyes clenched closed.

 

“Why else would I kill Snoke?”

 

“You want to be the strongest Force wielder, with me wrapped around your finger,” Hux accused harshly.

 

Ren reeled back as though slapped. “I want to be the most powerful to protect _you_ and stand _beside you_ ,” Ren insisted. Hux said nothing, anger like acid in his veins. “Okay well…” Hux could feel Ren’s desperation mounting, trying to make Hux believe. “That song you played for me? It led me back to you, from death.”

 

Hux felt a new ache in his chest as he remembered playing that violin – the one Kylo purchased for him! Hux’s heart gave a little leap of hope before Hux crushed it back down. “You could just be saying that.”

 

Snoke had lifted Hux’s gaze violently. But Ren lifted Hux’s face with a gentle and shy touch of one finger under his chin. Their eyes met and held. Because despite the hurt and anger Hux felt, he wanted to believe in the only thing – the only _person_ that had made him feel like he mattered just the way he was since the death of his mother. “What did I promise you way back when you didn’t believe me about the bond and you asked what I could offer you?”

 

Hux’s mind returned back to their confrontation in the gym, the time when Ren had managed to make Hux _feel_ despite being on Sinaffec. “The universe,” Hux echoed Ren’s words from all that time ago. “You said you would give me the universe.”

 

“And am I not well on my way to delivering that… Emperor Hux?”

 

Hux scoffed but didn’t turn his face away from Ren’s touch or gaze. “No one will follow me.”

 

“They will,” Ren said with such confidence it was like he had seen the future. Maybe he had. “People are drawn to the First Order because they like to be given order by someone who leads with a strong and steady hand. They will follow the victor and I…” Ren paused, sincerity in the tears welling in his eyes. “I will follow you regardless.”

 

Hux stayed silent for a long moment, thinking everything over. Since they had first begun this relationship, and even before, Ren had never done anything to make Hux question his interest or his feelings except here in this hall. Logically it made more sense that Ren had been lying to Snoke, rather than to Hux, about the bond. And before they had come down to this planet Ren had asked Hux if he trusted him, and had warned him that there would be no feedback to rely on while confronting Snoke. Ren had had faith in Hux to trust in their bond, and Hux realized he needed to have faith in return.

 

Decision made, Hux informed Ren pointedly, “If you ever do that again I will skin you alive.”

 

He could feel the relief bubbling up inside Ren, breaking free through a laugh. When Ren blinked a few tears slid free. “It felt like I was skinning _myself_ alive,” Ren admitted quietly.

 

“No, you don’t understand,” Hux’s eyes narrowed. “I will not figuratively skin you alive. I will _literally_ flay your skin from every bone.”

 

Ren bit his lip but he was still chuckling, the bastard. “Duly noted. Now please tell me I can kiss you.”

 

Hux pursed his lips, faking deep consideration. “One kiss,” he said.

 

“Well that just means I’ll never stop kissing you,” Ren stated. And then before Hux could come up with a retort, both of Ren’s hands were cupping his face and drawing Hux into a deep, lingering kiss. Hux felt a swell of relief, affection and completeness, and felt a sense of love and commitment from Ren in return. And Hux knew deep down in his core that he wouldn’t mind in the slightest if Ren never stopped kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading, and a special thank you and *big hug* to those who took the time to leave me kudos and comments! I'm hoping to get another multi-chaptered kylux fic posted in about a month, and also work on some original stuff and publishing/self-publishing. If you like my work, please consider subscribing to me on here and/or my Tumblr to get info about my upcoming writing.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](http://onewhositswiththeturtles.tumblr.com/)


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